


All Hearts Come Home For Christmas

by aelandair



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, Christmas, Clothed Sex, Dry Humping, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Including fun tropes such as:, M/M, Masturbation, Meeting the Parents, Mistletoe, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:41:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 65,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelandair/pseuds/aelandair
Summary: "Do you want to come home with me and pretend to be my boyfriend for a week?"Hux stares at him incredulously. "What the actual fuck, Ren? No."-Kylo desperately needs a fake boyfriend for Christmas, so his family won't be disappointed in him once again. Hux would be the perfect candidate for the job, except for the part where he doesn't want to do it. Convincing him that this is actually a good idea should be easy, though. Right?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 282
Kudos: 431





	1. Chapter 1

Kylo is fucked. He is absolutely, completely fucked. 

It's not like he hasn't fucked up before. He knows he has, too many times to count. But this might be his worst fuck up yet. 

In the seconds that follow, he wishes he could take the words back, just go back in time and stop himself from blurting them out. But he can't do that. Instead he has to wait, holding his breath and mentally berating himself for not thinking about the consequences of his own actions before doing stupid shit. He should have thought about it for just a second longer, just a second, that would have been enough, and he would have realized it was a stupid thing to say, but his mouth worked faster than his brain, or maybe his brain just hadn't worked at all, and now he said it and there's no going back. 

"Oh, honey, I'm so happy for you!" Leia finally breaks the silence. 

Kylo is glad she can't see him over the phone, because his mouth pulls down in a grimace, and he briefly shuts his eyes, tries to get himself together. 

"Thanks, Mom," he says, sounding only mildly pained. 

She doesn't seem to notice, thank God. 

"So, if you have a boyfriend now, why don't you bring him around for Christmas? I'd love to meet him." 

"No, Mom, I don't think he- he probably has to go visit his own family, I don't think I'll bring him along-" 

"Nonsense. I want to meet him. Bring him along, I insist," Leia says, her voice taking on that tone that always makes Kylo stand up a little straighter, and he can't argue with her when she uses that voice, he absolutely can't. 

He sighs. "Alright. I'll ask him." 

"Great! Call me after, alright, so I can make preparations?" 

"Sure." 

"Great. Have a good day, honey. Love you," she says, chipper as always, and guilt starts churning low in Kylo's stomach. 

"Love you too, Mom. Bye." 

After they hang up, Kylo takes a moment to just- sit there. Stare at his bedroom wall. Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. Fuck. Leia is completely oblivious. She doesn't have a clue, doesn't even suspect that there might not be a boyfriend. And Kylo is so absolutely, thoroughly fucked.

Because there isn't a boyfriend. 

There is no boyfriend, and there hasn't been a boyfriend in a while, and there probably won't be a boyfriend in the near future. 

He doesn't know why he said he was dating someone when that's as far from the truth as it gets. Just... Leia's constant nagging, all her questions about his love life, they way she always tells him she doesn't want him to be lonely... It's annoying, is what it is. And then she'd sounded so pitying when she said "I just wish you'd bring someone home", and that- it was just the last straw. 

And then Kylo had said, like a dumbass: "Actually, I'm seeing someone right now." 

Which had just been a straight up lie. He's not seeing anyone. But for a second he just wanted her to stop asking. He should have known she'd want to see the boyfriend. But he didn't, because he didn't think, and it's immediately coming back to bite him in the ass. Typical. Absolutely typical. 

He groans and drops his phone on the bed, lies back to stare at the ceiling. There's despair creeping in at the edges of his mind, but he doesn't want to dwell on that. Not yet. 

Maybe he can still somehow save this. He can't just tell his mother he made up a boyfriend because he panicked, that'd be way too embarrassing, and also, he can't stand the way she looks at him when he's disappointed her. She's been looking at him like that way too often in recent history, and he doesn't want any more of it. Not this shortly before Christmas. 

Maybe he could tell her they broke up, in two weeks. But then she'd pity him the entire week he'll be spending with her, treat him like he could shatter at a moment's notice, and he also hates  _ that _ . 

Kylo groans, the sound echoing in his bedroom, and turns onto his side, burrows his face in his pillow. 

He'll think of something. Maybe. Hopefully. Definitely. He has to think of something, otherwise, he'll be completely fucked. 

Oh, who is he even kidding. He's completely fucked right now. He just has to find a way to discretely un-fuck the situation. It can't be that hard, right?   
  


***

Turns out the solution to his problem is both easier and harder than previously thought. 

The solution itself is simple. It comes to him a few days later, while he idly scrolls through Netflix, looking for something to watch after a day of studying, to take his mind off of things. There are all sorts of movies, and as Kylo scrolls past a few romantic comedies, it hits him. It's so obvious he's a bit angry at himself for not thinking of it sooner. 

He doesn't have a real boyfriend to take home for Christmas. So he'll just have to find a fake one. 

It's brilliant really, and so brilliantly simple. 

But then he starts thinking about who he could ask, and that's when the whole thing gets more difficult. Because, the thing is, he doesn't know who to ask. He doesn't have anyone to ask. Kylo has never been the most sociable person, that hasn't changed since he went off to university. Sure, there are people he sits next to in class, and people he knows because they did group projects together. But he really only has two friends. He doesn't consider Finn and Rey and Poe friends, because being around Poe is always a bit awkward, because he’s sure Leia likes Poe more than him. Finn is more Rey's friend, really, and he doesn't like Kylo all that much, doesn't even bother to hide it. The feeling is very much mutual. And Rey isn't on his list of friends because it would just be sad if his cousin was on his list of friends. 

That only leaves two people. 

Phasma is a woman, which makes her severely unfitting for the current situation. Apart from the fact that he is very much not into women, Kylo also can't imagine dating her, specifically, even if it's fake. She intimidates him, and he could never spend a week in close quarters with her. It'd be a nightmare. He doesn't even want to think about how Phasma would act around his family. 

So that only leaves Hux. 

But Hux is only a fractionally better option than Phasma. 

While Hux would technically fit the bill, being male and all, he is also an absolute asshole most of the time. Kylo is not quite sure why he's even friends with Hux, because they spend most of their time bickering, and Hux never misses a chance to insult him. But also, Hux seems to get him on a level no one else does, sometimes, and Kylo finds his personality refreshing, the brash honesty and the deadpan humor always making him smile.

Kylo decides to watch an action movie, and while people blow each other up on his laptop screen, he makes his decision: He's going to ask Hux to be his fake boyfriend for Christmas.   
  


***

“Hux. What are you doing over Christmas break?” 

Hux looks up from his laptop with furrowed brows. His expression is thoroughly annoyed, and Kylo instantly regrets interrupting him. He knows better than to bother Hux while he’s  _ in the zone _ , and Hux seemed very concentrated while he was furiously typing things and occasionally glancing at his notepad, the top page completely filled with his sharp, cramped handwriting, so tiny that Kylo can’t make out the words from where he’s sitting across from Hux. 

But now seems like the best time to ask. Kylo has been trying and then chickened out at the last second for a week now, and if he waits much longer, Hux is definitely going to have some other holiday plans. He needs to ask now, no matter how pissed Hux looks at him. 

“That’s none of your business, Ren,” he says, and goes immediately back to typing. 

His fingers hit the keys in quick succession, the sound so loud Kylo can’t help but be scared for Hux’s laptop - the poor thing hasn’t done anything, but it looks like Hux is extremely angry at it. 

“Do you have any plans?” he barrels on, because he is desperate, and he just really needs Hux to say yes to this. 

Hux doesn’t even deign to look at him this time, just keeps on typing rapidly. “Why are you asking?” 

So, this is it. This is the moment. Kylo takes a deep breath and steadies himself. 

“Do you want to come home with me and pretend to be my boyfriend for a week?” 

That makes Hux stop short. His fingers still on the laptop keyboard, and his whole body seems to freeze up for a moment. His eyes are wide, staring at his laptop. Kylo dares to hope, his heart beating a bit faster in his chest. If Hux just says yes, all his worries will have been for nothing, and everything is going to be just great- 

“What the actual fuck, Ren?” Hux spits.

All hope plummets into a deep pit in Kylo’s stomach. Hux doesn’t look like he is going to say yes. Hux looks - angry, actually, with flushed cheeks and narrowed eyes. This is bad. Oh, this is so, so bad. 

“I just- look, I told my mom I’m dating someone and now she wants me to bring them home for Christmas, but I’m not actually dating anyone, so I thought maybe you could come with me and pretend to be my boyfriend,” he tries to explain. 

Hux furrows his brows further with every word, and by the end he looks downright murderous. Kylo instantly regrets ever opening his mouth. But Hux still hasn’t given him an actual answer, so maybe there’s still a chance, maybe he can just keep talking and Hux won’t shout at him- 

“Please? You’d be doing me a huge favour, and it would be fun, probably, and there’s free food and my family’s cooking is really good, and it would just have to be for a week, I’ll tell her we broke up after that so you won’t ever have to see them again, but if I don’t bring anyone, she’ll suspect I lied, and-”

“No.” 

Hux interrupts him, voice stony, eyes cold. Kylo nearly chokes on his tongue as he abruptly stops talking. The dread he has been trying to keep at bay is starting to sink its icy claws in, crawl through his veins and take up a place inside his ribcage.

“Please, Hux, I don’t know who else to ask,” he tries, and he pouts a bit, pushes his bottom lip out and makes his eyes as huge as he can, because people usually give him everything he wants when he just looks at them the right way. 

Hux isn’t phased in the slightest. He shakes his head, expression remaining closed off and distinctly pissed. 

“No. You can fuck right off, Ren. It’s your own fault you’re in this situation, and I’m absolutely not going to help you. This is your dilemma. I have things to do over Christmas break, and I won’t change all my plans just for your bullshit.” 

The words are harsh, but typical for Hux. Really, Kylo should have expected something like this. Hux is the type of person to never sugarcoat anything, and he never does anyone any favors, so this is really no surprise. Still, Kylo can’t help but bristle at Hux’s tone. 

“There’s no need to be so rude about it,” he grumbles. 

Hux rolls his eyes. “If you want to talk to someone nice, you’ve got the wrong person.” 

“Oh, excuse me for forgetting you’re an asshole.” 

With a derisive snort, Hux looks away from him, back down at his laptop. Kylo waits for him to say something, anything, but nothing comes - Hux just starts typing again and that’s just - that- 

Kylo groans, loudly enough that the person sitting on the table next to them looks over and shoots him a glare. He doesn’t care. Let them be annoyed. He has bigger problems right now. He has to find someone else if Hux won’t do it. 

“Are you really sure you don’t want to do it?” he asks, one last attempt. 

Hux shakes his head. “I am extremely sure I don’t want to do it. Now please leave me alone, I’m trying to get work done.” 

Kylo glares at him, but Hux ignores it, if he even notices at all. His cheeks are still flushed, and there are wrinkles on his forehead because he’s still pinching his brows together, but otherwise he acts like Kylo isn’t there at all. He acts like absolutely nothing has happened, when he just destroyed all hope Kylo had to get out of this disaster somehow. 

Kylo can’t deal with it right now. He can’t deal with  _ Hux _ right now. Looking at his face and hearing the goddamn sound of his fingers hitting the keyboard grates on Kylo’s nerves, and he can feel himself getting angry, or, well, angrier, and if he stays, he’ll do something he’ll regret. Like throw over a chair. And then he’ll definitely get banned from the library, and that’s something that would be really fucking shitty, considering he spends hours here every week. 

He takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself down. It doesn’t matter that Hux doesn’t want to do it. He’ll just find someone else. Easy. Right? 

“I’m leaving,” Kylo mutters, finally, and starts gathering his books and pens together, throws them in his backpack haphazardly. 

Hux makes a noncommittal noise, doesn’t look up from his laptop. 

It makes Kylo furious, and that’s just all the more reason to leave. 

He puts on his jacket, throws his backpack over his shoulder and weaves between the tables and bookshelves and students. Usually, he and Hux study in the library together until late in the evening, but he can’t stay near Hux right now. He’ll just keep studying at home. And then he’ll think of someone else to ask. 

***

Kylo absolutely cannot think of anyone else. 

No matter how much he tries, no matter how hard he thinks, there’s just no one else. 

For a brief moment he considers asking Mitaka, the mousy guy he has some classes with and does group work with when it’s required. But the thought passes almost immediately, because Mitaka seems to be a bit scared of Kylo, and also, Kylo doesn’t know anything about him. He definitely wouldn’t be comfortable bringing Mitaka home with him. He can’t imagine cuddling with him, or holding his hand. It would just be extremely awkward, and he’s not about to submit himself to that kind of torture. 

He’s getting desperate though. 

It’s the beginning of December, and he has roughly three weeks left until he leaves. 

Leia called him yesterday evening, asking about his boyfriend, and whether he would come for Christmas, and Kylo, like an idiot, had said yes. Because she’d sounded so hopeful. Because he couldn’t bring himself to admit the truth. Because he can apparently never stop being shitty, and he never, ever, thinks before he acts. 

He’s trying not to lose hope, but it seems like a losing battle at this point. Hux doesn’t want to go with him, had been very adamant about that, and Kylo isn’t going to magically acquire some more friends in the next few weeks. And he sure as hell isn’t going to acquire an actual boyfriend in the next few weeks. 

Kylo spends way too much time thinking about possible solutions, and not coming up with any. There has to be something he can do to save this. There has to be. He’ll get this right, somehow. 

***

Phasma opens the pizza carton and the smell immediately fills the entire room. Kylo’s mouth starts watering. He’s been waiting for this evening. 

Pizza night is one of his favourite things. It’s great. The pizza is absolutely delicious, and the evening his always hilarious, because they usually watch bad movies, and nothing is quite as entertaining as hearing Phasma and Hux rip apart the entire thing. 

He honestly can’t wait to tear into his pizza and lounge on Phasma’s comfortable couch and just not worry about anything for about two hours. He really needs pizza night right now. University is kind of killing him, he has deadlines to meet and papers to write, and also, there’s still the whole boyfriend thing, and he just really needs a relaxing evening with his friends. 

Phasma passes him a pizza carton, and he takes a moment to just breathe in the cheesy, greasy, heavenly smell. Hux, sitting next to him and reaching for his own pizza carton, throws him a  _ look _ , a slightly disgusted grimace on his face. Kylo very decidedly ignores it. Hux has already ruined his Christmas plans, he’s not going to ruin pizza night too. 

“I think today is a rom-com kind of day,” Phasma says, settling down on her armchair with the pizza on her lap. 

Hux groans. “I don’t think I can stomach that today. I’m not in the mood for hetero bullshit.” 

“All the more reason to watch one. There’s a new Christmas-y one on Netflix, and it looks absolutely terrible.” 

Hux groans again, but doesn’t protest any further, instead takes a bite out of his pizza, chees dripping down from it. Hux’s pizza looks disgusting, with all sorts of weird toppings thrown on it, amongst them pineapple and pepperoni, but Hux seems to like it. He orders it every time. Kylo is about one hundred percent sure his weird eating habits are the reason Hux is so cranky all the time, but he wouldn’t dare say it. In all honesty, the stuff Hux eats kind of frightens him, sometimes. He himself is a simple man. As long as there’s copious amounts of cheese on his pizza, he’s happy. And this pizza is looking perfectly cheesy. 

While Phasma turns on the TV and starts looking or the movie she wants to torture them with, Kylo starts on his own pizza. He groans slightly at the first bite, the taste of it better than he imagined, and everything he needs right now. 

“Ren.” 

Hux’s voice interrupts his food induced ecstasy. 

“What?” he mumbles around the pizza in his mouth. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Hux chastises him. 

Kylo groans, rolls his eyes. “You wanted to talk to me.” 

"Yes, whatever. Anyways, have you found someone for this stupid plan of yours?" 

It takes Kylo a moment to realize what Hux is talking about. When he does, he groans again, much more pained this time, and slumps down on the sofa, careful of his pizza, just for the drama of it. 

"No, I haven't found anyone. And at this point, I don't think I will." 

Hux hums, thoughtful, and takes another bite of his pizza. He takes his time chewing. Kylo watches him, traces the bob of his throat as he swallows with his eyes, and waits for Hux to say something. Anything. 

“That’s a pity,” Hux says. 

Kylo snortsy, he can’t help himself. As if it isn’t Hux’s fault that he’s still looking for someone. Fucking hypocrite. 

“What’s the matter?” Phasma asks.

Apparently he had snorted louder than intended. Hux is scowling again, no surprise there- he doesn’t like being mocked, and he always tells Kylo that it’s inelegant to snort, undignified. 

“Kylo is looking for a fake boyfriend to fuck his family over, that’s the matter,” Hux explains. He sounds vaguely sour. 

Phasma snorts, then. And Hux doesn’t say a thing, because he’s only ever criticizing Kylo. Kylo can feel himself getting annoyed - and he hates it, because he just wants to relax and have a fun evening, for fuck’s sake. 

“Sounds fun,” Phasma says. “Why?” 

She looks at him intently, and so does Hux, and Kylo knows that he can’t get out of this. These two can be scary, relentless. Better to give them what they want right away. He sighs. 

“My mother was complaining that I never bring anyone home, and then I said I was actually dating someone, even though I’m not, and then she told me to bring my boyfriend home for Christmas, and I didn’t know how to tell her no, and now I’m just in too deep to back out. But I don’t have anyone to do it, so I guess I’m fucked.” 

“How sad.” Phasma smirks, mercilessly, and Kylo knows she actually doesn’t think it’s sad at all. Then she frowns. “Wait. Hux, why don’t you just do it?” 

Hux crosses his arms in front of his chest, the corners of his mouth pulled down in a grimace. 

“Because I have other plans. I have things to do, and I want no part in this mess.” 

“Sure you do,” Phasma says, laughing. 

She shakes her head, almost disbelieving, and brings her hand up to her face, briefly massaging her forehead in obvious exasperation. Hux glares at her, but says nothing. Kylo has the distinct feeling he’s missing something here, but he can’t really grasp what. It doesn’t matter anyway. Whatever Phasma and Hux are communicating just by looking at each other, he doesn’t care. It won’t get him out of this situation. 

Kylo groans, leans back and lets his head drop onto the headrest. He stares at the ceiling, white-grey, and the shades thrown by the lamp, but there aren’t any answers there, either. This is all a terrible, terrible mess. And he has no one to blame but himself. It’d be easier to blame Hux - and he does, a little bit, because it’s always easier to blame someone else. But deep down, Kylo knows it’s not Hux’s fault. Obviously, Hux has better things to do. No, Kylo has fucked up colossally, and Hux isn’t responsible for that, it’s not Hux’s job to fix this for him. 

Knowing that he can blame no one else makes this all somehow even worse. Being self-aware is exhausting. Though he can’t deny that therapy has been overall really great for him, sometimes he misses being completely delusional towards his own missteps. But also not really, because that had been a shitshow too, so now he’s just being miserable in a much more healthy way. Maybe someday he’ll finally learn to just not do shitty things and not get into these kinds of situations. That’d be great.

“Well, I hope you can find someone to do it,” Phasma says. 

“Thanks,” he groans. Keeps looking at the ceiling. Takes another bite of his pizza, or tries to, but the cheese and sauce drip onto his face and make him even more miserable. 

Hux passes him a napkin, and Kylo mumbles his thanks. He doesn’t want to ask Hux about it all again, but he’s also getting really desperate, and it takes all his willpower not to blurt out some kind of plea. Instead of making a fool of himself, Kylo wipes his face and stuffs the too big piece of pizza into his mouth, to keep himself from talking. 

Finally, Phasma presses play on the movie, putting him out of his misery, at least for now. Kylo doesn’t want to think about this anymore. He just wants to watch a trashy movie, and listen to Hux and Phasma rip it to shreds, and savour the rest of his pizza.

He can get back to everything else tomorrow. And then he’ll figure it out.   
  


***  
  


He’s not figuring this out. 

He’s not figuring anything out. 

Time passes, and Christmas looms on the horizon, more and more threatening each day, and isn’t that fucked up? Kylo keeps looking for someone, anyone, and he can’t for the life of him find a good candidate, but instead of coming clear, or saying his boyfriend won’t make it, he keeps telling Leia that yes, they’re both coming around, and they’re both very much looking forward to it. He knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t keep himself from lying more and digging himself an even deeper hole. He’s not even entirely sure why. Maybe because he doesn’t want to see Leia’s disappointed face when he gets home. At this rate, it doesn’t matter what his intention is. She’ll look at him like this anyway when he arrives alone next week. 

It’s probably about time that he admits that this isn’t going to work. It’s not going to work, and he’ll be humiliated and miserable by the end of it, and it’s all because he can’t tell the truth. 

***

_ Hux: I’ll do it.  _

Kylo can’t stop staring at the message. It’s been two hours since Hux sent it, and Kylo still doesn’t know how to respond. He keeps unlocking his phone, staring at the message, thumbs hovering over the display to type out an answer, and then locking his phone and putting it down again. But he can’t  _ not _ look at the message, so he picks his phone up again, and keeps staring- 

He still can’t believe the message is real. The urge to pinch himself, try to see if he’s dreaming, is very strong. Because how high are the chances that Hux has actually changed his mind? It’s extremely unlikely. 

Yet the message is there. 

_ Hux: I’ll do it. _

The message isn’t very precise, but there’s no doubt about what he’s talking about. Kylo hasn’t asked him do to anything else recently. This is the only thing that Hux could possibly mean. Still, Kylo can’t help but be unsure. He needs to make sure. He needs to know without a doubt that Hux really means it, that he’s really coming home with Kylo. 

He still doesn’t know how to respond, an he doubts he’ll think of anything eloquent in the near future, so he just presses the call button without thinking about it too much. While he waits for Hux to pick up, Kylo becomes increasingly aware of his own rapidly thumping heartbeat. He can feel it in his throat, and his mouth is dry, and his hands are sweating. Maybe he’s unreasonably nervous about this, but he can’t do anything about it. This is important. 

Hux picks up after the ninth ring. 

“Ren?” he asks, forgoing any greeting. He already sounds exasperated. Kylo doesn’t care. 

“Are you really going to do it? Come home with me?” He can’t muster up patience for a greeting either, cuts right to the chase, because he needs to know. 

Hux sighs, the sound crackling over the connection. There’s silence for a few moments, and Kylo begins to fear that maybe Hux hung up, maybe Hux has changed his mind already, before he hears a deep intake of breath. 

“Yes, I’m really going to do it.” 

Kylo lets out the breath he’s been holding, relief washing over him. The weight that’s been on his shoulders the past few weeks, dragging him down further with every passing day, has finally been lifted away, and he feels like he can finally stand up straight again. 

“Fuck,” he says. 

“Fuck? I thought you’d be happy to hear this. If you’ve already found someone else, just say so.” 

Kylo can’t be sure, of course, because he can’t see Hux’s face, and his voice is slightly tinny through the phone, but it almost sounds like Hux is put off by this, maybe offended, and he can’t risk that Hux pulls back his offer, because- 

“No, no, I don’t have anyone else. I am happy about it. Just… fuck, Hux. Thank you  _ so much _ .” 

“Yes, whatever. You’re welcome.”

He isn’t sure whether Hux really means that, but the truth is, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about sincerity or any of that crap, he doesn’t even care why Hux has changed his mind. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that Hux said yes, and that Kylo can turn up at his childhood home without absolutely humiliating himself. The absolute relief rushing through him is almost dizzying, but at the same time invigorating. He laughs, breathlessly, and only barely resists the urge to punch the air in triumph, then remembers he lives alone and does it anyway. 

“So, how do you want this to go?” Hux asks. 

Kylo stops short. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, what is your goal with all of this? How do you want it to work? When do you even leave?”

“I was planning to drive home on the 20th.”

“That’s in three days!” Hux squawks indignantly. 

“It’s not my fault it took you so long to decide!”

There’s a grumble on Hux’s side, and Kylo shakes his head, grinning. He kind of wishes he could see Hux’s face right now, it probably looks hilarious. 

“Anyway, I don’t think there’s really that much to it. We just pretend to date for a week so my parents will stop annoying me. Maybe we can piss them off a little, I don’t know. It’s not that complicated.” 

Hux sighs. “It absolutely  _ is _ that complicated, Ren.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s fake. How hard can it be?”

Of course Hux is making a big deal out of this. 

“Listen up, Ren,” he says, and the sharp tone of his voice makes Kylo sit up straight, pay attention. “If you want this to work, we need a plan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The Christmas Fake Dating fic, even though Christmas is over. I hope you enjoy it!  
> Regarding the additonal tags that will be added: They're mostly about the smut, because I haven't finished this story yet, and don't entirely know what will happen smut wise, but it won't be anything super wild.  
> Additional content notes will always be in the end notes if they're needed!  
> Also, this fic will update every two weeks. 
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair)!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some content notes down in the end notes!

Out of all the stupid decisions Hux has made in his life, this may be the stupidest. 

He usually prides himself in being quite smart, but apparently he’s not, because if he were, he wouldn’t be in this situation. The situation being this: He’s sitting in the passenger seat of Ren’s rundown car, listening to tinny old school rock music blaring out of the speakers. His eyes are closed, and he’s pretending to sleep, so he doesn’t have to talk to Ren, and because there’s nothing interesting to see anyway. The landscape has barely changed since they left the city, just trees and fields and nothing else, and it probably won’t change in the near future. Ren had told him the drive would take four hours. They’re in the middle of hour two now. Hux hopes he won’t die of boredom before they arrive. 

While he pretends to sleep, he has ample time to think about why he’s stupid for agreeing to Ren’s scheme. The list of reasons is long and plentiful. He tries to tell himself it’s Phasmas fault, but that’s only half true. 

(“Why don’t you go with him?” she’d asked, the day after pizza night. 

“Because I already have plans” he’d said. He didn’t want to talk about it. 

Phasma snorted. “Bullshit. Your plans are to sit on your couch with a bottle of wine and your cat and be miserable and then spend all your time studying. That’s not a real plan.” 

She was right, of course, but he didn’t want to admit it. 

“I don’t want to, alright?” He was angry now, spitting, and hoped she’d just drop it, but Phasma had a habit of always digging into the wound just a little bit deeper, because she got enjoyment out of making people uncomfortable. 

She looked at him, then, inquisitive, and after a moment, something seemed to light up behind her eyes. 

“Go with him,” she said again. “It’ll be good for you. For both of you.” 

Hux had flushed, feeling suddenly seen in a way he didn’t like, and he’d looked away. He couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. 

“I don’t need to do this to myself,” he’d mumbled.)

Turns out, he has a terrible sense of self-preservation, and he agreed to it anyway. He knows it’s going to be hell, he knows it’s going to  _ hurt _ like hell, so maybe that means he’s a bit of a masochist, because he knew all that, and he still decided to say fuck it and agree. 

There’s a small, quiet part of his brain that’s curious. Maybe that’s why Hux decided to say yes after all. He’s still not quite sure what had finally pushed him to do it, but he suspects curiosity is a big part of it. That, and Phasma’s consistent needling. 

Because, yes, alright, he is kind of curious what dating Kylo Ren would entail. Of course he’s curious about that. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Ren for months, and he’s wondered what it would be like to be with him far too many times for his own good. Especially because nothing will ever come from it. 

Hux knows he’s not an option for Ren, never has been, and never will be. But that doesn’t stop him from ogling, and that doesn’t stop his traitorous heart from beating faster every time Ren sits especially close to him, and it doesn’t stop him from wondering what it would be like. 

Maybe, hopefully, this experience will finally put an end to this stupid… thing inside him, because it will turn out Ren is actually terrible boyfriend material, and then whatever is going on with Hux’s feelings will stop. That’s what he’s hoping for. 

(And it’s not like he doesn’t already know that Ren is terrible boyfriend material, and it’s not like he doesn’t already know this won’t work out the way he wants it to, and he’ll definitely suffer, and it’s his own fault, and this won’t make the thing in his chest go away.) 

(It’s not a crush. He refuses to call it a crush.) 

(He’s not pining.) 

Really, this whole week is just bound to be a disaster. In more ways than one. 

Ren didn’t even have a proper  _ plan _ , for fuck’s sake. He’d just thought they’d wing it, improvise, or something equally silly. 

Fuck, Hux still isn’t sure whether he’s supposed to impress Ren’s parents or piss them off. He’s never met anybody’s parents, and he doubts he’ll be any good at it. There’s no way any parents could ever be impressed by him. Truth be told, he’s still baffled Ren had even asked him, because what could have possibly made Ren think that Hux would be a good boyfriend? No, fake boyfriend. There’s a difference. 

(And Hux can still feel the painful pang in his chest, when Ren had asked him the first time, because for a moment he stupidly thought that Ren wanted something else, something real, but he hadn’t, he doesn’t, and it had hurt then and it hurts now and it will hurt later, when the week is over.)

Ren told him not to worry too much about it. It doesn’t matter whether his parents like Hux or not, because in one or two months, Ren will just tell them they broke up and it will be done, Hux won‘t have to see them again. 

But it goes against everything Hux is, against everything he knows, to not worry. Worrying is what he  _ does _ . He can’t just… not do it. 

Ren doesn’t seem to have any of these problems, or any of these doubts. He’s humming along to the song currently playing, his fingers drumming rhythmically on the steering wheel, and he has been surprisingly relaxed the entire day.

The humming and drumming and the music, combined with the steady rumble of the car, actually makes Hux sleepy. It’s only early noon, but he can feel his eyelids get heavier and his thoughts turn sluggy. For a moment, he resist falling asleep. The thought of being alone with Ren in this car, asleep, vulnerable, makes him uneasy. But then he decides that that’s stupid. He’ll spend the whole week with Ren. They’ll probably share a bed. Better get used to being asleep around Ren right away. 

It doesn’t take long for the soft sounds to lull Hux to sleep. 

  
  


***

“Hux. Wake up, Hux.”

The voice pulls him out of a deep slumber, and it takes Hux a moment to place it. He’s disoriented, but then he blinks the sleep from his eyes, takes in the car, and remembers. Ren. Christmas. 

He groans, stretches as good as he can in the cramped space of the car. Something pops in his back, and his neck feels stiff. He shouldn’t have slept in the car, his back is absolutely going to kill him later. 

“We’re nearly there. Maybe another ten minutes,” Ren says. 

Hux frowns. Surely he can’t have slept that long. Right? He looks out of the window, takes in his surroundings. The monotone fields and greenery have changed into what looks like the suburb of a city: huge houses, meticulously kept gardens, the whole white picket fence deal. 

He looks over to Ren, opens his mouth to say something like “thank you for letting me sleep”, but stops short. Ren seems… tense. He’s gripping the steering wheel much more tightly than he did before, and his mouth is turned down in a grimace. He’s looking at the road intently, and he’s stopped humming. 

Hux isn’t sure if he should ask, but they’re pretending to date, so he figures, why not just go for it? People who are in relationships care about each other, right? 

“Are you… alright?”

Ren swallows heavily, keeps staring ahead without even so much as glancing at Hux. He doesn’t answer. 

Hux waits for a minute, for two, for five. Ren still doesn’t say anything. And Hux doesn’t want to ask again, because it’s not something he usually does, he doesn’t know how to do this, there’s no protocol, he’s already uncomfortable enough. 

But then the car slows down and Ren swerves right, onto a gravelly driveway. He pulls up next to a car that looks even older than the one Ren drives. The engine shuts off. Instead of climbing out of the car, Ren keeps gripping the steering wheel and just… stares at the house. It’s huge and white, three storeys, with a porch wrapping around the entire lower level, probably continuing in the back. The garden looks messy but well kept, mostly barren right now due to the season, but Hux suspects it looks like an explosion of colour in the summer, flowers, and bushes and trees everywhere. There’s a bench next to the front door, old and rickety but somehow charming, and a somewhat corny Christmas wreath on the door itself. Hux doesn’t know what he expected, but it somehow wasn’t this. 

Ren still doesn’t move, and Hux takes a deep breath. He can’t have Ren starting drama as soon as they go inside. They both want this to go well, and he can feel the stress radiating from Ren, and that’s almost always a precursor to them shouting at each other, and if they start the week off like that, there’s no way Ren’s parents will believe them. So he has to try and calm Ren down, somehow. 

“Ren, are you sure there’s nothing wrong with you? You can… tell me, if there is…. if I can - I can do anything, or…” 

Ren huffs, maybe amused, maybe annoyed. Hux can’t quite tell. 

“It’s nothing,” Ren assures him, and Hux doesn’t believe him, but stays quiet. “It’s just… my parents and I have a - complicated relationship. That’s all.” 

There seems to be more, much more, but Ren doesn’t keep talking and Hux doesn’t ask. 

“Shall we go inside, then?” Hux asks. He doesn’t want to take the lead here, doesn’t know how any of this should work, but if Ren won’t do anything, he has to. 

Ren nods, and they finally get out of the car. Hux gets his suitcase from the trunk, and Ren throws his duffel bag over his shoulder. When he slams the trunk closed, Hux flinches slightly, can’t help himself because of the loud noise. Thankfully, Ren doesn’t notice, and they start making their way towards the front door. 

“Oh, one last thing,” Ren says as they climb the stairs. “You should probably call me Kylo. Since we’re supposed to be dating and all that.” 

Hux almost chokes on his spit. This hadn’t even occurred to him. Ren is just… Ren. Calling him Kylo seems weird. But he’ll have to, if it will make this more convincing. 

“Alright.”

He doesn’t offer up his first name. Ren- no, Kylo, absolutely won’t call him Armitage. He refuses to let this be a  _ thing _ , where they start calling each other by their first names, like any of this is actually real. If Kylo thinks Hux is going to give up everything for the sake of this masquerade, he’s wrong. There have to be limits, because if there aren’t, this whole thing will spiral out of control, it will- 

Ren rings the doorbell. 

The sound of it can be heard outside, and Hux’s heart starts beating surprisingly fast. He can feel it in his throat, and that’s just stupid, because this isn’t a big deal, or it shouldn’t be, because this is all fake and nothing matters. 

(Except it is a big deal, and everything matters.)

There’s nothing for a few seconds, and they wait silently. Then, footsteps echo from inside the house. The door opens, and a small woman beams up at them. She’s wearing what looks like a robe, or a dress, with many layers, and her hair is braided around her head in a complicated looking hairdo, not that Hux knows anything about hairstyles or braiding. 

“Hi, Mom,” Kylo says, sounding sheepish, and the woman throws her arms around him, janks him into a hug with surprising strength. Hux stares, unsure of what to do. 

“Oh, honey, it’s so good to see you,” she mumbles into Kylo’s hair. 

It looks funny, this small woman holding Kylo close. He leans into the hug, even though it must be uncomfortable to bend down that far, and briefly presses the woman close to him. Then he starts to carefully extricate himself from her grasp, gently pushing her away by the shoulders and smiling hesitantly. 

“It’s been so long since I saw you, you should visit more often,” she chastises him, but she’s smiling too.

Kylo shrugs, looks away with flushed cheeks. “I’m busy…” 

The whole display is quite hilarious to watch. Hux absolutely does not know what to make of it, or what to do. He’s not dumb, he can see that there are many things left unsaid between Kylo and his mother. It makes him feel like an intruder, just watching them during their reunion and keeping them from speaking their mind. The beating of his heart hasn’t slowed, if anything, it’s gotten even faster. He has the urge to dig his nails into his palms, and his throat has closed up for reasons he can’t explain. The intimacy between Kylo and his mother… he feels like he shouldn’t be seeing it. He also feels a strange yearning he can’t place, and that makes the whole situation even weirder. 

It seems like the woman hasn’t noticed him yet, and maybe Kylo has forgotten he’s here, so for a brief moment Hux entertains the idea of slipping away, sneaking a smoke behind the garden shed until he’s calmed down. 

But then the woman turns to him with a beaming smile. She looks him up and down, taking his appearance in, and Hux immediately wishes he’d worn something else. When they’d planned the whole thing, Kylo had told him to pack comfortable clothes, no slacks or button-ups, because apparently his family is very relaxed about this sort of thing. There are big sweaters and loungewear in Hux’s suitcase, and he’s wearing jeans and a knitted jumper right now. It makes him feel even more unprepared and uncomfortable and somehow unlike himself. He usually wears sleek clothes like armour, and now he can’t even hide behind a neatly ironed shirt. 

But he has a part to play, and he’s good a good actor if nothing else, so he does what he thinks one does in a situation like this. 

“Hello. I’m Hux, Kylo’s boyfriend. It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs-”

He goes to shake her hand, but before he can even lift his arm, she pulls him into a hug. Hux freezes, his eyes widen. He didn’t realize this was going to happen, he didn’t realize he would be hugged too, he doesn’t hug people, usually, and he’s not used to this, or prepared for this, at all. His plan for the week, his plan on how to act and how to survive this whole disaster, is already derailing at rapid speed, and he’s not even inside the house yet. 

Instead of letting his panic show, he tries to smile, sure it looks more like a grimace than anything else, and awkwardly pats her back. 

“Just call me Leia, honey. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” 

Hux hums, hoping it conveys his agreement, and tries to step back. Thankfully, she lets him go without much struggle. 

Kylo shoots him a vaguely apologetic look as Leia pats Hux’s arm. 

“What a nice looking young man you are,” she says. 

Hux awkwardly clears his throat. To say he’s uncomfortable with compliments would be an understatement. 

“Uhm. Thanks?”

“Can you let us in, Mom? It’s kind of cold outside,” Kylo says, interrupting all further awkward conversation. 

Hux never would have thought he’d be thankful to have Kylo with him, but he is now. 

“Oh, right, of course! Come in, come in. Close the door behind you. Han is so excited to see you!”

She enters the house while she talks, and Kylo murmurs something unintelligible. They shuffle inside. Hux closes the door, then looks around. The hallway is stuffed full with decorations and jackets and shoes and all kinds of other stuff, but it still looks somehow tasteful, in a lived-in sort of way. It’s a stark contrast to what Hux is used to; the bare walls of his father’s house, where everything was too old to touch and depressingly monochrome; his own flat, now, decorated minimalistically, in sharp grey and ice blue, with tasteful art on the walls, but still warm enough to feel comfortable in. 

He discards his shoes and coat, then follows Kylo and Leia into an adjoined room to the left, dragging his suitcase behind him, because he doesn’t know what else to do with it. At least it keeps his hands occupied; he’s gripping the handle so hard his knuckles are standing out white. 

The room they enter is a huge living room. The whole messiness seems to be a theme in this house, because this room, too, is filled with all sorts of stuff. The grey sofa is covered in colourful pillows and throw blankets and looks like it could fit twenty people. Plants of various sizes sit on all the shelves, floral paintings in bright colours cover the walls. There are Christmas decorations and twinkling lights all over the room, and a Christmas tree, already decorated with mismatched ornaments, stands in the corner, so big that it touches the ceiling. The wooden shelves are a warm brown, and give the room something homey. 

A giant TV is mounted to the wall, some sports game playing that Hux is sure he doesn’t understand and also very much doesn’t care for. An old man, who must be Kylo’s father, lounges on the sofa with a bottle of beer dangling from his hand. As he sees them enter, a smirk spreads on his lips, and he stands, setting his beer down on the coffee table. 

“Kid! It’s been ages! You should really come around more often,” the man says as he walks up to Kylo and hugs him, too. 

Kylo rolls his eyes, and Hux can’t help but scoff. He’s been here for five minutes, and Kylo’s parents are already the polar opposite from what he expected. With how much Kylo complains about his family, one would think they’re all assholes. But so far, they actually seem kind of… nice. Huh. 

“Who’s that redhead over there?” the man asks, pointing in Hux’s direction. 

Hux feels himself stiffen as all eyes turn towards him. He hates being the centre of attention, but he knows how to behave himself, so he tries to look less like a deer caught in the headlights and more like someone confident. He straightens and takes a step towards the man, holding out his hand. 

“I’m Hux.” 

“He’s my boyfriend,” Kylo explains, and hearing Kylo say it sends a shiver down Hux’s spine. He’s not sure whether it’s a good or a bad feeling. 

Leia sighs and rolls her eyes. “I told you Ben would bring his boyfriend home. Honestly, Han, do you ever listen to me?” 

“Must have forgotten it,” Han says with a shrug. 

Then he steps towards Hux, grabs his hand and pulls him into a weird, manly half-hug. He claps Hux’s back so hard it makes his bones rattle, and Hux bites back a wince. 

“Nice to meet you, kid. I’m Han. Ben hasn’t told me anything about you. I can’t imagine why you’re putting up with him.” 

“Dad!” Kylo whines, a flush spreading on his face. 

“What? Red’s much too cute for you,” Han says. 

Hux bristles at the nickname, tries not to snap  _ Don’t call me Red _ . bites his tongue to keep himself from ruining this before it’s even properly begun. He coughs instead, and all he wants is to get out of this situation as far as possible. This is terrible. He’s sure his face is just as red as Kylo’s, if not redder, simply because he flushes easily. 

Leia chimes in again, putting a hand on Han’s shoulder, which seems to shut him up immediately. 

“Han, leave the poor boys alone.” 

Han looks like he wants to say something, maybe defend himself, but she stops him with a sharp glare. 

Hux watches the display, not knowing what to do or say. If he  _ should _ do or say anything. He has no protocol for this, no past experiences to go back to, and it unnerves him, how wholly unprepared he is, despite his best efforts. Kylo glances over at him, and there’s something in his eyes, maybe something like understanding. He takes a step towards Hux and takes his hand, just like that. 

They talked about physical contact, about intimacy, how much they should touch to make this convincing, and what they’re comfortable with. Of course they talked about it. Hand holding is simply an item on the list of things they agreed to do. But it still sends a shock through Hux’s entire body. Kylo’s hand is so much  _ bigger _ than his own, engulfs it nearly completely. The skin is warm and callused, and Hux can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have Kylo touch him all over, drag his rough fingers over Hux’s soft skin. The thought makes Hux shiver and blush, and he tries to chase it away as soon as it occurs to him. But now that he knows how Kylo’s hand feels in his, he’s not sure he can stop thinking about it. 

“We’re going to unpack now, if that’s alright,” Kylo says. It doesn’t sound like there’s much to discuss on the matter. 

Before either of his parents say anything, Kylo has already turned around. He drags Hux with him, never letting go of his hand, even as they step out of the living room and back into the hallway. Kylo leads him up a wide staircase. The wall here is littered with countless photographs. There are pictures of Kylo, from his childhood up to recently. Hux decides he’ll take a closer look later. Most of the people on the pictures, he doesn’t recognize, obviously, but there are a few of Kylo’s cousin, Rey, who he has seen on campus and at Kylo’s flat a few times. He’ll probably meet some of the other family members within the next few days. Kylo mentioned a lot of guests coming over for Christmas. 

They walk down the corridor on the first floor, passing multiple closed doors before stopping at the end of the hall. Kylo opens the door on the right, letting go of Hux’s hand. Hux immediately misses the warm touch, but tries not to dwell on it. Instead, he follows Kylo into what appears to be his childhood bedroom. 

It’s somehow exactly how he imagined Kylo’s room to look. Cluttered with models of vintage airplanes and books and art supplies, like no one ever bothered to clean up after Kylo moved out. Bookshelves, filled to the brim, are pushed against one wall, a desk against the other, posters of famous paintings and newspaper clippings and prints curling at the edges covering the wall above it almost completely. Actually, all walls in the room seem to be covered with pictures of some kind, the dark blue paint job only visible in small patches. There are some posters of Kylo’s favourite bands above the double bed, and glow-in-the-dark-stars taped to the ceiling. A crooked, paint splattered easel is shoved into the corner next to the desk, and Hux can see that what he previously thought was just a black, glittering wall hanging is actually a curtain, seperating a seemingly tiny walk-in-closet from the rest of the room. 

Not that he’d thought about what Kylo’s room might look like before, but it still seems fitting, though very different from Kylo’s current apartment, which is thankfully devoid of all the slightly embarrassing teenage stuff in here. It’s also, unsurprisingly, completely different from Hux’s own childhood bedroom, which he can’t help but think about now. He’s never really felt at home there, the walls bare because he wasn’t allowed to hang anything up, only a few plants on the windowsill, all memorabilia and knick-knacks hidden in drawers, out of sight, and the only touch of his own personality the blue carpet and throw pillows Brendol had deemed appropriate. Kylo’s room seems like the perfect refuge for a queer art history nerd in his teens going through his goth phase, which is essentially Kylo’s personality, except he’s mostly grown out of his goth phase. Mostly. It’s dark, but not depressing, and messy in a way that shows that Kylo used to spend a lot of time here, and was allowed to really be himself within his own four walls. 

Everything about this room makes Hux just a little bit jealous. 

Kylo doesn’t seem to notice. He throws his bag onto the bed, which is covered in dark grey, washed out linen. With a loud groan, Kylo drags both hands through his hair. 

“Sorry about my parents. They’re… a lot.” 

Hux snorts. “ _ A lot _ is a bit of an understatement. Seems to run in the family.” 

He pushes his suitcase against one of the bookcases, because he doesn’t know where else to put it. Kylo groans again, louder and more pitiful this time, and covers his face with his hands. 

“Shit,” he says, with feeling, his voice muffled by his fingers. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t expect them to be like  _ that _ right away.” 

With his shoulders hunched inwards, his face covered, and his voice sounding close to miserable, Hux feels almost sorry for Kylo. He doesn’t know how to handle that, either. In truth, he doesn’t know how to handle any of this, at all. But he agreed to Kylo’s plan, and he’s here now, so he might as well try. 

Hesitantly, he walks over to Kylo and puts his hand on his shoulder. He can feel the tension in Kylo’s shoulder, and he squeezes reassuringly, until the tension releases. Kylo lets out a deep breath and slumps further, but at least he pulls his hands away from his face. 

“Sorry,” Kylo says again. “Seeing my parents can just be… a lot.” 

Hux chuckles, softly, because apparently everything about this situation is just  _ a lot _ . He doesn’t ask for clarification though. Though he understands that the relationship between Kylo and his family must be complicated, he’s not about to go digging for it. Kylo wouldn’t want that, just like Hux wouldn’t want him to ask questions about Brendol, and it’s not his place to ask anyway. He’s Kylo’s fake boyfriend, not his real boyfriend, Juicy family secrets aren’t of interest to him. 

It’s strange, though, that he already feels closer to Kylo than he did this morning. Maybe it’s because he has glimpsed behind the curtains of Kylo’s life now, in a way he previously hadn’t. Or maybe it’s because Kylo hasn’t pushed him off yet, and that makes it much easier to let himself believe in this whole charade, too. 

He can’t afford to get lost in it. It’s a game, it’s fake. But Hux can’t help but let himself imagine, let himself believe for just a few seconds.

This is going to end so terribly for him, yet he can’t do anything to stop it. It’s like a train wreck happening in slow motion, and he’s incapable of stopping it, and he can’t look away. 

Kylo stands up straight, and Hux pulls his hand away, as much as he doesn’t want to. 

“Are you good to go again?” Hux asks him. 

Kylo nods, takes another deep breath. “Yes, I think I’m good. Sorry again. You probably don’t care about any of… this” 

He chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, and Hux nods dumbly, briefly taken aback by the pretty blush spreading on Kylo’s face. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he mumbles. 

Kylo nods again, then turns towards the door again. “So, what do you think? Are you ready to go back downstairs?” 

“I should be asking you that,” Hux says. 

Kylo snorts. “Yeah, sure. Alright then.” 

He offers Hux his hand again. It’s only because they have to be convincing, Hux reminds himself, but he can’t stop his heart rate from picking up. Damned be his traitorous body. When he takes Kylo’s hand, he tells himself he’s only doing it because he has to, not because he wants to. 

(But he’s weak, and he already wants everything Kylo has to offer, and more. So much more.)   
  


***

  
  


Dinner is a tense affair. They sit around a table that’s much too big for just the four of them, and the conversation keeps dying off. Kylo touches Hux’s hand and arm repeatedly, almost absentmindedly, when he’s reaching for a drink or salt. It makes Hux even more jittery than he already is. 

He pays close attention to Kylo’s parents while they all eat and try to talk, tries to gather as much information as possible. Leia emits an understated elegance. 

There’s something almost regal about the way she talks and moves, all controlled movements and carefully chosen, if brash, words. She’s imposing, despite her height, and Hux gets the impression she’s the one who’s in charge of this household. But she’s also nice, gives smiles freely, and spreads warmth as soon as she enters the room. She makes Hux want to be comfortable, even though he can’t quite manage to relax quite yet. 

Han is obviously absolutely smitten with her. It’s in his eyes when he looks at her, or when she chastises him for something he’s done. He looks much more ruffled than she does, his rough face and hair and clothes a stark contrast to her tasteful outfit and complicated braids. Truth be told, he just seems  _ chaotic _ , and Hux isn’t sure he likes that. Also, he has the most inappropriate sense of humour, and swears more than Hux and Kylo combined, which must require a special sort of talent. 

Both their attention seems to make Kylo uncomfortable. He keeps tensing up, looking away, biting his lips. It’s awkward to watch at times, how they all seem to dance around each other. But there’s also affection there, and warmth. It’s different to Hux’s own family life. Kylo’s parents clearly care for him. It is mildly irritating that they keep calling him Ben, though. Hux knows Kylo changed his name shortly after his eighteenth birthday. One would think three years are enough to get used to a new name, but maybe his parents are just sentimental. Or they do it to spite him, because Kylo mentioned once his parents didn’t like the name change. Hux isn’t sure, and he’s not sure it even matters. So far, Kylo hasn’t corrected them once. 

The food is good, at least. Most of it is Han’s doing, apparently; the pasta with sauce and salad on the side is simple, yet delicious. Kylo is eating a lot of it, which isn’t a surprise. Hux knows about his eating habits from the countless times they’ve gotten lunch or dinner together in the last two and a half years, and the sheer quantity of food Kylo is able to stuff himself with never fails to amaze him. It’s also mildly appalling, but he’s used to that by now. 

Hux keeps refilling his plate, too. If he always has a mouth stuffed full of pasta, he doesn’t have to talk as much. It seems like a good game plan to be as inconspicuous as possible, to not draw any attention to himself. 

The plan works for the first half of dinner, but when Han goes to get them dessert, Hux finds himself with an empty mouth and faced with Leia’s curious face.

“So, honey, tell me a little about yourself. How old are you?” 

That’s an easy question at least. So easy, in fact, he’s taken a little aback by it. He’d thought he’d be properly interrogated. 

“I just turned twenty four in November,” he says, trying to be as polite as possible. 

Leia nods, looking at him intently. “So you’re a little older than Ben.” 

He nods, doesn’t know what else to say. 

“How did you two meet, anyway? Ben never told us anything about you, and suddenly you’re coming along for Christmas. How did that happen?” Han asks, putting down bowls of chocolate pudding for all of them. 

Before Hux can answer, Kylo sweeps in. 

“A mutual friend introduced us, back in sophomore year. I go to the gym with Hux’s best friend, Phasma, and one time after our workout Hux came to pick her up. We met then, but we didn’t really talk much. Then like, a week later, when classes started up, I saw him sitting in that one weird business elective I was taking. I told you about it, it was really terrible. Anyway, Hux was the only one I knew, so I sat next to him, and then we bonded over how much we hated that class. But we just started dating a few months ago.” 

Hux eats his dessert, nodding along. They talked about this, about what story to tell Kylo’s family. They could have made up some grand romantic epos, but in the end, they both decided it’s probably best to stick as close to the truth as possible, to make it easier to remember. 

He listens while Kylo talks about the first date they made up, and how their friendship slowly evolved into something more, and it’s so close to the truth that Hux could scream. At least it is for him. He doesn’t quite remember the first time he looked at Kylo and felt his heart rate pick up, or when exactly he started thinking about Kylo while he masturbated, but he knows it sneaked up on him, after many study sessions and pizza nights and totally platonic coffee dates. And now it’s lodged somewhere in his ribcage and won’t go away, no matter how hard he tries. 

Hux tries to swallow the lump of bitterness that’s stuck in his throat. Kylo is twisting reality only slightly, tells his parents about their trip to the museum last month and makes it sound like a six month anniversary date, when it actually wasn’t. It’s unfair, how easy Kylo makes all of this sound. As if their relationship is an actual possibility. 

He finds himself craving a glass of wine, or maybe something stronger, to get rid of the sour taste in his mouth and the thoughts in his head. But he’s not about to ask for alcohol on the first day of their stay here, so instead he takes another spoonful of the pudding, which is, at least, very sweet and very delicious.

“Hey, babe, is everything alright?” Kylo asks suddenly, pulling him out of his own head and back to the situation at hand. 

The pet name immediately makes Hux’s face flush, and he almost chokes on his pudding. And that’s just unfair, for Kylo to call him  _ babe _ like it means nothing, and meanwhile Hux feels like he’s going to die. 

(He hates that he agreed to let Kylo call him cutesy pet names.) 

(He wants Kylo to call him  _ babe  _ again.) 

Instead of saying any of that, he clears his throat. 

“Yes, sorry, I was just… thinking,” he says, hopefully sounding convincing. 

For good measure, he smiles at Kylo and reaches for his hand, currently resting on top of the table, to give it a quick squeeze. Kylo turns his hand over, entangles their fingers, and to hell with it, Hux is going to enjoy it, he’s going to enjoy every second of being Kylo’s fake boyfriend he can get. 

Leia takes a look at their intertwined hands, then shoots him a knowing smile. It makes Hux blush even more, damn his fair complexion.

“What are you majoring in, honey?” she asks, her tone implying that it’s not the first time she’s said it. 

He kind of wishes she’d use his real name, but he also kind of likes the way she addresses him, like he’s actually the kind of person you’d want your son to date, and not some cynical asshole. He’s going to let her live with that assumption for just a little bit longer, just until she realizes he’s not nice. Until then, he’ll just quietly accept it. 

“Engineering. I just started working on my master’s degree this semester,” he explains. 

This, at least, is something he knows how to talk about. School is a safe topic, he likes talking about his work and his studies. It’s safer than talking about relationships, which isn’t something he knows all that much about, at least not in a way that’s appropriate for parents to discuss. 

As Leia keeps asking questions about his education, seeming honestly interested and not just like she’s asking for his sake, he allows himself to relax a little. Though he still feels slightly awkward, it gets better, and he leans back against his chair, even gesticulating a bit with his free hand. With the other hand, he keeps holding onto Kylo, occasionally squeezing and getting a squeeze in response. He doesn’t let go until dinner is over.   
  


***  
  


When Hux climbs into Kylo’s bed that night, wearing flannel pajama bottoms and an old, oversized t-shirt, he realizes that he is absolutely, completely fucked. 

The bed is a double, but it’s still alarmingly small, especially for two men their size. They’ll have to be very close to both fit, and just the thought makes Hux feel anxious. He’s not sure he can handle being this close to Kylo for multiple nights in a row. It seems almost impossible to retain any amount of calm with Kylo lying mere centimetres away from him. 

When Kylo comes back from the bathroom, Hux realizes it’s going to be even worse than he thought: Kylo is only wearing his boxers and a loose tank top. How he isn’t freezing to death is beyond Hux, but he’s not going to complain about the sight. Kylo’s muscular arms and strong legs are on display, and Hux’s mouth starts to water slightly. 

“Is it alright if I sleep like this?” Kylo asks as he stuffs the day’s clothes into his bag. “I kind of run hot during the night.” 

“It’s doesn’t matter. As long as you don’t steal all the blankets, I don’t care how you sleep,” Hux says, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as strained as it feels. 

He keeps his eyes on Kylo as he turns off the overhead light and climbs into bed next to him. He shuffles around for a moment until he’s comfortable, facing Hux. They have to share the blanket, too, and Hux can already feel the body heat radiating from Kylo. 

“So, I’d say that wasn’t terrible,” Kylo mumbles. 

Hux nods, burrows into the blanket and closer to Kylo. 

“Yes. Your parents aren’t all that terrible. After the initial shock, anyway. I think I can get used to them.” 

He immediately regrets his choice of words, because that makes it sound like he would like to meet them again some time, makes it sound like he’s interested in Kylo, and Kylo is going to see right through him- 

But Kylo only laughs, turning onto his back. 

“Sorry again that they acted so weird. That’s just them, I guess. But they seem to really buy it. They’re not even a little sceptical. I mean, they don’t a have a reason to assume we’re just faking, but still. I should thank you again for helping me.” 

“It’s nothing, really,” Hux says, blushing slightly. At least Kylo can’t see it, with only the dim bedside lamp illuminating them. 

“No, really. Thank you for doing this for me. It means a lot.” 

He has never been good at honetsy. At heart-to-hearts. 

Hux clears his throat. “You’re welcome, I guess.” 

Kylo turns away from him, then, making himself as comfortable as possible in the small bed. His back bumps against Hux’s hip, but Kylo doesn’t move away. 

“Anyway, I think we’re going to deal with the rest of my family just fine. They’re all a little weird, just so you know, but I think we can do this.” 

Hux hums affirmatively. “If you say so.” 

“Yes, I do say so. You’re going to be a good fake boyfriend, Hux. Good night.” 

“Good night.” 

He turns off the bedside lamp, then, and curls up under the blanket, facing away from Kylo. Their backs touch, and Hux tries to keep his breathing in check, hopes Kylo can’t hear his racing heart. 

The glow-in-the-dark-stars on the ceiling glow only very faintly. Hux is wide awake. 

He listens to Kylo’s breathing until he’s sure Kylo is asleep, then allows himself to relax a little. 

He has no idea why he ever though agreeing to this plan was a good idea. How is he supposed to survive the coming days when everything Kylo does is almost too much to handle? Being called a “good fake boyfriend” is somehow more torturous than expected. He doesn’t quite know if it’s a good or bad sign, if it means he’s too obvious about his feelings, or just that he’s a good actor. Maybe it doesn’t matter, as long as Kylo doesn’t find out what’s really going on. At least he won’t have any problem faking it in front of Kylo’s extended family. That’s what really matters, right?

He turns around, shuffles as close to Kylo as he dares, careful not to wake him. They’re not quite touching, and he can barely make out the shape of Kylo’s back in the dark, see his shoulders rising and falling with every breath. Despite the space between them, Hux can feel Kylo’s warmth. He wants more of it. So much more.

Hux takes a deep breath, trying to get the jittery feeling in his body under control. 

He’s just going to… do what Kylo asked him to do. Act like a good, loving boyfriend. Maybe be a bit overly affectionate sometimes, if that’s what Kylo wants. And, to hell with it, he’s going to enjoy it. He’s going to take every bit of Kylo’s affection he can get, because he sure as hell won’t get any more when this is over. He has to make the most of this opportunity. If he goes down, he might as well go down with a bang. 

(And he’s definitely going down, no doubt there, with the way Kylo’s touch sets his whole body aflame. There’s nothing Hux can do about it. It’s just how it is. Kylo is absolutely irresistible.)

For now, though, Hux closes his eyes, and allows himself to dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content notes:** Some brief mentions of Brendol being a kind of shitty and very strict father, but nothing more detailed about Hux's childhood. 
> 
> So here it is!  
> And surprise! Hux is already pining! Fun!  
> I hope you enjoyed this second chapter. The next one is coming in two weeks. 
> 
> If you want to, come say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings are down in the end notes

When Kylo wakes up, he’s disconcertingly warm, and there’s an arm draped over his chest. 

It takes him a moment to put the pieces together, to remember where he is and why he’s not alone in his bed. Then it comes back to him: It’s almost Christmas, he’s in his childhood bed, together with Hux, who’s playing his fake boyfriend for the week. 

He remembers that he fell asleep facing away from Hux, but he must have turned over at some point during the night, because now their legs are entangled, Hux’s head is resting on his right arm, and Hux’s arm is thrown over his torso. Hux is snoring softly, his mouth open and forehead almost pressed against Kylo’s chest. He looks unusually soft right now, all guards down while he’s asleep, but Kylo figures that’s just how it works. 

Kylo is also definitely sporting a chub right now, which he would be more embarrassed about if he wasn’t still half asleep, and if he couldn’t feel a hint of Hux’s morning wood pressing into his hip. It’s still kind of awkward, though. It’s natural, but still kind of weird. Hux is objectively attractive, sure, but he’s also Kylo’s only friend. And feeling his friends hard dick at ass o’clock in the morning is really… something. Kylo isn’t sure if he wants to dwell on it. Or on the fact that waking up embraced by Hux feels kind of nice. 

Now that he’s thinking about it, he realizes that he actually doesn’t have a clue how early or late it is. Light is already filtering through the blinds, but he can’t tell how long they slept.

His phone is right beside him, on the bedside table. The only problem is that he has to move to reach it. 

He tries to disentangle himself from Hux as carefully as possible, but they’re so close that he can’t move without disturbing Hux. Hux stirs, whines and shuffles closer to Kylo, as if he hasn’t quite registered yet who he’s cuddling up to. 

“Good morning,” Kylo whispers. 

Hux blinks, disorientedly, and lifts his head only slightly to look at Kylo’s face. There’s a confused furrow between his brows. 

“Hm? G’mornin,” Hux mumbles, voice still rough from sleep. 

He falls back onto the bed and yawns, and that’s just… weird. Well, not exactly. But Hux seems so ruffled and soft, his hair sticking up in all directions, his eyes bleary and only half open, and Kylo is taken aback by the sight. 

A part of him doesn’t want to move away from Hux’s embrace, because it’s comfortable and warm, but then Hux yawns again and stretches, pulling away from Kylo in the process. Just as good. 

Kylo turns over and unlocks his phone, shields his eyes from the glare of the screen and squints at the time. When the numbers stop being blurry, he lets out a disbelieving snort. 

“What’s up?” Hus asks. It sounds kind of slurred, his accent softened and sleepy. 

“It’s almost one. We slept through half the day,” he says.

It’s not unusual for Kylo to sleep in, but he hadn’t even realized he’d been this tired. Maybe the drive yesterday, and then dealing with his parents’ relentless questions, had been more exhausting than he’d thought. 

Hux groans next to him, and Kylo turns to see him rubbing his hands over his face almost aggressively. When he pulls them away, his face is red, and his eyes still look tired. The sight makes Kylo snort, because it’s so different from the Hux he’s used to. But he also hasn’t seen Hux right after waking up before. 

“You can take the bathroom on this floor, if you want to,” Kylo offers. “I’ll go shower upstairs.” 

Hux nods, groans again and throws an arm over his face. Despite sleeping for so long, he looks like he could go right back to sleep. Kylo wouldn’t be totally against it, but he also doesn’t want to waste the entire day, so he makes himself peel back the blanket and climb out of bed. It takes much more effort than he’d thought. 

While he gathers is toiletries and clothes, he hears Hux shuffle around in the bed, and then his feet hit the hardwood floor. When he leaves the room, he hears Hux yawn again, long and drawn out, and smiles to himself. 

***

When Kylo comes back from the bathroom, hair still wet, but infinitely more awake, Hux isn’t there, but the blinds have been pulled open, and light streams into the room. 

It’s always disconcerting to be back in his childhood room. He feels at home here, of course, but there are also reminders of less than great moments in his life lurking in every corner, the remnants of the sad, angry child he used to be. He’s been trying to be better, in the last few years. It’s hard, still, though therapy has certainly helped him loads. And his childhood wasn’t entirely bad. There are good memories in this house, too, of course there are. And he’s still as much into art and history as he used to be, is going to university for it, in fact.

It just drags up a lot of feelings, being back at home. 

Having Hux in this house, in this room, is also strange. Kind of like letting him take a glimpse into Kylo’s brain, into the complicated and convoluted feelings and memories there. But so far, Hux hasn’t judged him for anything he’s seen. And as mean as Hux can be sometimes, Kylo doesn’t think he’s going to. 

The door opens behind him, and Kylo turns to see Hux entering the room, hair unstyled and soft, face red, and- 

Kylo stops short, taken aback by the sight in front of him. 

Hux is wearing an oversized NASA sweater, fuzzy socks, and tight black yoga pants. Kylo has never seen him so dresses down before, and seeing Hux like this is somehow both surprising and not surprising at all.  _ Of course _ Hux owns a NASA sweater. Of course he wears yoga pants and fuzzy socks. It seems so weirdly in-character for Hux that Kylo feels a little bit stupid for not having expected it. 

“What are you looking at?” Hux snaps at him. 

Kylo shakes his head, pulls himself together. 

“Nothing. Just… you.” 

Hux snorts and turns away from him to roam around in his suitcase, but Kylo is pretty sure there’s the hint of a blush creeping over Hux’s face. 

“Yes, well, you told me to pack comfortable clothes, so I packed comfortable clothes. Is this not what you had in mind?” 

“No, no, don’t worry. It’s exactly what I had in mind. Just… unusual, I guess.” 

Hux snorts again, doesn’t deign to respond to him, which is probably fair. Kylo knows he’s just rambling. And anyways, Hux’s clothes are completely appropriate. Kylo is in sweatpants and a sweater himself, which is what everyone wears around the house here. There’s no need to dress up all fancy if they’re just going to lounge around anyway. 

“You ready to face my family again?” Kylo asks, only half joking. 

Hux shrugs, stands up and straightens his shoulders. 

“Sure. Let’s go.” 

***

It turns out that Kylo’s parents aren’t even home. The house is empty when they get downstairs, a post-it note on the fridge informing them that Han and Leia are out grocery shopping. Neither Kylo nor Hux have the patience to prepare some elaborate meal, so Kylo rummages around the shelves for something simple. They eat cereal, leaning against the kitchen counter next to each other, in companionable silence. 

After, they sit down on the sofa in the living room. Kylo has no clue when his parents will return, but they might as well make the most of it and get comfortable. It’s nice to have the house to themselves, Kylo decides, because Hux seems much more relaxed than he did yesterday. He hadn’t expected Hux to be quite as nervous as he had been, and it’s good to see him return to his usual self. He doesn’t hold himself as stiffly and isn’t clenching his fists as much. It’s not like Kylo can blame him for being nervous; his parents can be exhausting, and pretending to be someone’s boyfriend is more taxing than he’d anticipated. He was constantly scared to slip up yesterday, is still kind of scared of that, to be honest. So it’s really no surprise that Hux is nervous too. But it is really relaxing to not have to worry for a few hours while they’re alone. 

He turns on the TV and lets Hux decide what to watch. Hux switches through the channels until they land on a documentary, something about space, and that’s just typical. 

Kylo still chuckles when Hux settles in, eyes glued to the screen and obviously interested in the topic at hand. 

“What?” Hux asks at the sound of Kylo’s laugh. He sounds irritated, his guard going up immediately. 

Kylo shakes his head. “It’s nothing. I knew you’d want to watch a documentary.” 

“They’re interesting!” Hux exclaims, defensively. 

“Most of the ones we’ve watched together were incredibly boring.” 

Hux huffs, crosses his arms in front of his chest, but with his whole comfy get-up, he looks more adorable than threatening. 

“Well, this one isn’t. If you’d rather watch something else, feel free to do so.” 

“No, no. Don’t worry. It’s alright.” 

Hux grumbles, but relaxes again, leans back against the sofa and tucks his legs up. 

“Do you want tea? Or a blanket?” Kylo asks. He knows that Hux tends to run cold, and his parents did raise him to have at least some manners. Hux is still a guest in this house. 

He seems surprised by Kylo’s offer, but doesn’t think about it for long. 

“Yes, both would be great.” 

While Kylo goes in search of a blanket and prepares the tea, Hux stays sitting on the couch. 

He still can’t quite believe they’re really pulling this off. It seems almost unreal, that this should be as easy as it has been so far. But his parents really didn’t suspect anything was going on yesterday. He just hopes that he and Hux can keep this pretense up. But they should manage. They’ll definitely manage. 

When the tea has finished steeping, Kylo goes back into the living room and grabs a blanket. He hands both to Hux, then sits down next to him and scoots close to Hux, under the warmth of the blanket. Hux stiffens beside him slightly as Kylo’s leg bumps against his. 

“Sorry,” Kylo mumbles, and brings a little bit of distance between them. 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

Hux takes a sip of the tea and sighs, seemingly content with how it’s steeped, which is a bit of a relief. Kylo knows that Hux can be peculiar about his tea. For now, he keeps sipping it carefully, despite the fact that it’s still steaming, and pulls the blanket up to his shoulders, getting comfortable.    


Since there isn’t anything to do, nothing to worry about at the moment, and no facade to hold up, Kylo allows himself to relax too. He leans into the sofa, makes himself comfortable, and lets his mind wander while he watches planets spin around each other on the TV screen. 

***

The front door opens with a  _ bang _ , and seconds later, Han shouts into the house. 

“We’re back, put your clothes back on!” 

Kylo groans and sits up, tries to ignore the blush spreading on his face. Han’s humour is inappropriate at the best of times, but with Hux here, it’s downright embarrassing. Even if Hux was his real boyfriend, Kylo would know better than to get it on in the living room, where his parents could walk in at any minute. 

They’ve just been sitting here, watching documentaries for the past three hours, without talking all that much. Kylo feels a little rusty, because he hasn’t moved in ages, and he stretches his arms above his head with a groan. Then, a thought strikes him. 

He puts his arm around Hux’s shoulder, and gently pulls him closer. 

Hux looks at him with wide eyes, probably confused by the sudden affection, and Kylo lifts a brow questioningly. After a second, Hux relaxes into the embrace, and leans against Kylo. They look perfectly couple-y like this, and when Han enters the living room and takes a long look at him, he smiles. 

“Good afternoon. Sleep well?” he asks. 

He’s carrying two bags filled to the brim with groceries and looking kind of exhausted as he walks into the kitchen. Kylo figures he’d be exhausted too if he’d been grocery shopping for over three hours. 

“Yes, we did, thank you,” Hux answers. 

He sounds almost carefully polite, the same way he did yesterday when Kylo’s parents were around. Kylo isn’t quite sure what to make of it, because Hux has always been dead-pan and honest and kind of cold to other people he meets, at least in Kylo’s presence. Hell, he’d been like that the first few times they’d talked. But maybe he’s just trying to make a good impression, for Kylo’s sake. 

He really has to thank Hux again for doing this, maybe invite him to dinner some time when they’re back home again. 

Han rummages around in the kitchen, then walks back into the living room. 

“Buying stuff to eat for the whole family is one hell of a job, let me tell you,” he grumbles, then leaves them alone. 

When he returns again, he’s carrying more bags, and so is Leia, who walks in behind him. She greets them with a smile, and Kylo smiles back hesitantly. He feels like this peace and quiet, the whole happy family act they’re putting on, is supremely fragile, and if he missteps even slightly, it’ll break. Though things have been getting better, they’re still not entirely  _ good _ . All of them have been trying to… just kind of ignore the bad stuff and move forward, but Kylo isn’t sure how well that’s going to work. He doesn’t want Hux to see all the cracks in the surface, all the messy stuff they’re trying to keep hidden. 

“Do you need help putting this away?” Hux asks. 

“Oh, honey, that’d be great,” Leia exclaims. 

Hux disentangles himself from Kylo and walks towards the kitchen. Kylo looks after him, and Hux’s long legs, clad in these tight pants, catch his eyes for a moment, he can’t help it. Then Hux enters the kitchen, walks out of Kylo’s view, and he’s left sitting on the couch vaguely confused, before he stands up and walks into the kitchen too. 

***

Apparently it only takes a little bit of science talk to make Hux more comfortable. 

After they put the groceries away, they all settled back in the living room, and when Han saw the documentary still playing on the TV, he struck up a conversation with Hux about the mechanics behind spacecraft. It’s obvious that Hux is much more knowledgeable about the topic than Han is, but it’s still good to see Hux talking more freely than he did yesterday, even gesticulating a bit from time to time. 

Though Hux seems to get along with Hand and Leia just fine, Kylo still notices the residue stiffness in his body. He has his arm around Hux’s shoulders again, because he figures couples do that, and his mom smiled at him when she saw him doing it, so it must have been the right move. Being so close to Hux, he can feel the tension in shoulders. And he’s not sure he understands it completely, why Hux is so much more reserved around his parents than he is around his peers, but he’s also not sure he wants to ask. It seems to run deeper than just doing Kylo a favour, but maybe that’s just none of his business. 

It doesn’t matter anyway. His parents seem perfectly happy with Hux, they treat him like they want him to feel welcome, and both of them have thrown Kylo appreciative nods when Hux wasn’t looking. This is honestly going so much better than he would have thought. Apparently he only needs to bring home a boyfriend to mend his familial relationships, for his parents to approve of him and not look at him with pity or disappointment. 

Kylo zones out when the things Hux says become too theoretical, and he can’t understand what Hux is talking about anymore. Instead, he just looks at Hux’s profile. 

He’s never really been this close to Hux. They don’t touch a lot, usually, because Hux isn’t really an affectionate person, as far as he knows. But it’s kind of nice. He already feels closer to Hux than before, somehow, and it’s a good feeling. Hopefully it won’t stop when they go back to university and stop pretending to date. 

“Kylo?” 

It takes him a moment to register that Hux has turned, is looking at him now, and talking. 

“Hm? What?” 

Hux rolls his eyes, like he always does when Kylo doesn’t listen to him. 

“I asked you a question. Honestly, do you ever listen?” 

Kylo blushes, looks away. “Sorry.” 

Han laughs at that. 

“Red’s got you wrapped around his finger, huh?” he asks, teasingly, and Kylo blushes even more. 

Hux blushes too, but Leia chuckles and smiles, and somehow being around them is surprisingly easy right now. 

***

There’s a deafening bang on the door, followed by someone ringing the bell. 

All of them jump, and Kylo frowns. As far as he knows, Luke’s only arriving on Monday, with the rest of the guests coming over on Tuesday. He has no clue who could be so obnoxious on a Saturday evening. 

Leia and Han excused themselves into the kitchen a while ago, waving Hux and Kylo off when they offered to help prepare dinner. They’ve been on the sofa the entire day, watching movie after movie and doing nothing else. When the documentaries stopped interesting Hux, they turned on some random action movie, and Hux started doing what he does best: completely dragging it. It’s been fun, honestly, and very chill. Almost like a very long pizza night. 

Kylo starts to disentangle himself from the blanket that’s wrapped around him to go open the door, but Han is faster, and Kylo settles back down. When he hears voices coming from the hallway, his heart skips a beat, though. Hux, who had been reclining on the sofa, sits up ramrod straight and stares at him with wide, questioning eyes. Kylo stares back just as shocked. 

The voices get louder, laughter echoing through the house. 

He can hear Han say: “Don’t scare his boyfriend off, I think he’s a bit shy.” 

Someone shouts: “He has a boyfriend? How did I not know that? Ben!” 

And then they enter the living room, one after another: First Rey, then Poe, then Finn. 

They’re dragging various bags behind them, are all grinning, their faces red from the cold, presumably, because it started snowing earlier, and it’s freezing. The smiles drop from their faces as soon as they take in the living room, as soon as they register who Kylo’s boyfriend is. Then, they just stare in shock. 

Kylo feels his heart stop, then pick back up in double speed. Fuck. Oh shit. Fucking fuck. This is terrible. This is absolutely terrible, and he could kick himself for not thinking about it, he could absolutely drop-kick himself into next month, because this might ruin everything, and he can’t believe he made such a grave error, can’t believe he didn’t think of this, can’t believe that it’s been going so great and now it’s all going to fall apart- 

“You two are  _ dating _ ?” Rey shouts, incredulously. 

“Uh. Yes?” It sounds like a question, and Kylo hates it, hates that he sounds so unsure, he has to sound sure, has to sell this, has to make them believe. 

“No fucking way.” 

He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Finn swear before, but there’s a first time for everything, he supposes. 

“Yes way. Why are you so surprised?” he asks, defensively. 

He’s sweating, but he hopes they won’t notice. Hux definitely notices, with how close they still are.

“Since when? This must be a pretty new development, right?” Poe asks. He looks just as shocked as the other two, and honestly Kylo can’t blame him. 

“No, uh. Actually…” His voice comes out croaking, weak, and he clears his throat, tries again. “Actually, we’ve been dating for, uh, around six months.” 

It doesn’t seem possible for their mouths to open further, for their eyes to get wider, but that’s what happens. They take a moment to process this new information, presumably try to think back, think of any clues or hints they could have missed, probably coming up empty, because there were no hints, because they aren’t dating. 

Han watches this display with utter confusion. 

“You know him?” he asks, chipper and apparently completely unable to read the room, because it’s like he doesn’t notice the sudden tension at all. 

“Yes. Actually. We’ve met a few times,” Finn explains haltingly. He sounds like he’s deep in thought, and also very, very sceptical. 

“I call bullshit.” 

The others turn to look at Rey, and Kylo feels like his blood freezes in his veins. She’s staring at him intently. 

“What bullshit are you calling?” Han asks. 

She gestures between Kylo and Hux, and Kylo feels Hux grip his hand so tightly it almost hurts. He doesn’t say anything. 

“This! There’s no way they’re dating! You hate each other. And you never told me about it? In six whole months? Bullshit.” 

Kylo bristles at her words, feels anger rising to chase away the fear of being found out. 

“Hey, fuck you. It’s none of your business who I date. Maybe I wanted to keep it to myself, and that’s why I didn’t tell you, did that cross your mind? I can’t believe you’re accusing me of faking this! I love him!” he asks, voice rising, challenging. 

Next to him, Hux stiffens. The grip on his hand becomes briefly tighter, then relaxes again. He hears Hux let out a shaky breath, but doesn’t dare look away from Rey yet.

She glares at him, and there’s a part of his brain shouting at him, because Rey has been here for less than five minutes, and they’re already arguing, and he should have seen this coming, but he didn’t, because in all his calculation about how to convince his family, he never stopped to think about the fact that these three are family too, and that they know Hux and will never believe he and Kylo are dating. But he can’t let any of his panic show on his face, so he glares right back, dares Rey to say more. 

“Hey, kids, why don’t we all calm down. You can all go unpack, and then we’ll eat dinner, and then we can… continue this conversation,” Han says, trying to sound reassuring. 

Poe, ever the optimist, seems to get a grip on himself, then, because he claps loudly enough to make everyone in the room flinch. 

“Sounds like a great idea. I’m starving. What about you?” 

He doesn’t wait for a response, instead tries to steer Rey and Finn out of the living room and towards the stairs. Finn goes willingly, but Rey throws him one last dark look before she leaves. 

When they’re gone from the room, Kylo heaves a sigh. Han frowns at him. 

“You wanna tell me what that was all about?” he asks. 

“No, not really.” 

Han, bless him, shrugs. “Fine by me.” Then he turns and walks back into the kitchen. He’s always left Kylo alone if he didn’t want to talk, and he does the same now, and Kylo is briefly thankful for that. 

Then, he finally chances a look at Hux. 

His face is bright red, lips a tight line, and his eyes… are legitimately murderous. He tightens his grip on Kylo’s hand even more than before, and Kylo yelps. As Hux’s glare turns to him, he almost flinches back, because this looks like a Hux he does not want to mess with. 

“Ren. We should talk,” he grits out, then stands up, back straight, and pulls Kylo with him. 

He doesn’t say anything and doesn’t try to pull away. Hux just called him  _ Ren _ . After he agreed to use his first name from now on. That can’t mean anything good. 

Instead of going upstairs or into the kitchen or dining room, Hux pulls him down the other hallway, towards the ground floor bathroom and the laundry and storage rooms. At the end of the hallway, he opens a door and shoves Kylo inside. He switches on the light and closes the door behind them. It’s cramped inside, the shelves filled with canned food and miscellaneous cleaning utensils and tools, digging into Kylo’s back. They’re almost chest to chest, so he can see the anger in Hux’s eyes all detailed and up close. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me they’d be coming too!” Hux hisses. 

It seems like he’s trying really hard not to shout, so nobody will overhear them, and Kylo swallows. Hux doesn’t give him a chance to say anything, starts ranting instead. 

“How do you expect to keep this charade up if they’re here, Ren? They know me! They know us! I used to have classes with Finn, for fuck’s sake, and I’ve spend enough time with Rey, and you know that I used to work with Poe, you know that, so why did you not mention this? They’ll never believe we’re dating! They’ll tell everyone in your family, and that’s the end of this, fuck, I can’t believe you were stupid enough to bring me here when- hey!” 

Annoyance, still left over from his conversation with Rey, bubbles up in Kylo, and he interrupts Hux, grips both his shoulders hard enough to make Hux shut up. He looks at him incredulously, almost offended, but Kylo doesn’t give him the chance to go on another tirade. 

“Fuck, Hux, alright, stop. Listen. I forgot. Okay? I simply forgot. I forgot that they’d be here too, which was stupid of me. Yes. But we can’t change that now. We have to move forward. It’s not ideal, but we can do this. We have to do this!” 

Hux looks at him sceptically, but Kylo can see the anger bleeding out of him, leaving behind what looks a lot like desperation, but it can’t possibly be that, because Hux is never desperate. 

“They hate me, Kylo. For good reason, I’ve never been particularly nice to them. And they’ll tell your parents that I’m a terrible person, and then your parents will disapprove. Or they’ll just tell them we’re faking right away. How are we supposed to carry on now?” 

It’s not at all like Hux to sound so lost. Kylo is briefly taken aback by it, by this display of what could almost be vulnerability. But then again, maybe it’s just natural to panic in a situation like this. He’s pretty close to panic too, and there are honestly just too many emotions altogether boiling right under the surface. He needs to get a grip. 

“Alright. It’s going to be alright. Maybe a bit complicated, but we can do this,” he says, affecting a calm he doesn’t at all feel. 

“We just… have to be more convincing somehow. We have to be so obnoxiously lovey-dovey that there will be absolutely no doubt that we’re legit. I won’t let them ruin this.” 

The last part isn’t directed at Hux, more at himself, but Hux still laughs and takes a deep breath, returning back to normal. 

“Okay.Okay. Great. We can do this. Obnoxiously lovey-dovey. Right,” he mumbles to himself. 

Kylo nods. This should be easy. It’s no big deal, just… a small obstacle, maybe. But he’s a good actor, and Hux is, too. They can do this. Kylo won’t be humiliated in front of everyone. It’ll work out just fine. 

Hux nods again, then looks at Kylo with big eyes, and then he starts giggling. The giggle transforms into a laugh, something almost manic about it, and his face his red, his eyes shining. The whole display is so shocking, so absolutely out of character, that Kylo can’t help but snort inelegantly, and Hux doesn’t even chastise him for it, so far gone is he. 

They stay like this, laughing hysterically in the storage room, clutching at each other to stay upright, for a while that seems longer than it probably is, until they’re breathless. 

Hux wheezes, tries to stop laughing, but a few giggles still escape him. He wipes his eyes, then drags his hand back through his hair, messing it up beyond saving in a way that is weirdly distracting. 

“What a mess,” he breathes, shakes his head. 

Kylo snorts again, and this time, Hux does throw him a look, but it lacks sharpness. 

“Yes, what a mess indeed,” he agrees. 

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.” 

Hux sounds almost disbelieving. 

“Hey, don’t blame me.” Kylo holds his hands up defensively. “You chose to agree to this.” 

Hux sighs, a deep, heaving thing, and looks at Kylo thoughtfully. His eyes are very huge, very bright, and very green. With how close they are, Kylo can see his lashes, light and almost translucent, and the faint smattering of freckles on his nose. 

“I did, didn’t I,” Hux mumbles, voice soft, barely there. 

There’s a lump in Kylo’s throat suddenly, and he can only nod. Hux doesn’t look away from him, keeps his eyes fixed on Kylo, and it feels like Hux is staring right into him, into his soul, and pulling apart everything he finds there. Kylo wonders if the things Hux discovers are good or bad. 

He’s scared to move, scared to break the weird spell that has suddenly settled over them. It’s very warm in this storage closet. Hux is very close. Kylo can feel his chest rising and falling, and Hux’s breath ghosts over his face. 

“We should probably go. Dinner should almost be ready, and they’ll wonder where we are,” Hux says, and his voice is soft, still, but also sure. 

Kylo clears his throat. His heart is beating irrationally fast, suddenly, but he can’t imagine why. The spell is broken. The storage closet is just a storage closet, and Hux is just Hux. Nothing especially captivating about his eyes, or the rest of his face. 

“Yes. Right. We should,” he agrees. 

Hux frowns, but only briefly, the expression leaving as fast as it came, and then he opens the door, steps into the hallway and turns the light off. Kylo follows just a step behind him. As they walk back to the main part of the house, his heart keeps beating erratically though, and his face burns. 

***

Dinner is kind of terrible. It’s not actually as bad as he imagined it would be, but it isn’t great either. Rey and Finn and Poe are talkative, as always, and they fill the silence with chipper retellings of everything that’s been going on recently. Han and Leia ask questions, keep the conversation going, ask about university and jobs and friends. But despite everyone’s best efforts to remain positive, the tension underneath is almost tangible, and more than a little uncomfortable.

Kylo and Hux keep quiet for the most part, but they sit close together, and Hux keeps putting his hand onto Kylo’s thigh, and Kylo keeps stroking Hux’s arm. Apart from the whole act, it’s also kind of nice, having Hux here as support. He’s almost certain that nobody will start any real drama with Hux here. They wouldn’t want to scare away his  _ boyfriend _ . Hux functions as a barrier of sorts. And if he just keeps Hux near him at all times, he has the hope that nothing truly bad will happen. 

Later in the evening, when they’re all getting ready for bed, Rey stops him on his way to the bathroom. Nobody else is in the hallway; nobody can save him from this conversation. 

“Look,” Rey starts, and she looks kind of pained. “I’m sorry I accused you of faking this. It’s just… kind of hard to believe. You understand that, right?”

He does, is the thing. It really is improbable that he could keep a boyfriend secret for this long, and he knows how unlikely it is that he’s dating Hux, of all people. Especially considering that he tells Rey a lot about Hux. She’s always been able to see right through him, always knew when he was lying, and they spent their whole childhood shouting at each other because of that. Because he could never bear the way Rey was just so much more honest than him, and how she always tried her best to be there for him, even when he pushed her away. Things are still tense, sometimes, still complicated, and really with all the shit he’s pulled in the past, he can’t really blame her for her accusation. Still. He can’t risk her finding out the truth. 

“It’s… alright, I guess,” he says. Tries to make his face unreadable, his voice steady. “I’d just appreciate it if you would...accept him. As my boyfriend. He’s very important to me.” 

Rey grimaces briefly, but Kylo decides to ignore it. He knows she doesn’t like Hux. It’s just because she doesn’t really know him. Or maybe she’s just not the kind of person who can appreciate Hux for who he is. 

“Alright,” she says.

For a moment, he thinks she’s going to say more, but then she leans forward and hugs him. It throws him off, briefly, but then he puts his arms around her too, and squeezes. Because as difficult as she can be sometimes, she’s still his cousin, and he does love her, although grudgingly. 

“I am happy for you, though. You deserve to have someone special in your life. And if he makes you happy… I may not understand what you see in him, but I want you to have this.” 

His throat locks up at her words. He tries to swallow, tries not to croak. 

“Thank you. That means a lot. And he does make me happy. Very much so.” 

That’s not even a complete lie. Hux does make him happy. Just not in the way Rey thinks. The half-truths keep coming to him so easily. He feels bad about it, but probably not as bad as he should. The important thing is that she doesn’t find out the truth. 

He slips into the bedroom after, the only light in the room the one on the bedside table on his side of the bad. Hux is already curled up under the blankets, but he’s typing something on his phone, not yet asleep. 

“What’re you doing?” Kylo asks, tries to affect normalcy. 

Hux turns to look at him, his hair hanging over his forehead. 

“Texting Phasma.” He doesn’t elaborate further. 

Kylo doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t want to, in all honesty. He feels weird. His heart hasn’t stopped racing in his chest, and he feels hot, and like his chest is constricting. It’s not a nice feeling. Hopefully it’ll go away when he sleeps. 

He gets into bed and turns his back to Hux, turns the light off. Hux is still on his phone, and Kylo can hear the soft  _ tap-tap-tap _ of his fingers on the screen. 

His thoughts are a mess. He can’t completely pinpoint why, but he doesn’t like it. Kylo curls into himself, but his muscles are tense, and when he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, he can’t quite relax. 

When he turns towards Hux, he can only barely make out his features in the dim light of the phone screen. Hux raises his eyebrows at him as he shuffles slightly closer, but doesn’t say anything. Kylo doesn’t either. 

He closes his eyes again. Like this, he’s close enough to Hux to feel his warmth. His presence is calming, somehow, and Kylo can’t explain that, either. The only thing that matters is that it’s working. 

He drifts off to the sound of Hux’s fingers tapping the phone. When he’s almost asleep, his thoughts already muddled, barely even awake anymore, he feels something on the top of his head, a touch, maybe, featherlight and soft. Fingers, perhaps, stroking his head, his hair. But he’s sleeping before he can even think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter warnings:** There are some brief references to Kylo having mental health / anger issues during his teenage years, and having done some unspecified shitty things in the past, but there are no further details, things are better now and Kylo's in therapy, so it's all good. 
> 
> Here's a new chapter to celebrate the end of the semester, haha.  
> And there are some exciting things happening! Now there are even more people to convince! We'll see how that goes for Kylo and Hux.  
> Next chapter in two weeks, and I'm already really excited for that one. 
> 
> If you want to chat, feel free to come and say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings can be found in the end notes!

Steam wafts through the bathroom, and Hux sighs and lets his head fall back. The hot water of the shower runs over his body, makes the tense muscles in his neck and back relax. It’s almost boiling, feels like it could maybe burn his skin off, but he likes his showers that way. He closes his eyes, concentrates on the warmth. Draws his fingertips up the underside of his cock. A shiver runs through his body at the gentle touch, and he bites his lip to keep in the moan that's lodged at the back of his throat. 

Perhaps it's not the best idea to masturbate in someone else's house, especially when so many people could overhear him or barge in at any minute. (He triple checked that he locked the door, yet he's still paranoid, jumps slightly at every sound.) But he's not going to survive if he can't get this out of his system. 

This morning, he woke up with his back pressed against Kylo's chest. Kylo's arms were tucked around him, and one of his huge hands rested on Hux's lower belly, dangerously close to his crotch. He could feel Kylo's morning wood poking his ass, and it had taken him considerable restraint to not grind back against it, wake Kylo up like that, and then push this unfairly wonderful hand into his pajama pants to jerk him off. 

Hux knows how to control himself, though. So instead of rutting against Kylo and living out all his depraved fantasies, he took a few steadying breaths before he carefully disentangled himself from Kylo's embrace and fled to the bathroom, tense and flushing and rock hard.

So here he is now, trying to get rid of the problem. 

Though his erection has wilted a bit from the almost too hot water of the shower, it doesn't take long for him to get hard again. He teases himself with featherlight touches, gentle brushes of his fingertips along the length of his dick, until he feels like his entire body is tingling and coiled tight with anticipation. 

He listens carefully for a moment, but there are no voices or steps nearby. Good. 

Finally, Hux grips himself properly, gives his dick a few rough strokes that make sparks shoot through his body. He closes his eyes, tilts his head back under the spray of the shower, and lets his mind wander.

Kylo's hands are much bigger than his, and calloused at places, and Hux imagines they'd feel incredible wrapped around his cock. He bites back a moan at the thought of Kylo with him in the shower, naked and gloriously huge. 

His strokes are unhurried but effective, alternatingly loose and tight, and it's not long before his knees are shaking. He wonders how Kylo would do it, if he would know how Hux likes it right away or if he would be fumbling and awkward at first. It wouldn't matter, Hux would let him do anything just to feel his touch. 

His skin is red, oversensitive from the hot water, and Hux pinches his left nipple while he thumbs his tip with the other hand, presses down on the slit, then spreads the precome gathering there over his length to ease his movements. He's so warm, and every drop of water on his head, every touch of fingers on his skin, makes him shudder with hazy pleasure. His climax is sneaking up on him already, he can feel it tingling low in his spine, in the tips of his toes. 

He lets his hand wander down his torso, teasingly, nails leaving slight scratches on his red skin, then slips it between his legs and palms his balls, drawn up tightly towards his body. His knees are weak, shaky, and when he presses behind his balls, he has to choke back a moan at the pure bliss sparking through his body. 

He comes to the thought of Kylo, wet hair plastered to his head and looking at him with big puppy eyes, sinking to his knees in the shower and opening his mouth wide for Hux’s cock. Pleasure ripples through his body as he strokes himself through it. His eyes screw shut, and he has to slip one hand over his mouth to keep from making a sound. Thank god the shower running covers the whine that still slips through, and the sound of his frantic strokes. 

Hux lets himself bask in the bliss of orgasm only briefly, as aftershocks ripple through his body and he gives himself a few lazy tugs, last spurts of come dribbling out. He takes a deep breath, tries to center himself and slow the heavy beating of his heart. 

The hot shower stream continues beating down on him. He slumps back against the wall and watches while all evidence of his little escapade washes down the drain. When he's sure everything is cleaned up, that nobody will be able to guess what he did, he turn off the water and steps out of the shower. His legs are barely hold him upright as he wraps one of the huge, fluffy towels around his body. Shame is already starting to chase away the remnants of pleasure. He can't believe he just jerked off at Kylo's house, while thinking about Kylo. 

He angrily scrubs at his reddened skin, flushing even more as the regret sets in. But the deed is done now, he can’t go back and change it, and, fuck, it felt good. If he hadn’t done it, he’s sure he would go insane with frustration in the days still left. 

For some reason, he’s glad the mirror is clouded over from the steam. Perhaps because he doesn’t have to see his face like that, undoubtedly beet-red, both from the boiling hot shower and the jerking off. There’s nothing he can do about that, though, except be embarrassed, which only leads to more redness. 

Hux groans, drags the towel through his hair and starts getting dressed. 

Yesterday, wearing yoga pants and a sweater had seemed alright. Sure, it’s different from what he’s used to wearing when he’s around people, but over the course of the day, he’d almost managed to relax into it. Now, he can’t imagine relaxing even slightly. 

He doesn’t want Kylo’s cousin and her friends to see him like this, all casual and dressed-down. This isn’t how he wants to be  _ seen _ , especially not by people who he’ll maybe run into when school starts up again, people who might spread stuff around, and then nobody will take him seriously ever again. He has an  _ image _ to uphold. He doesn’t know what to  _ do  _ now, except spend the next few days feeling vulnerable and weird in front of these people he barely even knows. 

The relaxation the shower brought on is almost entirely gone by the time Hux has gathered his things and opens the door. He steps outside into the hallway, and almost collides with Poe Dameron. Fuck. 

“Oh, hey, sorry ‘bout that,” Poe says, smiling, though the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

The thing about Poe is that Hux can never quite tell whether he’s laughing  _ with _ him or  _ at _ him, and it infuriates Hux to no end. He hates being made fun of, even more when he doesn’t realize it. And Poe always seems to be making fun of him a little bit, even when he’s acting all nice. Hux doesn’t trust his charming smile and handsome face. 

“You sure take your time, huh, buddy?” 

Dameron chuckles, and Hux feels a blush burning across his cheeks, splotchy and terrible looking, probably. 

“Fuck off, Dameron,” he grumbles. 

Poe isn’t swayed by this. He never is. 

“You know, with how long you took, I almost thought dear Benny was in there with you, to keep you company,” he jokes. 

Hux bristles at the comment, repeats, this time with feeling: “Fuck  _ off,  _ Dameron.” 

He holds up his hands apologetically, inches past Hux towards the bathroom that’s surely still sweltering hot. 

“Jeez, sorry, buddy. Didn’t mean to offend you.” 

Hux doesn’t respond, just gathers his toiletries close and walks towards Kylo’s room, leaving Poe behind. 

His face is burning. He can’t stop replaying the fantasy of Kylo on his knees, desperate to get his mouth on Hux’s cock, thick fingers slipping behind and farther back, breaching him slowly… No. Enough. He needs to get a grip. 

He deposits his things in Kylo’s room, which is already empty, then heads downstairs to look for Kylo and something to eat. The others will be there too, of course, but with Kylo nearby, it’s somehow not that bad. At least Hux tells himself that. 

When he enters the dining room, where Kylo is helping Han set the table in tense silence, Hux still isn’t sure how to go forward. He can’t be nice to Kylo’s parents, then turn around and be his usual asshole-ish self with the illustrious trio, but he also can’t be  _ nice _ to them like he is to Kylo’s parents, because that’s not  _ him,  _ and they’ll know he’s putting on an act immediately, because they know him, and they’ll tell Kylo’s parents how shitty of a person Hux is, entirely unfit to date Kylo, and then they’ll start having doubts about the relationship, and then- 

“Hey, babe, is everything all right?”

Kylo’s soft voice makes a shiver run down Hux’s spine, and he realizes he has just been standing there, in the middle of the room, staring into nothingness. He hasn’t even noticed Kylo walking over. But what he does notice is Kylo’s hand, big and warm and comforting, at the small of his back, rubbing the smallest circles. Kylo is standing very close, his chest wide and inviting, and because they’re supposed to be dating, Hux allows himself to lean into the touch, and into Kylo’s arms, for just a moment. 

“Yes, I’m fine. I was just… thinking.” 

Kylo looks at him with his brows raised, and Hux sees that his concern is only half acted. He smiles, only briefly lifting the corners of his mouth, in what he hopes is a reassuring expression. It seems to placate Kylo, thankfully, and he doesn’t ask any questions that could persuade Hux to disclose the details of his ongoing meltdown. 

Instead, Kylo guides him over to the table, hand still resting on Hux’s back, and Hux doesn’t even think about following him, he just lets himself be led. 

***

Breakfast is an awkward affair, and Hux has never been more glad for a meal to be over in his entire life. He feels like he’s walking on eggshells, has to be extremely careful not to misstep, but he doesn’t know how to do that. He’d panicked yesterday evening, texting Phasma about his worries, losing his composure for a bit there. She only told him to get his shit together, and he tries to think of her words now, tries to imagine her next to him and telling him that he’s acting like an idiot, to get a fucking grip. It’s only helping a little bit. 

He helps load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, because he can’t not do that, even though no one asked him to help. Leia hovers nearby, but Hux doesn’t know what to say to her, or if he should start a conversation at all. He kind of just wants to go back to bed, or better yet, go home, but he promised Kylo to help, and he’d probably feel even more terrible if he left now. Her presence is making him weirdly tense, and he notices there’s only the two of them left in the kitchen. He swallows, tries not to get too stiff, or too nervous. 

He knows, logically, that not every parent, not every authority figure, not every adult older than him, is like Brendol. But there’s still a part of him that’s scared, every time, that he’s going to fuck up and someone’s going to scream at him, smack the back of his head and call him useless. It’s ingrained in him, an instinct, almost, to cower in front of these people, to be as respectful and polite as possible and not draw any attention to avoid their wrath, and it’s hard to shake off, no matter how hard he tries. 

Nothing like this is going to happen, he  _ knows _ that, knows that these people aren’t Brendol, and they’ve been nothing but nice and welcoming so far, but there’s still that residue fear. He’s trying to ignore it, to shake it off, because it’s fucking idiotic, to be so nervous, but it’s not working as well as he would like it to, and he can’t shake the nerves off. 

“Han’s going to put up some more lights with the others outside. I was planning to do some baking, and thought maybe you’d like to help?” 

He’s so deep in thought that Leia’s voice makes him flinch, and it takes him a few seconds to register her words. Her face seems sincere, open, and there’s a soft smile on her lips. The laughter lines around her eyes are crinkling slightly, and he supposes she must be a person who smiles a lot, even though there’s also a tiredness in her eyes, something hardened. She still looks lighthearted right now, welcoming, in a way that is disarming. Though Hux can feel his hands start to sweat at the prospect of being alone with her, and the fear to fuck this up comes barreling full force, it doesn’t even occur to him to say no. 

“Yes, I’d like that,” he answers, voice not cracking, surprisingly. 

It’s not even a complete lie. 

Her smile widens, and she pats his arm, then passes by to start rummaging around in the cupboards. 

“Great. I’d really like to talk to you some more. Ben hasn’t told us a lot about you, and I’d love to get to know you some more. Could you help me grab that tin from the top shelf, honey?” 

He nods, goes on his tiptoes to grab the tin Leia is pointing at, which is filled with various cookie decorations and a crumpled recipe or two. 

“We… didn’t really tell anyone about our relationship,” he explains as he passes the tin, and Leia nods. “We didn’t want everyone on campus to know, and then decided it would be better to not tell anyone.” 

Leia hums. “Why didn’t you want people to know?”

“Well,” Hux starts, clears his throat. This conversation is taking him into territory that he and Kylo didn’t talk about. They’d agreed their “relationship” should be kept secret, but they never thought of a  _ reason _ . 

“I’m a very private person,” he says at last, deciding to stick as close to the truth as possible. “I don’t like it when others know a lot about my personal life, and a relationship is very personal. Also, there’s something nice about it just being the two of us. So I guess that’s why we didn’t tell people. There was no reason to.” 

He flushes, hoping he didn’t say anything wrong. Leia regards him steadily, and his skin starts prickling. It feels almost like she’s looking into him, reading his thoughts and, much worse, reading the truth right from his brain. But then she nods, and smiles again, approvingly, and he lets out a breath, shoulders slumping. 

“I suppose I understand that,” she says, then goes back to rummaging around.

She keeps collecting ingredients from around the kitchen, and Hux stands by as he watches her, helping her get the occasional thing from a higher shelf when she can’t reach it. Then she instructs him to clean the countertop, and gets two huge bowls. She hands him one of the recipes. 

“You can mix this dough, I’ll do the other one, how about that?” 

“Yes, that sounds good.” 

She nods again, and they get to work. 

As Hux reads over the ingredients and starts gathering them together, a sense of calm settles over him. It’s almost immediate, the tension draining from his shoulders, his brain going quieter, breath coming easier. The steps come almost natural to him, the mixing and stirring and kneading of the dough.    


He’s always liked baking. He’s not the best at it, but he’s definitely passable, and he enjoys it, is able to relax into the routine even now, when things seem so tumultuous and confusing. But this, this is something he can do. 

Silence settles over the kitchen, except for the soft sound of the radio playing Christmas song after Christmas song, and the faint echo of shouts and laughter from outside. It’s… comfortable, almost. Companionable. Though Hux is far from being completely calm, he’s feeling better. 

When he sprinkles flour onto the countertop and puts the dough on top to roll it out, Leia chuckles. 

“You’re much better at this than I am,” she admits, but there’s no resentment in her voice, only humour, and maybe a little curiosity. 

Hux smiles at her, hesitantly, but she seems to notice anyway, and smiles back. 

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” he says. 

A look at her bowl reveals that it is, in fact, that bad. The recipe isn’t overly complicated, but the dough does definitely not look like it’s supposed to look. His eyes widen slightly, and he can’t hold back a chuckle. The moment it escapes, he stiffens, heart racing, and wishes he could take it back, because he shouldn’t laugh at Kylo’s mother, for fuck’s sake, this isn’t what he should do, and she’ll- 

She snorts. The sound surprises him even more than his own outburst. It doesn’t match the composed way she holds herself, the elegance that radiates from her, but it still seems to match  _ her _ . It also sounds exactly like Kylo’s snort, and that makes warmth spread in Hux’s chest. 

“Go on, laugh about my baking skills all you want,” she says, jokingly.    


“I’m sorry,” he starts, then chuckles again, “but this isn’t… great.” 

“Well, that’s awfully nice of you. I’d say it’s a goddamn disaster.” 

She smirks at him, a wicked glint in her eyes, then sighs and pushes the bowl away. 

“Baking isn’t my strong suit. Cooking isn’t, either, except a few dishes. I never quite learned to do any of it, I’m afraid.” 

She doesn’t sound overly put off by this, just like she’s making conversation. And of course she is, it’s what people do, trying to get along with their child’s partner. Maybe Hux should try to do the same, not look for ulterior motives everywhere. Maybe this is just what it seems like: A mother and her son’s boyfriend, talking. 

(Except it isn’t what it seems like at all. But he doesn't want to think about it.) 

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I can’t cook either. At all,” he admits. 

Kylo has mocked him for it, the handful of times he attempted to cook something and ended up with a disaster. Maybe he’s just not born to be a cook. Kylo is much better at it. 

“But you can bake, apparently,” Leia observes. 

A blush spreads over Hux’s cheek. “Yes. I-” 

There’s a lump in his throat suddenly, and he’s not sure he can talk. Isn't sure he  _ wants _ to talk, if he wants to let her know about his past, about his family. He didn’t lie: He  _ is _ a very private person, and he doesn’t usually talk about this. Has barely told Kylo, and they’re friends, have known each other for years. 

Leia looks at him, like she’s trying to figure out what’s going on inside his head. His face must look stupid, lips tight, turned down at the corners. 

“Yes, honey?” 

And he doesn’t want to talk about it, not really. But the smell of cookie dough hangs in the air, and there’s something about her voice. 

“My mother taught me, when I was a child.” His voice cracks, embarrassingly, but he keeps talking nonetheless. “She, uh, she worked in a bakery. Everything she made was amazing. I’m not nearly as good as her, but she was a good teacher.” 

Hux doesn’t add that he’s kept baking up to honour her memory, or that he had a breakdown that one time he couldn’t remember the recipe of her favourite cake, that nothing makes him feel close to her like this, dough sticking to his fingers and the taste of sugar in his mouth. 

“Oh, that sounds lovely.” 

He nods. Doesn’t dare to look at Leia, lest she see the unshed tears clinging to his lashes. Tries to blink them away. 

“Yes, it was. It’s my favourite memory of her.” 

Leia seems to understand, then, or at least he thinks she does, because he hears a sharp intake of breath, and then feels her hand on his arm, gentle, comforting. 

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry,” she says. “I bet your mother would be happy to hear that.” 

She sounds sincere, and Hux nods. Usually, he wouldn’t allow this, any of it, wouldn’t want it, but he doesn’t shake her hand off. Stays like this instead, just breathing. 

He’s never known how to handle pity. It’s why he doesn’t tell people, about everything, his dead mother, his shitty father, and everything else that’s going on. But right now, telling Leia feels good. It feels freeing, somehow, and he didn’t expect that at all. Also like a barrier is being torn down, and that’s scary and refreshing at the same time. 

He doesn’t remember a lot of things about his mother, but he clings to the memories he has; her strong hands, that she smelled like bread and her laugh was loud and boisterous, but when she sang, it was soft, and everything she taught him, of course. 

But he imagines it would have felt similar, her comfort, a hand on his arm and a warm smile, though sad at the edges, too. Maybe not the same, but similar enough. It makes something in his chest clench, his eyes burn, but he swallows thickly, stops himself from crying. He couldn’t bear that. 

Leia seems to understand anyway, even though he doesn’t say a word, and keeps swallowing again and again to get himself under control. Her hand stays where it is, stroking up and down slowly, and she doesn’t say anything either, gives him space. 

It’s only minutes but feels like hours before he can speak again, whatever took ahold of him passed now. Hux takes a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t-” 

“Nonsense,” Leia interrupts him, and there’s the authority back in her voice. He can’t argue with her, even if he wanted to. (And he doesn’t.) “Don’t apologize, honey.” 

“Alright,” he says, voice a brittle, weak thing, and then: “Thank you.” 

She smiles at him again, takes her hand away. 

“It’s no problem.” 

Hux smiles back at her, watery, still. He hopes his face isn’t too red, too blotchy, but if it is, she’s polite enough not to mention it. He drags the sleeve of his sweater over his eyes for good measure, to get rid of the last evidence of his episode. He’s glad, suddenly, that he’s alone with Leia. That’s not something he ever would have thought he’d feel, but it’s true. In some strange way, he feels like he can trust her, even though he barely knows her, and he isn’t one to trust easily. But this, companionable baking and talking, isn’t as bad as he’d thought. He’s glad she was the one to witness this. It’s still embarrassing, and he definitely won’t tell Kylo about it, but he also feels better now, more comfortable in her presence. Maybe like she won’t eat him alive the second he says something that isn’t perfect. 

“Now, do you want to show me how to make something edible out of this mess?” 

The melancholy is starting to dissipate again, thank god, and Hux takes another look at Leia’s dough. It really is quite a mess, but not beyond salvaging yet. 

“Alright. Let’s do that,” he says, determined. 

He rolls his sleeves up, and when Leia laughs, he laughs too. 

***

Hux is taking another batch of cookies out of the oven when the front door opens with a bang, and a cacophony of voices floats over to the kitchen. He’s not sure whether they’re arguing or laughing or doing something else entirely, but they’re very loud. 

He and Leia have been baking for a few hours now, the rest of the family doing god knows what outside. Hux is very glad he hadn’t been recruited for that, because it started snowing again, and it must be freezing outside. The kitchen is very warm, and smells pleasantly like cookies; cinnamon and vanilla and chocolate and all other sorts of smells mingling together. His hair is falling into his face, and his sleeves are still rolled up, and apparently he didn’t wash his hands properly, because there’s cookie dough clinging to his pinkie. 

It seems like Leia wants to bake enough cookies to feed a small army. Maybe he should have realized it sooner, but he’s starting to suspect that this will be a much bigger Christmas party than he’d assumed. Everything in this house is decidedly oversized, so why shouldn’t the family itself be? Admittedly, he’s a bit scared, because he doesn’t know exactly how many people will be here, and he doesn’t know any of them, but spending the day with Leia has calmed him down considerably. 

While they did their baking, she kept making conversation, asking him questions about his studies and his work, about his cat, when he’d let it slip that he has one, and all other sorts of things one talks about. He asked a few questions in return, and it was pleasant, talking to her, getting to hear about her life and her work and her family. She promised to show him some of Kylo’s baby pictures later, and in all honesty, he’ll be glad to take her up on it. It’ll be funny, and he’s curious to see what Kylo looked like as a child, beyond the pictures in hallway. Also, he kind of wants to mock Kylo a little bit, just in good nature, because it feels like they’ve been overly nice to each other, and he enjoys getting a rise out of Kylo. 

There are steps and shouting, and then Rey, Poe, Finn, Kylo and Han pour into the kitchen, all red in the face und rubbing their hands together. 

“Fuck, I’m freezing,” Kylo grumbles, making a beeline for Hux. 

“Cookies, nice!” Rey’s eyes quite literally light up when she sees the cookies cooling on the counter. 

Poe is already making his way over to the baked goods, looking ready to snatch one up, when Leia smacks his hand away. 

“No, they’re not done yet. Go do something else, we’re busy,” she chastises him. 

He pouts, and Leia shoots a warning look to the others in the room, stern though not without humour. They slink away again, one by one, protesting loudly. Han manages to snatch a cookie and takes a bite with a wink. Leia rolls his eyes at him wordlessly, and then shoos him away. He leaves without another word. 

“You’ve been in here baking the whole time while I was freezing my ass off outside?” Kylo asks. 

He sounds extremely unhappy about it, but his eyes are glinting and fixed on the cookies. Hux throws him a warning look, lifts his brows and crosses his arms, and Kylo immediately shrinks down a bit. 

“Unfair,” he grumbles, pushing his lower lip out. 

Heat spreads in Hux’s chest. Kylo’s lips are unfairly pretty, enticing, especially when he starts pouting, and Hux can feel his knees go a bit weak as he stares at Kylo’s mouth, unable to look away. 

“You wouldn’t have been any help anyway,” he says, voice sounding surprisingly steady. 

Kylo laughs at that, shrugs. “Maybe you’re right.” Then he eyes the cookies again. “At least you bake better than you cook.” 

“Hey!” Hux shouts, indignantly, even though he knows it’s true. 

He hits Kylo’s arm for good measure , and Kylo snorts, which makes Hux chuckle, too. He usually chastises Kylo for stuff like this, just because he can, and because it’s easier to tell him he’s being stupid than to tell him how charming he is, but now he doesn’t bother. 

Kylo moves, then, lighting quick, to grab a cookie, while Hux is still distracted, and puts it in his mouth before Hux can even react. He grins mischievously, cheeks stuffed full, and he looks kind of ridiculous, but also kind of adorable. Hux can’t help but smile at him, exasperated. 

“You’re terrible, do you you know that?” he asks. 

Kylo shrugs and backs away, swallows. “I don’t think I am. I think I’m wonderful.” 

Hux snorts. “Well, you’re wrong” 

He takes a step towards Kylo, and Kylo grabs him by the hips, pulls them flush together, chest to chest. His breath leaves him, colour spreading on his cheeks. Kylo’s chest is wide and solid, he can feel it even through all these layers of fabric, and he radiates warmth, despite having spend the last few hours outside. 

“You still love me though.” 

Kylo’s voice is low, teasing. It sends a shiver down Hux’s spine. And something twists in his chest, because Kylo doesn’t know how right he is, how true his words are. This is all an act, and Kylo is an amazing actor, clearly, because this must be extremely convincing, and it makes Hux’s heart hurt, how much he wishes it was real. 

“Yes, I do,” he sighs, and it’s entirely too sincere. 

Kylo’s eyes widen slightly, and for a brief moment, Hux fears he knows. That his cover is blown, that Kylo can see it in his face, plain as day, how much he means his words. But then he grins again, a soft, affectionate thing, and Hux relaxes against him. Surely, he doesn’t know. Kylo is entirely too self-involved to notice something like this, something Hux has been trying so hard to hide. 

Suddenly, someone shouts in the living room, making Hux jump and glare over Kylo’s shoulder at Poe. He’s looking at them with a shit eating grin, and then the others start to holler and laugh too, all of them staring at him with varying degrees of wolfish expressions. 

“What?” Kylo asks, confused, and looks around at them, then at Hux, then at Leia, who has been silently watching them. 

She’s grinning, too, and something about that makes Hux uneasy. 

“Look up, honey,” she says. 

Hux does, and his heart stops. 

There’s mistletoe stuck to the ceiling, right in the door frame between the kitchen and the living room, and they are standing right below it. 

Fuck. 

When they talked about boundaries, and how far they were willing to go to keep up pretenses, they agreed that kissing would probably be unnecessary. And he’d thought it would probably be for the better if they wouldn’t kiss; not that he told Kylo, but Hux is very sure that once he starts kissing Kylo, he won’t be able to stop. Though there was of course a small part of him that hoped for it, he knew, logically, that kissing wouldn’t be necessary, and that it’s for the better like that. Now, though. Now, they have to. Couples kiss. It’d be weird if they wouldn’t do it. 

He lowers his gaze, looks at Kylo again, unsure of how to proceed. Just because he would absolutely love to kiss Kylo doesn’t mean that Kylo feels the same. 

Kylo’s brows are raised, only slightly, and his lips are quirked in a small smile. He’s looking at Hux questioningly, even though the expression is subtle, Hux knows what Kylo means. He looks sure of himself, is only waiting for Hux’s permission. Instead of nodding, because that would be too obvious, Hux smiles back, hopes that Kylo understands it as the invitation it is. 

Kylo’s smile turns softer, then, smaller, and he takes one hand from Hux’s waist and puts it on his face instead. It covers Hux’s cheek almost entirely, is rough and warm, and Kylo uses it to draw Hux in, gently, carefully, and the last thing Hux thinks about before they kiss is that he wishes nobody was watching them. 

When their lips touch, he feels like he’s burning. 

He’s imagined this moment too many times to count, has fantasized about it for months, but nothing could have prepared him for how it feels to actually kiss Kylo Ren. 

It’s wonderful. Absolutely, mind-numbingly wonderful. 

Kylo’s lips are as soft as they look, plush and warm and pressing against Hux’s tenderly. He sighs, closes his eyes, leans in. Opens his mouth fractionally, moves softly against Kylo. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest, and with how close they’re pressed together, he’s sure Kylo can feel it. But he doesn’t care. He only cares about the way Kylo’s hand slips around the back of his head, fingers running over the short hair there, and the way Kylo tilts his head, changes the angle to make it even better. 

It’s soft and slow and lazy, not at all like Hux imagined it’d be, but he never wants to stop again. He just wants to let himself believe that this is real, wants to sink into the pretense, into the heavenly fuzzy feeling spreading through his entire body. 

His hands are on Kylo’s chest, and he moves them up, grips Kylo’s shoulders to hold himself upright. His knees are shaky, and get even shakier when Kylo flicks his tongue out, just the tiniest hint of it, but it’s enough to make Hux almost lose his mind. If it wasn’t for Kylo holding him upright, he’s sure he would crumble to the floor right then and there. 

“Alright, alright, that’s enough, get a room, goddamn,” someone says. 

Hux isn’t sure who it is, the voice only barely registering through the haze in his brain, but he draws away from Kylo nonetheless, opens his eyes slowly. It’s a little like waking from a dream, maybe the best dream he’s ever had. Kylo is still so close Hux can feel his breath on his face. His eyes are shining and his cheeks are flushed, even though they didn’t kiss for long, and Hux thinks he falls a little more in love at the sight of Kylo ruffled like this. 

He can’t stop the smile spreading on his face. It’s entirely too sincere, and he’s sure everyone can see his feelings on his face, but he doesn’t care. He feels too good to care, his lips tingling slightly, his entire body warm and face flushed. He’s still holding onto Kylo, can’t quite bring himself to step away just yet, and fuck, he just wants to believe, just wants to savor this moment, because he’s probably not going to get anything like it again. 

“You two are disgustingly cute,” Rey observes, and Kylo turns his head towards her, sticks his tongue out, breaks the spell. 

Hux takes a step back, Kylo’s hands falling from his body, and takes a deep breath. Kylo steps away, towards Rey, and starts talking, but Hux doesn’t hear him. It’s almost laughable, Kylo acting like everything is normal, like he didn’t just shake up Hux’s entire world. Like he didn’t just make everything infinitely worse. 

Fuck. 

His chest feels tight, constricted, and he can’t parse through the feelings rummaging around in there at all. His thoughts have kicked into overdrive. They’re an absolute fucking mess.  _ He’s _ an absolute fucking mess. He’s smiling, still, because he’s inexplicably happy about what just happened, but he also aches all over, and isn’t that funny? How these two things can go together? 

His blood is rushing in his ears. He can still taste Kylo, half the cookie he ate and half something that must just be naturally Kylo, and it’s an intoxicating mixture, really. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop thinking about it anytime soon. He licks his lips for good measure, chasing after it, and immediately feels stupid for doing it. There are people here. They can  _ see _ him. 

“I’m going to step outside for a smoke, if that’s alright? I’ll be right back.” 

He directs this at Leia, and she nods, smiling. “Alright, dear. Can you grab some more flour from the pantry on the way back? That’d be great.” 

“Sure.” 

Hux leaves the kitchen with a weird twisting sensation in his stomach. There wasn’t even a trace of doubt on Leia’s face. Kylo must be a really good actor, and Hux must be able to hide everything that’s going on inside his head really well, if she really doesn’t suspect anything is wrong. That’s good. It is. He still feels, inexplicably, a little guilty. 

He grabs his coat and shoes and goes to smoke out on the front porch. It’s his first cigarette since they arrived, which is good, because he’s been trying to cut it back, but he needs it right now. 

At the first drag, he feels himself relax. The cold air stings his face, and a gust of winds blows around his legs, sinking it’s icy claws into him and chilling him to the bone. He shivers, but the cold clears his head, too. It’s pretty outside, the sun already mostly gone, and the snow on the lawn thick and white and glistening in the evening light. There are a lot more lights out here than there were this morning. Strung along the railing of the porch, the garage, the barren trees. They’re twinkling in all sorts of different colours, and even though it’s kind of kitschy, it’s also kind of beautiful. 

Hux exhales a plume of smoke, his hand shaking slightly, exposed to the crisp winter air. It occurs to him that he’s barely had a moment to himself since he arrived here. He needed this, probably: Not just the cigarette, but a quiet few minutes, without anyone shouting or laughing or complaining or asking questions. Without Kylo hovering nearby all the time, waiting for the next damningly wonderful touch. He doesn’t hate it, doesn’t hate any of this, in fact, but Kylo was right: It’s certainly a lot. 

Even after he’s stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray, he spends a few more minutes outside, just breathing deeply and trying to recentre himself. Trying to calm his racing heartbeat, to clear his mind enough to be functioning again when he goes back inside. He stays there until his toes start hurting from the cold, and he’s well and truly shivering, then goes back inside to face all this chaos again. 

The warmth of the house is like a hit to the face, but it’s also absolutely delightful, and when he hears voices from the living room, Hux doesn’t feel so out of his depth anymore. He’s still nervous about going back, about fucking up, of course, but it’s not quite as bad now. 

He makes a detour to the pantry, which is right next to the storage closet he pullet Kylo into yesterday, and searches for flour there. When he’s found it, he turns around, intending to walk back into the kitchen. Instead of finding the hallway empty, he walks right into Kylo, who has somehow suddenly appeared right in front of him, blocking the way his his stupid, broad body. 

Hux jumps despite himself, almost drops the flour. Stops himself from cursing out loud at the last second. He frowns, irritation rising inside him. What the fuck? 

“Here you are. I’ve been wondering where you wandered off to,” Kylo says, apparently not noticing Hux’s irritation. 

“I was outside, then I got flour, because your mother asked me to,” he explains, lifting the bag up to demonstrate. 

Kylo nods, thoughtfully. “Good. I was worried for a bit, that you were freaking out or something, because we didn’t talk about kissing beforehand. But it was fine, right? I didn’t misinterpret or anything?” 

At the mention of the kiss, his face flushes, and he can’t do anything about it. It was more than fine, but he can’t tell Kylo that, so he just nods. 

“It’s fine, you didn’t misinterpret anything. And I wasn’t freaking out.” 

(That’s a lie. He was totally freaking out. He can’t tell Kylo that either, though.)

Kylo lets out a relieved breath, runs his hand through his hair. “Good. Great. I was hoping you’d say this.” 

There’s a bashful smile on his face, suddenly, and it makes Hux slightly uneasy, because he doesn’t know what it means, and he has the feeling Kylo is going to say something, something that could be important, but he doesn’t know what. 

“Why?” he asks, wary. That expression can’t mean anything good. 

“Okay, hear me out: I know how we’re going to make sure no one suspects anything.” 

Kylo stops, looks at him expectantly, and Hux hums, indicating for him to go on. Kylo nods again, stands up straight. 

“We have to keep kissing.” 

Hux blinks. Swallows. 

He’s not sure he heard that right.

“What?” he says. More like shouts. It’s definitely louder than anticipated, but who can blame him? 

“Listen, Hux. If we make out all the time, no one will suspect we’re faking this.” 

Kylo’s looking at him all hopeful, with his big brown eyes and smiling such a pretty shy smile. Hux should say no. He should tell Kylo to fuck off with his stupid idea, not make all of this needlessly harder. But the thing is, the idea isn’t stupid at all. It’s actually quite good. And Kylo is right: No one would even think they’re not actually dating if they were all over each other all the time. And in all honesty: He doesn’t want to say no. What he really wants is to say yes, and then kiss Kylo until he forgets why he was even having second thoughts. 

He takes a deep breath. He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn't. And yet. 

“Alright.” 

And Kylo has the audacity to fucking  _ beam _ at him. Hux’s heart does a somersault in his chest. He hates it. 

“Really? Fuck, that’s great. Thank you so much, Hux. I’m not even kidding, I owe you so much for this. When we get back I’ll take you out to dinner or something, fuck. Thank you.” 

Kylo’s babbling, but he’s still smiling and looking very relieved, and Hux doesn’t want to think about what will happen when they’re back home. 

“Yes, you better,” he mumbles. 

“So. Uh. Should we, like, practice?” Kylo asks. 

Hux almost chokes on his spit. Every time Kylo opens his mouth, this gets more bizarre. 

“What do you mean?” he croaks out, even though he’s pretty sure he knows. He wants to hear Kylo say it anyway, out of some twisted curiosity, maybe, or just because he likes to torture himself. 

Kylo runs his hand through his hair again. It’s awfully distracting. His hair is ruffled and sticking up at places, and Hux wants to bury his fingers in it. Last night, when he was sure Kylo was asleep, he allowed himself to stroke his head, just a few touches, and he knows that’s creepy, but he couldn’t hold himself back. 

“You know,  _ practice. _ So it doesn’t look awkward when we kiss in front of others. We’ve got to seem like we’re familiar with each other, like we kiss all the time,” Kylo explains. 

Hux can see where he’s coming from. At least kind of. It makes sense, right? They should be intimately familiar with each other. After all, they’ve been dating for half a year. 

He nods, doesn’t listen to the voice in the back of his head that tells him this is a terrible idea. 

“Alright.” And then, because he apparently doesn’t know when to stop: “Right now?” 

Kylo shrugs. “Sure, why not.” 

Then he steps closer, crowds Hux against the wall. Hux can smell him from this close, and it makes his head spin. Kylo’s hands find his waist, almost wrapping around him completely, and Hux’s breath shudders out of him. Just like last time, his brain stops working, all his thoughts disappearing when Kylo leans in and his breath ghosts over Hux’s face. 

He can feel his heart beating in his throat, and then he can feel the soft, almost hesitant brush of Kylo’s lips. It’s so sweet it makes his knees weak, and they haven’t even really started yet. He closes his eyes, then, because Kylo is too close and he can’t keep looking at him, and tilts his head forward to kiss Kylo properly. 

Kylo gasps, maybe surprised by Hux’s sudden movement, and then he leans into Hux, presses him more firmly against the wall, and brings them chest to chest. There’s no space between them. Hux wants Kylo closer still. He wraps his arms around Kylo’s neck almost on instinct, pulls him in. 

Kylo breaks away, then, breathing heavily already, and Hux resists the temptation to just crush their lips together again. If Kylo’s done, he won’t push him. He just has to take what Kylo offers. Not more. 

But it’s hard to control himself.  _ So _ fucking hard. Kylo is like a goddamn drug. Now that he’s got a taste, Hux can’t get enough of him, wants more and more and ever more, and there’s no hope for him anymore. Everything about Kylo keeps pulling him back in, no matter how hard he tries to stay away, and there’s no point in lying to himself: He’s addicted. 

“Is that good?” Kylo whispers, squeezing Hux’s hips.    


He’s not sure what exactly Kylo means, but nods frantically anyway. 

“Yes, it’s good, it’s good,” he mumbles, and then Kylo is leaning into him and they’re kissing again. 

It’s been so long since he’s been kissed by anyone, and it feels so good, heat shooting through his veins, and he tightens his arms around Kylo’s neck. They fit together almost perfectly, and it’s so fucking easy to get lost in it. That’s just another of the universe’s cruel jokes, Hux is sure, but it also makes this all the better. He’s still holding the flour, gripping it so tightly his hand hurts, but it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything except this, right now, here. 

Kylo runs his tongue gently over the seam of Hux’s lips, and his mouth opens easily under the attention, gives back as good as he gets. Kylo’s mouth is slick and hot and fucking great, and Hux licks into him eagerly. Fuck pretenses. He wants this. And Kylo obviously wants it too, what with the way his grip on Hux tightens and he makes a little mewling sound into the kiss. Hux swallows it right up. 

This is different than the kiss under the mistletoe. That one was sweet and slow and tame. Now, they’re desperate, pressing ever closer, heat and urgency permeating the space around them. It makes Hux’s entire body tingle for entirely different reasons. There’s still something careful about it, though. Something curious in the way they’re exploring each other, like this new, wonderful thing could somehow fracture at any time. He supposes that’s true in a way. But it’s hard to think about caution right now, and he has to really make an effort to remind himself that Kylo’s enthusiasm is only an act. 

When Kylo breaks away again, he’s panting, lips slick and red and swollen, and Hux wants to bite them, so he does. Kylo groans. The sound shoots sparks of arousal through Hux’s groin, and that’s bad, that’s really bad. He should absolutely not get hard while he’s practicing how to properly make out with Kylo Ren. He almost laughs at that, just the thought of what they’re doing and why they’re doing it absolutely ludicrous. But then Kylo’s kissing him again, harsher now, and he stops thinking again. 

He slides his fingers into Kylo’s hair, just like he’d fantasized, and allows himself to grip the soft strands, to pull slightly, until Kylo’s groaning again, bumping their hips together in what what must be instinct, not a deliberate move, certainly not. It doesn’t matter, it feels great either way. Kylo’s hands are still firmly gripping Hux’s hips, and he kind of wishes Kylo would touch him elsewhere, no matter where, but this is good too, this is just fine, this is fucking amazing, and Kylo does something truly wicked with his tongue that makes Hux arch up against him- 

The sound of someone clearing their throat makes Hux jump. 

He almost bites Kylo’s tongue, in the not-sexy way, before he extricates himself from Kylo’s embrace, and Kylo steps back so quickly he almost stumbles over his own feet. 

Han is standing at the end of the hallway, his arms crossed, looking at them with raised brows and a mischievous smirk. 

“Leia was wondering if you got lost looking for the flour. But apparently not.” 

Hux clears his throat awkwardly. There’s entirely too much malicious glee glinting in Han’s eyes. 

“Uh, yes. I didn’t have any trouble finding it,” he says, holding up the bag demonstratively. 

His voice is embarrassingly rough, and he’s almost panting. He can  _ feel _ his entire face burning. 

“Great. Better get back into the kitchen soon, she wants to keep baking.” 

Then Han gives them both a long  _ look _ and turns around to walk back into the living room. Hux and Kylo keep standing where they are, rooted to the spot, for a few more moments. 

Then, Kylo chuckles, a nervous, breathless thing. His chest is heaving, much like Hux’s, and his hair is even messier than before. He looks properly well-kissed, and there’s no way they can make themselves presentable enough to walk back into the living room. Everyone will know what they’ve been up to. Hux can’t help the burn of shame he feels at that. But… that’s what they want, right? To be caught making out again and again to erase all doubt about their relationship. 

“Well, that went surprisingly well,” Kylo says.

His voice is completely fucked as well, but he doesn’t seem all that bothered by it. The sound of it sends shivers down Hux’s spine. He did that to Kylo. Fuck. 

Despite how shaky his knees are, he pushes himself off the wall, takes the bag of flour into his other hand. His left one has started to cramp from holding on so tightly, and he flexes his fingers to get rid of the ache. 

“Yes. That was… good.” 

“It really was. If we keep doing that, they’ll be absolutely convinced we’re dating for real.” 

Kylo is already walking away from him, so Hux only nods, sighs, and leaves with him. The others shoot him absolutely dirty looks when he walks through the living room and towards the kitchen, and he tries his best to ignore it. 

He really, really tries his best to stay focused on baking afterwards, but his mind keeps wandering. His lips are still tingling, and every time he catches a glimpse of Kylo in his periphery, he shivers. He is so absolutely fucked, even more so than before, and it dawns on him that he has reached a point of no return. It’s like he’s been carefully balancing on the edge of a cliff this whole time, trying his hardest to contain his feelings, to keep the storm inside of him under control. But he’s fallen over the edge now. Hell, he fucking ran towards it and leapt right off it, barreling towards the bottom with no hope of being caught, falling towards his goddamn doom like a fool. 

When Kylo comes into the kitchen to steal another cookie, he brushes his fingers against Hux’s lower back. The touch makes him burn, lights his entire body on fire, and he’s falling and falling and falling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content warnings:** Hux thinks back on the verbal and sometimes physical abuse Brendol put him through, but this is only once sentence. Some lasting effects of Brendol's abuse are talked about. Hux's dead mother is talked about. Hux smokes in this chapter. Also, the rating finally becomes relevant, yay! 
> 
> If I forgot any warnings, please let me know! 
> 
> Sorry for the slight delay, I didn't have time to upload the chapter yesterday. But here it is! And oh boy. Oh boy. What a chapter, am I right?  
> The next one is coming in two weeks! 
> 
> If you want to chat in the mean time, I'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings can be found in the end notes!

Kissing Hux is kind of nice. Actually, it’s really fucking amazing. His lips are soft and plush, and he makes adorable little sighs when Kylo moves his mouth just right. He tastes good, and he knows what he’s doing, clearly, because almost everything he does makes Kylo shiver from head to toe. Hux is a  _ good kisser _ . Kylo doesn’t know why that surprises him, but it does. Somehow, it never occurred to him that kissing Hux could feel like this. Not that he’s spent much time thinking about kissing Hux. Because he hasn’t. 

He was scared this would be weird. That it’d be awkward to start kissing Hux, and then go back to normal afterwards, with the memory of this still looming over them. But he doesn’t think it’ll be awkward. At least it isn’t right now. And really, what they’re doing is nothing unusual. Friends kiss platonically all the time. That’s normal. Never mind that he and Hux aren’t usually the kind of people who are overly affectionate, and that this isn’t something that’s ever really been on the plate for them. 

Hux bites Kylo’s lower lip, softly, and tugs at it, drawing a choked off moan from Kylo. 

Really, this is absolutely perfect. Kissing Hux is really goddamn enjoyable, so it’s actually easy to just keep making out with him. It’s a win for everyone involved: His family will have no doubt that they’re the most disgustingly in love couple ever, and he can kiss someone, which he hasn’t done in a while. And Hux seems on board with it, too, judging by the way he arches against Kylo as he slips his tongue into Hux’s mouth. They’re a good team. 

“Are you serious? Again?” 

Rey’s exasperated voice behind him makes him smirk, and he pulls away from Hxu to grin at her. This is the third time today she’s managed to walk in on them kissing. It’s no surprise, because Kylo keeps pulling Hux against him in the hallway or the kitchen or the dining room, where anyone could see them at any time. Everything is going according to plan. 

Rey doesn’t seem too amused by this. She looks more annoyed than anything else, her brows drawn inwards in a frown. 

“Sorry,” he says, still grinning. 

He doesn’t sound sincere at all, and she rolls her eyes. 

“Can’t you make out in your room? For fuck’s sake, no one wants to see this,” she grumbles. 

Hux clears his throat. His face is flushed, which looks sort of adorable, and his huge knitted jumper is all crooked; it’s slipped off his right shoulder, showing off his pale, freckled skin. He tugs at it in an effort to put himself to rights again and steps away from Kylo in the process. His face is somewhat pinched, like he’s actually embarrassed to be caught by Rey. To be honest, Kylo is really impressed with how good his acting is. 

“Sorry,” Kylo repeats, still not sounding honest, and Rey groans and walks past them towards the bathroom, making sure to bump into Kylo with her shoulder. He stumbles and scowls after her, sticking out his tongue even though she doesn’t see it. 

“I can’t believe she saw us again,” Hux mumbles. 

Kylo shrugs and drags his hand through his hair. His fingers snag at a few knots; Hux has done a spectacular job at completely messing up his hair. 

“Yeah, it’s kinda funny that she’s the one who keeps finding us. But it’s good, I think she’s the one who needs most convincing.” 

Hux just hums. 

Now that they’re not kissing anymore, Kylo can feel the nervousness creeping in again, making his fingertips tingle and his stomach churn. Luke is going to arrive today. He’s been dreading this, and with every passing minute, he gets more apprehensive. His meetings with Luke have historically been… not good. Their relationship has always been strained, mostly because they have some very different opinions, but especially in Kylo’s late teens, it became worse. The last few times they saw each other were kind of disastrous. Kylo doesn’t want a repeat of that. Things are better now, of course, but he’s still a bit scared. As much as Luke doesn’t mean any harm, he also doesn’t understand Kylo at all. 

Hux has proven to be an excellent distraction from his impending doom. Everytime they kiss, Kylo’s brain completely shuts down, and everything that’s left is a pleasant haze. He’s been able to stop thinking about Luke for hours at a time, just Hux’s presence taking his mind off of things and calming him in a way he can’t explain. 

It’s nice, to not have to think about Luke and everything that could go wrong. But he also can’t keep kissing Hux forever, and no matter how much he tries to ignore it, he’ll have to see Luke today, much sooner than he’d like. 

“Is everything alright?” Hux asks. He’s still flushed, but also frowning at Kylo with concern. 

“What? Yes, why?”

Hux looks him up and down. “You’re tense. And your face is doing something weird.” 

Kylo snorts. “Shut up, may face isn’t weird.” 

“It is, though,” Hux insists, but he chuckles too. 

Kylo breathes in deeply, makes a conscious effort to relax his shoulders, to let go of the tension in his body. 

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I’m just a little nervous because my uncle is arriving today.”

Hux nods. His face is open, a questioning look in his eyes. The invitation to talk about it is plain as day, but Kylo isn’t sure he wants to. He doesn’t need Hux to know all the spicy details of his breakdown, so he shakes his head and tries to smile. 

“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it,” he repeats. 

“If you say so,” Hux mumbles with a shrug, but he doesn’t look entirely convinced. 

“I do say so.” 

Hux hums and keeps looking at Kylo inquisitively a moment longer. Kylo looks back, and after a few seconds Hux shrugs again and averts his eyes. He’s still blushing, and it’s somehow a very good look on him. 

“Well. Alright then. I’m going to go back now,” Hux announces. 

He gives Kylo a quick peck on the lips before turning around and walking towards the living room. His ass looks good in his yoga pants, and his legs are impossibly slim and long. Kylo swallows, a lump suddenly forming in his throat. His heart is beating irrationally fast. He shakes his head, follows Hux, and doesn’t dwell on it. 

***

When the doorbell rings, the whole living room erupts into chaos. They’ve been watching a Christmas movie in relative peace until now, all of them together. With his arm thrown around Hux’s shoulder and Hux cuddled close to his side, a wool blanket thrown over their legs, he’s been able to calm himself down some more, and concentrate on how nice it feels to have Hux close like this. 

But now, Rey jumps up from where she’s been lounging in one of the armchairs with an excited squeal, and the nerves are back full force. He can feel his heartbeat in his throat, and his stomach feels queasy. Leia follows Rey into the hallway, the others chattering excitedly among themselves. Hux shuffles closer to him, and puts a hand on his thigh, squeezes reassuringly. 

He takes a deep breath, but then the voices in the hallway get louder, and then Luke enters the room. He’s smiling, his grey hair windblown, and there are more wrinkles around his eyes than the last time Kylo saw him. There’s absolutely nothing threatening about his presence at all. Regardless, Kylo can’t help but clench his jaw, already bracing for a fight before Luke has even greeted him. 

“It’s so good to see you all!” he announces, grinning brightly. 

“Good to see you too,” Han says, and he’s smiling, too, walking towards Luke and pulling him into a friendly hug. 

Poe and Finn join them and take turns hugging Luke. Rey is hovering nearby, never more than a step away, and Leia keeps close too, looking on with a soft smile playing around her lips. 

Kylo doesn’t join them. He stays sitting on the sofa, unsure of what to do. He’s absolutely certain that a hug would be unwelcome, but he doesn’t know what else to do, so he just doesn’t do anything and waits for Luke to make the first move. 

It doesn’t take long for Luke to spot him. Something changes in his eyes, but his smile stays the same. He looks at Kylo for what feels like a long time, and it makes Kylo’s skin crawl, because it’s almost like Luke is looking right into him, his intent stare as unnerving as ever. He almost lets out a sigh of relief when Luke’s eyes land on Hux. His brows raise slightly, almost imperceptibly, as he notices the way Hux and Kylo are cuddled up together. 

“Well, aren’t you going to greet your uncle?” he says, finally, and his voice is lighthearted, but there’s also the slightest bit of tension there. 

Now, Kylo allows himself to let out an audible breath. He smiles, a small, hesitant thing, and when Luke steps towards him, he disentangles himself from Hux and stands. 

“Hi, Uncle Luke,” he says dutifully, and bends down to hug him. 

It’s uncomfortable, and Luke grips him just a little too tightly, pats his back just a little awkwardly, but he’s trying. They’re both trying, actually, and that’s good. That’s nice. That means Christmas isn’t going to be an absolute catastrophe. They just… have to keep trying, until this is over. 

“It’s good to see you, kid,” Luke mumbles into his ear, and Kylo is almost certain he means it. 

Huh. How weird.

He just hums instead of saying anything, because it seems like the safer option. When Luke releases him, he notices that Rey is watching him with sharp eyes. It’s a warning: Don’t start any shit. Kylo swallows, then swallows again to keep the annoyance from bubbling up. She’s right, but that doesn't mean he likes it. 

“So, who are you?” Luke asks, looking at Hux again. 

He’s got that intent stare going again, and Kylo can see that Hux doesn’t like it, even though his face betrays nothing. He stands up from the sofa too, and Kylo clears his throat. 

“That’s Hux. He’s my boyfriend,” he explains. 

Luke’s eyebrows shoot up, a look of pleasant surprise on his face, and he extends his hand at the same time as Hux does. It’s almost comical to watch. 

“Really? A boyfriend? Well, that’s great! I’m Luke, I’m Leia’s brother, it’s so nice to meet you!” 

Hux grips his hand and shakes it, smiling now, too, though there is a tightness around his eyes that would be hard to notice if one doesn’t know what to look for.

“Yes, It’s nice to meet you too,” Hux agrees. 

Luke’s gaze jumps from Hux to Kylo and back again, all while he’s still shaking Hux’s hand. It must be awkward by now, but Hux is polite enough not to pull away. 

Finally, Luke nods, seemingly satisfied, and releases Hux’s hand. 

“Yes, you’re a good match, I think,” he announces. 

Kylo snorts, tries to ignore the blush spreading on his cheeks. “How do you know that?”

“I just do. Looking at you two, I can feel it. You fit together. You’re good for each other.” 

“Oh. Uh. Thank you?” Kylo chuckles, unsure what else to do or say. He feels a little bad, suddenly, for lying to Luke and the rest of his family. But if Luke thinks, they're a good match, they must be doing an exceptionally good job. 

There’s also, inexplicably, something tightening in his chest, though he can’t quite pinpoint what it is, or why it’s happening. That seems to happen a lot recently. At some point, he’ll have to think about that, but he decides that right now isn’t the point. 

Hux laughs, but it sounds slightly strained, and his face is very red. His fingers are twitching, the way they do when he wants to fidget but is trying really hard not to. It seems like the logical decision to take his hand, to squeeze lightly and wait for him to squeeze back. When he does, Kylo smiles at him, just a small tilt of his lips, and Hux smiles back. 

“See? You fit,” Luke repreats, looking both of them up and down again. 

Then, seemingly ready to move on to other matters, he turns around and claps his hands.    


“Didn’t you say something about lunch?” he asks Leia, and she nods. 

“It’s ready, if you want to go and eat.” 

Luke nods. “Yes, food sounds like a great idea. And you all have to tell me what you’ve been up to.” 

Muttering in agreement, the party follows him into the dining room, leaving Kylo and Hux alone. They exchange a look, and then they go too. 

***

“So, Ben. How are your studies coming along?”

The question isn’t entirely unexpected, but it still makes Kylo stop short, fork halfway to his mouth. Luke is looking at him expectantly, and there’s suddenly a tense silence hanging between them, everyone around the table shifting and exchanging wary glances. 

Rey has just finished telling him about all the things she got up to this semester, talking about how well university is going for her and how many friends she’s made and how amazing everything is. So of course the next thing Luke would ask is about Kylo. He certainly doesn’t mean any harm by it, at least Kylo thinks he doesn’t have any bad intentions. But he can already feel the sting of being compared to Rey again, and being found lacking, just like it’s always been. 

He sets his fork down, slowly, and says, eloquently: “Uhm.” 

When he feels a gentle pressure on his thigh, he glances down. It’s Hux hand, again, and it drains some of the tension away, the simple touch grounding him and allowing him to take a deep breath. 

He clears his throat. 

“It’s actually been going really good. I, uh, passed all my classes this semester, which is great. One of my professors recommended I sign up for an exhibition that’s going to take place in a few months. I’m really excited to work on that. I cut down my course load for the next semester, though. I think I need to take it a bit easier, especially when I plan to work on some other projects on the side.” 

Luke nods, thoughtfully. 

“Well, that sounds good,” he finally says, and Kylo lets himself slump down in relief. “I’m glad you’re happy with what you’re doing.” 

“Thank you. I am. Happy, that is.” 

And it’s true, he is. He just hadn’t expected Luke would be this… nonchalant about it. 

“So you’re still set on art history?” Luke asks. 

And ah. There it is. The slight disapproval in his tone. He’s trying hard to hide it. but Kylo can see right through him. 

“Art  _ and _ history. It’s a double major,” Kylo explains, keeping his voice as even as he can. 

Luke hums. “And do you know what you want to do when you’re done? Have you put some more thought into that?” 

“Well, I’m hoping that I can sell my art. You know, become a full time artist.” 

“Oh. And if that doesn’t work out?” Luke asks with a frown. 

“I’m not sure yet. I guess I’ll think about it then.” 

He knows that’s not what Luke wants to hear, but it’s the truth. He’s not a fan of planning everything. Of course there’s the possibility he won’t make it as an artist, but people have shown interest in his work before, and he’s at least going to try. If it doesn’t work out, that’s future Kylo’s problem. 

“Don’t you think you should have some kind of back up plan at least?” 

Kylo scoffs, despite his best efforts. There’s just something about Luke’s voice that makes him bristle, and he’s trying, he’s really trying, but it’s almost frighteningly easy to slip back into old habits, to draw up every defence he can. 

“No, I think I’ll manage,” he says, curt. 

He picks his fork up, stuffs food into his mouth, so that he doesn’t have to say anything else. Luke is looking at him, eyes exasperated, the way he’s looked at him so often in the past. Kylo hates it. He hates it so fucking much. His grip on the fork is leaving him white-knuckled, the metal digging into his flesh. 

“I just mean, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye out for a real job…” 

And that’s just the icing on the cake, isn’t it? 

Composure be damned. There’s white hot anger bubbling up inside Kylo, crackling through his fingertips, making every hair on his body stand up, every muscle tense. He puts the fork down again with too much force, making the cutlery clatter, and he only somewhat registers the worried looks his parents are throwing him. 

“And your job is a real job, or what?” he asks, heated, challenging. Too loud. 

Something clouds over in Luke’s eyes, and when he speaks again, his voice is strained, too.

“I worked hard for what I have-” 

“And I don’t?” he interrupts Luke. Typical. Fucking typical. Of course Luke doesn’t think his achievements mean anything, because they're not the kinds of achievements any of them wanted for him. 

Luke sighs, exasperated, a well known sound, like he’s so fucking tired of talking to Kylo, like speaking to him is a fucking chore or something and like Kylo is a fucking idiot, which he isn’t, but trust Luke to think it anyway…

“I didn’t say that.”

Kylo scoffs. “You kind of did, though.” 

The silence that follows is thick and uncomfortable. Luke’s mouth is pulled down at the corners, disapproval plain on his face. He looks like he wants to say more, but isn’t sure whether he should. Kylo would prefer if he kept his mouth shut. 

He feels stretched thin, nearly to a breaking point, brittle, like he could fall apart at any moment, or worse yet, explode, with the hot fury circulating through his veins at maximum speed. 

“Actually,” a voice suddenly says next to him, “I don’t doubt that Kylo can make a living off his art. He’s great.” 

His heart honest to god skips a beat, and he whips his head around, stares at Hux in amazement. Hux’s hand on his thigh has tightened a little, grounding him again, but he’s absolutely speechless. Hux usually doesn’t miss a chance to make fun of his art. Sure, it’s mostly in good nature, but he doesn’t think he’s ever heard Hux praise his work like this. 

“Oh, of course, I didn’t mean to imply-” Luke starts, but Hux talks over him, face impassive. 

“I’m sure you didn’t. Kylo is one of the most hardworking, creative people I’ve ever met, and all of his work is incredible. It evokes so much emotion. He’s really one of a kind, and I’m sure he’ll have absolutely no trouble finding work or buyers when he’s done with his studies.” 

Luke stares at Hux, shocked, his mouth slightly open. Maybe because there’s a certain sharpness to Hux’s word, his eyes just imperceptibly colder than they were before. He looks… fierce, and protective in a way Kylo hadn't expected. It’s touching, and makes his chest warm from the inside out. His face, too. He’s sure he must be blushing at the compliment, but he can’t help it. 

Nobody says anything for a few seconds, Kylo’s stomach twisting and untwisting with unease. Hux and Luke stare at each other, Luke slightly surprised, still, Hux unwavering. Finally, after what feels like ages, Luke clears his throat, and looks away. 

“Well, I’m sure Ben’s going to do what’s best for him,” Luke says, caving in only slightly. 

His tone still isn’t happy, but he also doesn’t seem to want to get into a shouting match on his first day here, which Kylo can relate to. He shoots Hux a grateful look, who smiles back hesitantly and visibly lets his posture droop, now that Luke’s attention is no longer on him. 

“And how is therapy going, Ben?” Luke asks then. 

And he absolutely  _ does not _ want to discuss therapy with Luke,  _ no fucking way _ , that’s one step too far, he’ll- 

“Dad! Did I tell you about this thing my girlfriend Rose and I did together? I don’t think I did…”, Rey starts, pulling Luke’s attention away from Kylo. 

She starts talking, some adventurous story, and it’s like everyone around the table releases a huge breath. Kylo lets himself fall back against the chair, allowing himself to just… calm down for a moment, not do anything except nod at Rey thankfully. She notices it, of course, inclines her head,  _ you’re welcome _ . 

Instead of paying attention to whatever she’s saying, he scoots his chair closer to Hux, because he suddenly finds they’re sitting too far apart, somehow, and he wants that closeness, wants to feel Hux’s warmth and ground himself in Hux’s presence. Hux leans against him immediately, and Kylo sighs in relief. He takes Hux’s hand into his, interlacing their fingers, and squeezes. 

He’s infinitely glad he brought Hux along. Not just because of the boyfriend thing, but also just to have him near. Somehow, he never quite noticed how good it feels to have Hux nearby. How much he doesn’t want to let Hux go. 

***

After lunch, Kylo hightails it out of the dining room as soon as possible. He can’t bear to spend another minute around Luke. His sheer presence feels suffocating, and it’s getting worse by the second.

He runs into the bathroom and hides there for twenty minutes, splashing cold water onto his face and taking deep breaths. 

It’s shitty, that he can’t be around Luke without feeling like a failure. It’s not like he doesn’t know his family would have preferred he do something else with his life, maybe go into politics like his mother. (Or into… weird contemporary medicine, or whatever the fuck it is Luke’s doing). But somehow, being around Luke reminds him of it acutely, even when his parents haven’t said a word about his career choices once since he arrived. That, at least, he’s grateful for. 

Actually, being around his parents hasn’t been as terrible as he’d feared, not nearly as catastrophic at it had been in the past sometimes. Despite Luke being here, and despite the fact that he always seems to bring out the worst in Kylo, whether he means to or not, this has not been the worst family gathering he’s ever had to endure. Hopefully it’ll stay that way. Hopefully, he’ll be able to control the itch in his fingertips, the thrumming in the back of his head, the urge to shout and destroy. He hopes he’ll be able to control himself. Not only does he not want to ruin Christmas, he also doesn’t want Hux to see him that way, pathetic and angry and all that. 

When his heart rate has slowed again, and Kylo can look at himself in the mirror without wanting to smash the thing, he leaves the bathroom again. Laughter and the sounds of conversation carry from the living room, and he braces himself before he goes back inside. Almost everyone is scattered around the room, chattering animatedly. Almost everyone. 

Hux is nowhere to be found. 

Kylo frowns, looks around the room again. No, Hux is definitely not here. 

No one is paying any attention to him, all of them engrossed in their conversations, so he leaves again. He’ll go look for Hux, and then he’ll… he doesn’t know yet what he’ll do. 

It doesn’t take long to find him. When Kylo steps into the hallway, he spots Hux halfway up the stairs, looking at the pictures on the wall intently. 

“Hey. What are you doing?” he asks, stupidly, because it’s really fucking obvious what Hux is doing, and he blushes as soon as the words leave his mouth. 

Hux flinches, as if he didn’t notice him up until now, then turns towards him. 

“I was looking at your embarrassing childhood photos. This one is especially charming. Your ears are  _ massive _ .” 

Kylo chuckles, drags one hand through his hair. Tries not to be self conscious about the way his ears show when he does it, and is careful to brush the strands back where they belong. 

“Don’t worry, it’s quite charming,” Hux says, undoubtedly noticing Kylo’s discomfort. 

He only grunts and shrugs, then takes the few steps up towards Hux. 

“Also,” Hux continues, eyes landing on the pictures again, “I had a very weird conversation with your cousin. I think she gave me her blessings or something. Said I’m an okay guy and that sort of stuff.” 

Hux scoffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Not that it matters, but I thought you should know.” 

His mouth is pulled down, twisted, somehow, in an expression that seems almost bitter. Kylo doesn’t really understand it. He also doesn’t understand why Hux is uncomfortable all of a sudden, even though he clearly is. What he does understand is that Hux must have had enough of all the talking and laughing and touching, and come into the hallway to escape the constant noise for at least a few minutes. Kylo can definitely relate. 

He makes his mind up on what he’s going to do, then, because they both obviously need a break. 

“I was planning to go into my room. Get some peace and quiet, you know, be alone for a bit. Do you want to come with me?” 

It’s not entirely true, because he had no plan at all, but he really wants to have a few minutes to himself. Well, with Hux. 

Hux frowns. “You wouldn’t be alone if I came with you.” 

Kylo rolls his eyes. Of course Hux would be hung up on technicalities. 

“We can be alone together. Come on, I know you don’t want to go back down there. And you enjoy my company, whether you want to admit it or not.” 

“Debatable,” Hux mutters, but he’s also chuckling, and when Kylo ascends the stairs, Hux follows close behind him. 

They shut the door behind them, locking out the faint sound of voices, and the overwhelming presence of other people. Kylo falls on the bed face first, buries his head in a pillow and lets out a groan. He feels the bed lower next to him when Hux sits down, much more proper than him. 

“Is everything alright?” Hux asks. 

Kylo groans again, unwilling to move even one centimetre. He can’t quite breathe like this, though, so he at least turns his face towards Hux and looks up at his face. 

“I don’t know,” he admits honestly. 

There’s really no reason anymore to keep anything back from Hux. He’s seen it all anyway, so why should he not be honest now? After everything, Kylo figures it won’t hurt if he trusts Hux with this, too. 

“I just… I don’t really like being around Luke. He always makes me feel like a failure. And I know he doesn't mean to, but he always disagrees with everything I do, and then when I have to see that  _ look _ in his eyes… I don’t like it,” he explains. 

Hux is looking at him attentively, nodding along. He seems as if he’s really listening, taking this seriously, and that means a lot, somehow. 

“There seems to be a lot of history there,” Hux says. 

It’s a plain statement, but it’s also an invitation to talk about it more. Kylo could back out if he wanted to. But he doesn’t want to, is the thing. He wants to tell Hux, this and everything else. 

“Yes, you could say that.” 

Hux stays silent, waiting for him to go on. It takes Kylo a few seconds to sort through his thoughts, decide where to start, and he’s thankful that Hux doesn’t push it, doesn’t push him. 

“When I was younger, I had a lot of… issues. I kept getting into arguments with my parents. I was always angry, at them and at myself and the world itself. I screamed a lot. Punched some walls. It wasn’t pretty. I felt kind of shitty most of the time, and like no one could truly understand me.” 

He’s scared, just a little bit, that Hux might scoff at this, but he doesn’t. He just keeps looking at Kylo, and when Kylo swallows, averts his eyes, Hux reaches out and puts a gentle hand on top of his head. The touch is warm, reassuring. Entirely too nice. He sighs.

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to,” Hux says, somewhere above him. 

Kylo closes his eyes and shakes his head. He can feel Hux’s hand retreating, and reaches up to grab his wrist. 

“Don’t stop?” His voice is soft, suddenly, and close to breaking. “This feels really nice. If you could just, like, stroke my hair or something…” 

There’s a choked off sound, and a brief moment of hesitation before Hux’s fingers are back, gently carding through his hair and stroking over his head. Kylo relaxes into the pillow further. 

“Anyway, my parents didn’t really know what to do with me. So they made me go to this weird summer camp Luke runs, for gifted and troubled children. It was absolutely terrible.” 

He chuckles at the memory. “We had to talk to the trees and become one with nature and all sorts of bullshit like that. Needless to say I hated it there. But they sent me there every summer. And I got into so many fights with Luke. He kept telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough, and all that jazz, and I hated him so much for that. I also hated Rey. She was there too, obviously, helped him run the whole thing. I was so jealous of her, because she was so nice and well adjusted and everyone loved her. Everyone kept telling her how great she was. They all made me feel like I was worth nothing.” 

His voice does a weird, creaky thing, and he stops talking for a second. It’s almost too easy, to fall back into that mindset, of wanting to destroy everything that made him question himself. 

“You are, though. Worth something, I mean.” 

Kylo opens his eyes, looks up at Hux. Hux meets his eyes. His gaze is almost heated. It makes something swoop in Kylo’s chest. 

“Thank you. I know that now, and I know it was never his intention to make me feel that way. It wasn’t Rey’s intention either, or my parent’s intention. They… just wanted what was best for me. But none of them really knew what that was. I guess I was just exceptionally difficult.” 

Hux frowns, but doesn’t say anything. He keeps stroking Kylo’s hair, and Kylo leans into the touch.

“Things are better now,” Kylo continues after a while. “They really are. But it still feels so fragile, sometimes. Like everything could go to shit again at any second. Being around them is just… hard, sometimes. I love them all, but it’s escalated before. And I’m scared it’ll happen again.

“That’s why I told them I have a boyfriend, you know. Because I’ve disappointed them so many times in the past, and I know they kind of don’t like what I’m doing. I wanted to… I don’t know, make them happy for once. I wanted to do something to show them I’m not actually a complete fuck-up.”

The fingers in his hair still again, then pull away. Kylo frowns and turns onto his back. He can see Hux unobscured now, and there are deep furrows between his brows. His teeth are gnawing at his lower lip, and he’s looking at Kylo weirdly. 

“Hux?” he asks, uncertain. 

Hux swallows visibly, straightens. “You know you’re not, right? A fuck-up. Because you’re not. At all. You’re fulfilling your dream, you’re working towards that every day. And you’re actually a really goddamn amazing person, no matter what they say.” 

His words make Kylo’s throat dry. He can feel the blood rushing into his face, matching the blush that's spreading across Hux’s cheeks. He sits up, leans towards Hux. 

“Do you mean that?” he asks. 

He has to make sure. If Hux is just saying this because he thinks it’s what Kylo wants to hear, if he doesn’t mean it… 

“Of course I do! I wouldn’t lie to you.” He sounds almost offended at the mere suggestion. 

Kylo doesn’t know what to say. His brain is completely empty. He feels warm all over, shivery tingles running through his body, and he doesn’t know what to say. 

They’re sitting very close to each other, face to face, and Hux doesn’t say anything either. He’s looking at Kylo with very wide eyes. They’re just as green as they were when Hux pullet him into the storage room the other day. 

Kylo only notices that he’s leaning in when he can feel Hux’s breath on his face. Hux’s eyes have slipped halfway shut, and he’s leaning in, too. It seems to be happening in slow motion, and Kylo can’t help but focus on Hux’s lips. They're soft and shiny and very inviting. The urge to kiss Hux is immense, all of a sudden. He could do it. It would be easy to close the gap between them, capture Hux’s lips in a soft kiss, and not let him go for the foreseeable future. It wouldn't have to be weird. They’ve been kissing the whole day. 

But there’s no one here to put a show on for, and the thought of kissing Hux just like this makes Kylo incredibly nervous. He doesn’t want to think about what that could mean. He’s not- he can’t- it feels like dangerous territory, is all. Feels like it could lead to pain, this particular train of thought, so he just… doesn’t think about it, because maybe it would be weird, maybe they’d have to talk about it, maybe...

Hux tilts his head, and Kylo turns his face away, instead resting his chin on Hux’s shoulder and pulling him into a hug. His heart is doing something truly adventurous. He’s sure Hux can feel it beating rapidly, with the way they’re pressed together now, and maybe Kylo miscalculated that, too. 

“Thank you,” he mumbles into Hux’s ear, because there’s nothing else he can say right now.

Hux takes a shuddering breath. 

“No problem,” he whispers, and his voice sounds like it’s breaking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content warnings:** Further discussion of Kylo's mental health issues and his relationship with his family take place. 
> 
> Kylo (21, oblivious): Yes, Hux is gorgeous and I want to kiss him all the time and nobody understands me like he does and I love spending time with him and he's the most important person in my life, but that doesn't have to MEAN ANYTHING!
> 
> I feel like this pretty much sums up where the story is at right now, lmao. Anyway, welcome back! I'm sorry for the delay of this chapter, I caught a quite nasty cold, but I'm feeling better now so we're back in business! 
> 
> In case you haven't seen it yet, please check out this [ABSOLUTELY STUNNING ART](https://twitter.com/SnappishGinger/status/1231659512085524484?s=20) by the wonderful GingerSnappish. It's the make-out scene from the last chapter. I'm still not over it, it's so amazing! If you, too, want to be blown away, please do yourself a favor and look at this wonderful piece of art (and also check out the rest of her work)!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this update! The next chapter will be coming in two weeks, so stay tuned!
> 
> If you want to chat, I'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, content warnings are down in the end notes!  
> Also, the tags have been updated!

When Hux wakes up, he’s alone. It’s disconcerting at first, after waking up next to Kylo the past few days. His side of the bed has already gone cold, so he must have woken up a while ago. Without his body heat nearby, Hux shivers, and pulls the blankets closer around him. He listens for steps in the hallway, but there are no sounds drifting into the room. 

When he’s sure no one will burst into the room, he rolls over in the bed, buries his face in Kylo’s pillow and inhales deeply. The scent of Kylo, his sweat and shampoo, surrounds him, flood his senses immediately. It’s nice. He doesn’t care how weird it is, to be sniffing Kylo’s pillow like a creep, because it’s _ really fucking nice _ . And this is all going to be over soon. Today is Christmas Eve. They’re leaving in two days. He’s going to make the most of the time he still has left. And being surrounded by Kylo’s intoxicating smell is definitely something he wants to savour, at least for a few more minutes. 

When his sleepiness has abated, and he’s been lying face down in the bed long enough that it’s getting hard to breathe, he rolls over with a groan. He’s not sure if he wants to face all these people again, but he doesn’t really have a choice. No matter how much he would like to hide in Kylo’s room again, that’s not really an option. 

(And also, if he’s being entirely honest, Kylo’s family isn’t  _ that _ bad. A bit loud, yes, and certainly too many people for his taste, but they’re actually kind of nice. Not that it matters. He won’t see them again.) 

He drags himself out of bed and makes himself get dressed. It’s already later in the day than he would have thought, and he hopes there’s still some breakfast left for him. If not, he’ll just eat cereal again, maybe a few cookies. 

When he descends the stairs, he can already hear everyone talking and laughing and… growling? There’s a sound that sounds very much like an enthusiastic growl, and Hux absolutely cannot imagine where that might come from. 

As soon as he enters the living room, he is surrounded by chaos. 

There are more people than there were yesterday. A black older man is talking to Leia, and it looks like he’s wearing a cape. That’s certainly a fashion statement. There’s also possibly the biggest and hairiest man Hux has ever seen in his life. He’s sitting next to Han on the couch, talking to him, and suddenly he throws his head back and laughs - or growls, more like. That must have been the sound he heard before. It’s loud and boisterous and makes Hux jump a little, mostly because he’s not used to it. He’s also a little nervous, again, because he doesn’t know these men, and Kylo is nowhere to be seen. 

“Ah, Hux. Good morning,” Luke greets him. 

Hux tries not to look as weirded out as he feels. “Good morning.” 

He’s not quite sure how he feels about Luke. He’s a nice man, but there’s something about his eyes, too piercing, and he looks at Hux like he  _ knows _ , what exactly, Hux isn’t sure, but it makes him uncomfortable. Also, he can’t stop thinking about what Luke said yesterday, about him and Kylo being a good match, and how much it hurt to hear that. How happy it had made him at the same time, stupidly. 

“You’re probably looking for Ben, he’s in the dining room.”

It’s mildly unnerving that Luke can guess this, but then again, maybe it’s just a logical conclusion. Hux nods and gives him a small smile. 

“Thank you.” 

He weaves around the room, and when he enters the dining room, the noise is just as deafening as it was before. The sight that greets him is really… something. 

Kylo is sitting around the table with Rey, Finn and Poe. There is candy strewn all over the table, bowls with what looks like icing, and huge chunks of some brown mass. It looks suspiciously like- 

“Hugs! Hey! We’re making gingerbread houses. Care to join?”

Poe smiles at him encouragingly, knife in hand as he cuts out a piece of the dough. All other heads turn into his direction. They look at him expectantly. 

“Oh, I’m not sure-” he starts, but Finn interrupts him. 

“Come on, it’s fun. Trying won’t hurt you.” 

Hux frowns, still sceptical. He doesn’t think he knows how to build a gingerbread house. Sure, he’s heard about them, and he’s seen them, but he’s never in his life build one himself. The possibility that he might fail at such a mundane activity is actually mortifying, and he’s not sure he wants to risk the embarrassment. 

But then Kylo looks at him and smiles, wide and and disarming, and really, there’s not much Hux can do. 

“Come on, you should try it. Some gingerbread for my gingerbread man.” 

The others snort, but Hux shoots Kylo a glare. He doesn’t seem to care, just grins wider, and gestures to the chair next to him.

“I’m actually going to murder you,” Hux grumbles, but he walks towards the table and sits down, because he is  _ so _ weak for Kylo. 

“Nah, you’d miss me too much,” Kylo says.

Hux shrugs, blushing, and looks away at the things spread out on the table. 

“So, how does one go about this?” he asks.

Rey and Finn and Poe are back to piecing together their own creations, no longer paying attention, or at least not outright staring at him. He’s glad they don’t witness the way Kylo’s eyes widen slightly, before he tilts his head to the side, thoughtful. 

“You’ve never done this before?” 

Hux shakes his head, looks away. 

“Hey, it’s no problem. It’s not that hard,” Kylo says. 

He sounds reassuring, and Hux chances a glance at him. There’s a smile on his face, soft, and the corners of his eyes are crinkled up. 

“So, you just take these patterns, here, you can use mine. And you put them on top of the dough. Then you cut it out, and then you glue it together with the icing. And if the house doesn’t fall apart, you can decorate it.” 

Hux frowns while he takes the patterns from Kylo, who has already cut out all his pieces, and starts preparing his own dough. 

“If the house doesn’t fall apart? Does that happen a lot?” 

Kylo laughs, going back to his own work. “Yes, more often than not. But it’s no big deal, half the fun of building these houses is finding out whether they’re going to stay standing or not.” 

Hux hums and gets to cutting. He can’t imagine it’s any fun to work for something, only for the thing to fall apart again, but it’s not like he knows. Maybe he’ll just have to see for himself. 

While he cuts out the different pieces, Kylo and the others have started plastering truly preposterous amounts of icing onto their houses. While Finn’s house looks like it’s staying glued together just fine, Poe’s house is full of icing in places it shouldn’t be, and one side keeps breaking in. Hux can’t be entirely sure, but it looks like there are chunks of Rey’s roof missing, and she keeps licking the icing and eating the candies that are supposed to be for decoration. Kylo’s house is looking… quite terrible, really. None of the walls stay standing, and the roof breaks in again and again. 

Kylo growls in frustration as the entire structure falls over. 

“Fuck this shit. Why can’t I ever build a house that doesn’t fucking break? Fucking hell.” 

Hux snorts at his language. “Didn’t you say that’s what half the fun of it is?” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it would be this bad!” Kylo says. 

He’s frowning and pouting, his lower lip pushed out and way too tantalizing. It makes Hux want to devour him, so he looks away with great effort and reaches for the bowl of icing. He scoops some of it up and starts lathering it onto the dough. It feels a little ridiculous to be doing that. He can’t believe he’s building a gingerbread house. He’s a grown man. And adult. Surely, this sort of thing should be reserved for children, right? But then there’s the way Finn keeps shouting in delight when his decorational candies don’t fall off, and also, Kylo’s groan as he accidentally puts his hand right into the icing on his house. And that’s almost nice, in it’s own sort of way. 

“Why are you frowning?” Kylo asks him. 

“Hm?” 

He turns towards Kylo in confusion, because he hadn’t even noticed there was something wrong with his face. Maybe he’d just started frowning because he’s trying to concentrate; that happens sometimes. But before he can even say something, before he’s even fully facing Kylo, there’s a quick movement, and then the sensation of something sticky on his nose. 

He gasps. 

Kylo grins at him, his finger still raised, remnants of icing clinging to the digit. 

“You ass!” Hux grits out. 

“What? You were looking too serious, and I thought maybe this would cheer you up.” 

There’s no remorse in Kylo’s voice, only mischievous glee, and Hux wants to punch him in the face. He rolls his eyes, because this is just so typically Kylo. 

“Liar. You did not think that. You only want to laugh at me!” 

Kylo shakes his head from side to side, contemplating, and hums. Then his grin spreads even wider, completely shit-eating and terrible. 

“Okay, yes, maybe. It suits you, though. Very adorable,” he says. 

And Hux just can’t let that stand. He narrows his eyes at Kylo, a weird thrill running through him. Kylo must notice something, because his eyes narrow too, but Hux doesn’t care if he’s being obvious. He’s out for revenge. 

Lightning fast, he dips his hand into the bowl of icing, swiping a big chunk of it onto his fingers, and aims for Kylo’s face. Kylo is, unfortunately, just as fast. He reaches out, grips Hux’s arm before he can swipe the icing across Kylo’s entire face. His grip is strong, long fingers completely encircling Hux’s wrist. When he notices, it sends a shiver through him. Kylo’s hands are incredible. He loves feeling them on him - on his lower back, entangled with his own hand, resting on his waist, or on the back of his head, or now, wrapped around his wrist. Being touched by Kylo is the most intoxicating thing, no matter how small the gesture, and it makes Hux breathless even now. 

He can’t look away from Kylo’s face, so he sees it clearly when suddenly, something lights up in Kylo’s eyes. It makes Hux vaguely scared. 

Then, he feels the warm, wet swipe of a tongue, lapping the icing off his fingers. 

Hux squeaks, probably the most undignified sound he has ever made, and tries to squirm away, pull his hand back, but Kylo holds onto his wrist. He keeps staring at Hux as his tongue laves over his fingers, wrapping around and between them, to really get all of it. 

“What are you doing?” he croaks, indignantly, but he doubts he sounds as scandalised as he should. 

Because the intent look in Kylo’s eyes, and the feeling of his tongue on his skin, is rapidly making heat pool in Hux’s groin. He bites his lip, his face going red, as warm desire shoots through his body. The place where Kylo’s tongue is licking his fingers is tingling pleasantly, and the contact sends shivers through his body. He tries to pull away again, though weakly this time, not really meaning it. 

The display is shameful. It’s downright dirty, with Kylo’s eyes half closed, his lips obscenely red. It’s the most breathtaking thing Hux has ever seen. 

“Ew, Ben, what the fuck,” Rey says. 

Kylo grins, licking Hux’s finger one last time before letting him go. Rey chucks a piece of candy at him that hits the side of his head and then falls to the floor, but Kylo doesn’t pay attention to it. He keeps looking at Hux, who has temporarily lost his ability to speak. He’s sure that if he opened his mouth right now, nothing coherent would come out. 

“You alright there, babe?” Kylo asks. 

Hux releases a shaky breath and nods. 

Kylo nods. “Good.” 

Then he leans forward, closes the distance between them, and kisses Hux. 

His mouth opens immediately, and Hux licks into him, pressing his tongue against Kylo’s, feeling the wet heat of him. He tastes sweet, like icing, and it’s a heady thing. Hux grips the edge of his chair so hard his knuckles hurt, to avoid flinging himself into Kylo’s lap, because he tastes so good, and he smells so good, and he’s sucking on Hux’s lips, and Hux feels close to exploding. He wants to devour Kylo, be devoured in return, and he can’t help but smile when he nibbles on Kylo’s lower lip and earns a satisfied groan for his efforts. 

Truth be told, he’d been a little scared. Yesterday, when he’d thought Kylo would kiss him for real, but Kylo hugged him instead, he’d thought Kylo must have figured it out for sure. The way Hux had leaned into him was so damn obvious, he’d wanted to kick himself afterwards. Surely, Kylo must have realised then, and he probably wouldn’t want to kiss Hux anymore if he knew how much Hux wanted him. 

But it wasn’t awkward between them after, and it definitely isn’t awkward between them now, and Hux is beyond grateful for that. 

What he wants more than anything is to keep kissing Kylo, but when another piece of candy comes flying at them, this one hitting him right on the ear, he breaks away from the kiss with a chuckle. 

His chest is heaving, and so is Kylo’s. He looks ruffled, and the sight sends another spark of arousal through Hux’s gut. He glances away, because he knows if he keeps looking at Kylo, he’s going to kiss him again, and he really shouldn’t. He shouldn’t get used to this, shouldn’t keep letting himself be pulled in by Kylo. 

“Can’t you be disgusting somewhere else?” Rey asks. 

Her nose is wrinkled distastefully. There’s only about half of her gingerbread house still left, and crumbs and icing are smeared around her mouth. There’s even some of it on her forehead. Hux isn’t sure he wants to know how she managed to get that there. 

Kylo bends down to pick the candy she threw at him back up and throw it back at her. It bounces off her cheek, and she glares at him, before putting it into her mouth, like it wasn’t on the floor mere seconds before. 

“You’re just jealous because you’re single,” he says with an air of superiority. 

Rey rolls her eyes, then smirks at Kylo, one corner of her mouth pulling up mischievously. 

“Actually, I’m not,” she says. 

Kylo’s eyes widen, and he leans forward, but Rey isn’t looking at him anymore. She’s back to putting more icing onto her gingerbread house, though it really seems to be beyond saving. 

“What do you mean, you’re not?” Kylo asks, disbelieving. 

Rey ignores him. 

“Hey! Rey! What do you mean, you’re not? Not single? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

She keeps ignoring him, and Poe and Finn snigger. Hux chuckles too. He has to admit that there’s something ironic about this situation, and that’s kind of hilarious. 

As Kylo keeps trying to get Rey to talk, Hux finally goes back to his gingerbread house. It’s slightly crooked, but hasn’t fallen apart, so that’s something at least. He still has to attach the roof, and then add some decoration. And as he gets to work, he realizes that this really is kind of fun. Who would have thought, huh? 

***

The rest of the day passes in a similar fashion. Even after they’re done with their gingerbread houses, some of them more successful than others, they keep sitting together, talking and laughing. It’s nice. Not as tense as the days before. Hux can feel himself warming to these people, even though he doesn’t want to. And Kylo keeps touching him, comfortably, almost like it’s normal, and it’s so easy to relax into that comfort. It makes Hux feel warmed from the inside out, all of this. 

(Which makes it even worse that it’s all going to end soon, but he tries not to think about that. He doesn’t think about it at all.) 

In the end, only Hux and Finn manage to build houses that don’t collapse. Poe’s is somewhat broken, but still looks acceptable. Kylo’s house is a complete mess. Rey has eaten hers entirely. When it gets darker outside, the time for dinner drawing near, Leia recruits them all to help prepare the food, and they clean up the mess they made. 

The kitchen is crowded with six people trying to cook, and Hux isn’t sure any of them are even remotely helpful, but it’s also fun, and Leia turns the radio up, so they end up singing along to Christmas songs. It’s quite possibly the most ridiculous thing Hux has ever done in his life. But his heart feels light, in a way it usually never does, and Kylo grins at him, this wide, blinding smile, absolutely dazzling, and Hux wouldn’t want to exchange that for anything. 

When they’re finally settling down for dinner, Hux starts to understand why the table is so huge. 

There are  _ a lot _ of people. 

And there are still a few empty seats. It’s already loud and overwhelming, and Hux absolutely does not want to think about how it might be if every seat was taken. 

One of the guests, a tall, slender woman with lavender hair and an imposing aura, must have arrived while he was busy building gingerbread houses and getting his fingers licked by Kylo. She watches Hux with sharp eyes as he takes a seat next to Kylo and scoots his chair as close to him as possible. 

“Who’s that young man, dear?” she asks Kylo, without taking her eyes off Hux. 

Kylo, already busy grabbing the various dishes and piling them to a frankly ridiculous mountain on his plate, doesn’t even look up as he answers.

“He’s my boyfriend. Hux, this is my Aunt Amilyn, Aunt Ami, this is Hux.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Hux says, trying not to sound strained. He considers offering his hand across the table, but then decides against it, because it would seem overeager and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself. 

Amilyn nods, props her elbow up on the table and leans her chin on her hand. She’s still looking at Hux, head tilted to the side, manicured fingernails drumming against her cheek idly. It’s unnerving, to say the least. Her expression is inscrutable. 

Finally, she smiles, a tiny, almost imperceptible expression, but it’s enough that Hux has to hold back from visibly breathing a sigh of relief. The slight sparkle in her eyes tells him she knows anyway. Then she turns away and busies herself with filling up her plate, and Hux does allow himself to sigh. 

While dishes are passed around, he’s introduced to the two men he saw earlier, Kylo’s uncles Lando and Chewie. He doesn’t know how they’re related, kind of doubts they are, in fact, but doesn’t question it. They’re nice, which is what probably matters most, and Chewie greets him especially enthusiastically. Hux is suddenly very glad that he’s sitting a few seats away, because he has the strong feeling that Chewie is the kind of person who likes giving hugs, and Hux would really prefer not to be wrapped up in his hairy arms. 

Everyone starts eating, but the conversations don’t stop. Quite the opposite, actually. Hux is slightly amazed by this family’s ability to talk so much all the time. 

While Kylo catches up with his uncles, he puts his hand on Hux’s thigh again and again, and Hux tries not to visibly shiver every time, because he likes it so much. To make things worse, or better, maybe, Kylo keeps leaning over to steal quick kisses, which absolutely shouldn’t leave Hux as breathless as it does. To distract himself, and to stop Kylo from kissing him every few seconds, he shovels more food into his mouth than he should, and picks up a conversation with Amilyn. 

She’s impressive in a way he can’t quite grasp, and he finds that he likes her more than he would have anticipated. 

It’s nice, talking to her and eating delicious food and having Kylo near. All of this is nice, so much better than he could have ever dreamed of, and Hux allows himself to get lost in it all. These people seem to genuinely like him, and even Rey, Finn and Poe aren’t glaring at him anymore, which he counts as a win. He doesn’t have the urge to snarl at them, either, a development that is wholly unexpected, but not something he’s going to complain about. 

“You know, I’m really glad you came along, kid. Was a bit sceptical at first, but you’re a good one,” Han says to him at one point, and Hux feels his cheeks redden as everyone around the table nods in agreement. 

Kylo smiles at him, a bright, gorgeous thing, as if to say that he’s glad too. There’s really nothing Hux can do except smile back, his chest feeling warm, and he reaches for Kylo’s hand on his thigh and squeezes.

“I just hope your family isn’t too mad we stole you away for the holidays,” Luke adds with a laugh.

Hux snorts derisively, surprising himself with the sound, and everyone else around him. They’re all staring at him, frowning at the sudden outburst. His heart rate is skyrocketing for an entirely different reason now, a blush of shame creeping up his neck. He looks down at his plate so he doesn’t have to look at everyone’s faces. 

“You don’t have to worry about that,” he says, trying, despite everything, to sound sure of himself, to not mumble, but there’s a bitterness to his words he can’t suppress.

Nobody says anything. For a moment that feels like ages, he keeps looking at his food, and everyone keeps looking at him - he can feel it, their stares of confusion. It’s not their fault, really. Luke hasn’t said anything wrong per se. It’s a totally reasonable concern, probably, and an even more reasonable joke, but he can’t help his reaction.

They’re probably all waiting for an explanation, because this is unusual behaviour. Hux knows he could theoretically say that he doesn’t want to talk about it, which is true; he really, really doesn’t want to talk about it. But he also doesn’t want them to think bad of him, for whatever reason, and he knows they will come to the wildest conclusions if he doesn’t explain himself right away. 

It’s stupid, maybe, that he still wants to impress Kylo’s family. He’ll never see them again, can probably avoid the three musketeers on campus if he tries hard enough. So it’s not like any of this  _ matters. _ Except it does, somehow. 

He takes a deep breath, steels himself, then looks up. 

“It’s just that my… family and I aren’t… particularly close.” 

That’s an understatement if he’s ever heard one, and his lips twist in a wry smile, devoid of happiness. Instead of giving anyone the opportunity to ask uncomfortable questions, Hux decides to just go ahead and say it right away, so they can all move on with their evening. 

“My father and I aren’t on speaking terms. He’s not happy about my sexuality, and has made it very clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me if I continue to partake in this  _ lifestyle _ . My mother is dead, and I don’t have any other family members. So, no, you’re definitely not stealing me away.” 

He makes an effort to not look down, or blink, or cower. There’s tense silence, and he watches as a myriad of emotions flit across the faces around the table. Kylo’s hand squeezes his tightly, and he chances a look at him. He’s smiling, still, though it’s sad now. Something clenches in Hux’s chest, and he squeezes back, suddenly immensely grateful for the touch, for the support. This is one of his most vulnerable sides, laid bare for everyone around the table, and still, Kylo is standing by his side, hasn’t turned away yet, despite knowing Hux so deeply. It’s a wonder, how he hasn’t scared Kylo off yet, and the moment when he does will inevitably arrive, probably sooner rather than later, with how hard it is to keep all his feelings bottled up. But for now, he still has Kylo, and that makes even this, the ugly details of his family life and sharing them with people he barely knows, somehow bearable. 

“Well,” Leia finally breaks the silence. Hux turns towards her. She’s watching him the same way she did when they were baking together, with pity, yes, but also something else, something that makes him feel not quite as bad, something that makes him feel understood. “For what it’s worth, you’re part of this family now, honey.” 

Hux smiles, can’t hold it back, wide and honest. This might be one of the most wonderful things anyone has ever said to him. It’s also, at the same time, one of the worst things anyone has ever said to him. 

Everyone else agrees, enthusiastically, and he mumbles his thanks, grips Kylo’s hand tighter to ground himself. His heart feels like it’s breaking. It hurts to breathe. While the conversation picks up around him again, Hux tries to keep the smile up on his face, to ignore the burning in his eyes, because no matter what Leia or anyone else says: He’s not part of the family, and he won’t be. They got it all wrong, and none of this is what it looks like, and it’ll all be over soon. This whole nice family act, that isn’t something he gets to have. Especially not with Kylo’s family. 

As much as he tries to get a grip on himself, his breath keeps quickening, which is never a good sign. With every passing minute, the urge to gnaw his lip raw, to scratch open his palms gets bigger, and that’s actually a really fucking terrible sign, because it means he’s close to losing his shit. 

Salvation comes in the form of dessert. When the main course is finished off, he sees an opportunity to excuse himself from the table for a minute, and flees towards the back porch as fast as he can. 

It’s freezing outside. He’s not wearing his coat, or shoes, and the cold seeps through his jumper in seconds. Hux crosses his arms over his chest to fend off at least some of it, but it doesn’t really work. He shivers. His bottom lip is quivering. Fuck. 

He kind of wishes he had a cigarette with him, but he doesn’t, and he also doubts Kylo would appreciate the taste of tobacco very much. But now he doesn’t have anything to distract himself. The cold winter air and the glistening snow don’t do anything to calm in down. They only make the stinging in his eyes worse, which is just fucking wonderful. Exactly what he needs. 

Hux takes a deep breath, but it’s shaky as hell, and when he releases it, his breath hitches, traitorously. He bites his bottom lip, tries to control himself, but it doesn’t work. The cold is numbing his face, but he can still feel the wetness on his cheeks as tears start falling from his eyes. 

“Fuck,” he mumbles, wiping the tears from his face with his sleeve. It makes no difference; he’s properly crying now, whether he wants it ot not. Which he definitely doesn’t. He’s been way too emotional this whole trip, and he doesn’t like it at all. 

Despite the fact that he’s shivering so hard his teeth are chattering, he doesn’t turn around and go back inside. It’d be embarrassing if everyone would see him like this, face red and swollen and wet. It’s already bad enough that this is happening at all, he doesn’t need any witnesses for his breakdown. 

Of course, because the universe is cruel and seems to hate him, personally, just as he lets out a sob he can’t bite back, the door behind him opens. Hux jumps and turns towards the intruder almost on instinct, then berates himself for it immediately. But it’s only Leia. His shoulders slump, the defensiveness draining from him. It’s not that he likes crying in front of her, it’s just that she’s seen him do it before, and that makes it not as bad, somehow. He still dreads whatever she’s going to say. 

“Oh no, honey, what’s wrong?” she asks, concerned, and quickly takes a step towards him, puts her hand on his shoulder without hesitation. 

Hux shakes his head and doesn’t look at her. “It’s nothing.” 

“If it was nothing, you wouldn’t be crying, huh?” she asks. 

Despite his tears, he chuckles. She’s not wrong. It takes him a moment to sort through his thoughts, to land on an explanation that he can give her without spilling his guts.

“I’m just… a little overwhelmed, is all,” he mumbles, just loud enough for her to hear. 

She hums, considering. “Is it because of what I said? About you being part of the family?” 

There’s a lump in his throat, suddenly, and he can only nod, because there are new tears threatening to choke him. 

“Oh, honey, that wasn’t my intention at all. If you’re uncomfortable with that, I won’t say it again. But I want you to know that, whatever happens, you’re welcome here. Alright?” 

Her words only make him choke up more, so he just nods again. Leia nods too, and then tugs him into a hug that is much stronger than he would have thought her capable of. He has to duck down to wrap his arms around her, but he does, probably surprising her with the gesture as much as he surprises himself. But it feels good to be comforted by her. And even though Hux would like to believe her, what she says is simply not true. He won’t be back after this week is over, and by god, he’s going to take everything he can while he’s still here. 

It takes him a while to get his heaving breath under control again, for his tears to stop flowing. When he disentangles himself from Leia, she smiles at him, and Hux meekly smiles back. 

“We better go inside again. There’s dessert and eggnog waiting for us,” she says, and Hux chuckles. 

He wipes his face dry with his sleeve and hopes that he doesn’t look as pathetic as he feels. Leia gives him another encouraging smile and pats him on the cheek before turning around and opening the door. Only when he steps back into the warmth of the house does he notice how thoroughly chilled through he is. 

While Leia enters the dining room again, Hux makes a small detour to the bathroom to splash some water into his face, trying to make himself at least somewhat presentable. The redness of his face could be explained by the cold, but his glassy eyes are still much too obvious for his taste. There’s nothing he can do about that right now, though, and Leia was right: He doesn’t want to miss out on dessert. 

Taking one last deep breath, Hux leaves the bathroom behind and steels himself before entering the dining room.

Nobody really notices him entering, which is a giant relief. They’re all engrossed in conversations, and have already begun digging into their dessert. As promised, there are multiple bottles of what looks like selfmade eggnog on the table, all of them already opened. Hux’s heart may or may not skip a beat at the sight of them. He can’t remember ever being so glad about alcohol in his life. 

He tries to be as unsuspicious as possible as he takes his seat again, but Kylo fixes him with a concerned look as soon as he’s made himself comfortable. 

“Where were you? Are you alright? I was worried because you just left,” Kylo says, hushed, so nobody can hear him. 

At Kylo’s concerned voice, Hux can immediately feel guilt creeping up inside him. Kylo is looking at him intently, cataloguing his face carefully as if he’s looking for anything out of place. His gaze stops at Hux’s eyes, undoubtedly still red, and he furrows his brows. 

“Sorry,” Hux mumbles, and it’s not even a lie. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I just stepped outside for a moment, but everything’s alright.” 

Kylo still looks unsure and leans forwards, raising a hand and putting it on Hux’s cheek. It’s warm against his still cold skin, and he leans into the touch on instinct. 

“Really, it’s nothing,” Hux insists, and gives Kylo a small, reassuring smile. 

Kylo hums, strokes his thumb under Hux’s eye, carefully. 

“Alright,” he says, still not sounding entirely convinced, but not arguing, either. 

Hux allows himself to smile wider, an inevitable bodily reaction to Kylo’s gentle touch. Kylo is very close to him, radiating warmth, and his lips look as inviting as they always do. Without thinking about it too much, Hux leans forwards and captures them in a slow kiss. 

The surprised sound Kylo makes is almost immediately muffled, and he leans into Hux without hesitation. It’s easy, now, practiced, their movements in sync, and it still sends sparks up Hux’s spine. Remarkable, really, how fast he’s become used to this, and also how fast they’ve become good at it. There’s just something about kissing Kylo that feels like the most natural thing in the world, and like the most extraordinary thing at the same time.

Though they don’t kiss for long, and there’s no tongue involved, only the soft, slow touch of lips, Hux is breathless when they break apart. He doesn’t open his eyes completely at first, feels dazed and drawn in, wants to lean in again and keep kissing Kylo for a few more hours. Kylo’s eyes are fixed on his mouth, and Hux can’t help but lick his lips, chasing the taste of Kylo. He can see Kylo swallow, heavily, and a shiver runs down his spine. His self control is really running short. It’s going to become a problem very soon. 

“Hey, lovebirds, do you want some eggnog?”

Poe’s voice makes him jump, and he pulls away from Kylo with great difficulty. 

“Yes, please,” Hux says, voice raw in a way he doesn’t like at all, but nobody seems to notice. 

Poe passes him the bottle, and he fills his glass to the brim before passing the bottle on to Kylo. At the first sip, the taste of alcohol is almost overwhelming. Whoever was in charge of making the eggnog, they’ve done a good job. It’s strong. The second sip isn’t as bad anymore, and by the third, he’s almost used to the burn in his throat. The drink really is delicious, sweet and heavy, and maybe he’s just lightheaded from all the crying and kissing, but he could swear his fingertips are already starting to tingle a little. 

And, truth be told, he’s craving a pleasant buzz right now, so without further ado, he downs the rest of his glass and reaches for the bottle again.

***

Hux loses track of the time after that. He keeps refilling his glass, and feels his muscles uncoil and his heart get lighter with every sip. At one point Kylo throws an arm over his shoulder and tugs him closer, and Hux leans against his side, basking in the warmth and closeness. With everyone laughing and talking and enjoying themselves, it’s easier than ever to get lost in the pretense. He doesn’t have it in him to deny himself what he so desperately wants, so he just doesn’t. Allows himself to fall into it instead, get swept up in the moment. 

And he’s not the only one who’s drinking. 

Kylo keeps refilling his glass, too, his laughter getting louder and his smiles sloppier, in the most charming way possible. Hux can’t help but be enamored with this version of Kylo, who gives touches and sweet words even more freely than he usually does, and he lets himself fall into that, too. As time goes by, he leans over to kiss Kylo more and more often, pushing their chairs so close together that their sides are pressed together. Kylo doesn’t protest, just pulls him closer every time, and seems to become more unwilling to pull away again the more they kiss. It’s the most intoxicating realisation ever, and Hux’s entire body erupts into pleasant flames when he notices. 

Staying away from Kylo is really becoming a challenge for him too. The alcohol is making him all tingly and warm, and feeling Kylo close to him makes that tingly warmth even better. Every kiss is like a firework, no matter how short or innocent, and he wants more of it. Can feel a certain kind of hunger grow in his gut, in fact. 

It’s past midnight, and everyone around the table is at least a little bit tipsy, the bottles of eggnog now empty. Everything is kind of fuzzy around the edges, and Hux can feel the flush in his face. He sways a bit in his seat, tries to hold himself upright and slumps further against Kylo in the process. A giggle breaks from his lips, and he grips Kylo’s thigh to steady himself. Kylo giggles too, leaning over Hux and burying his face in his hair. 

“You smell real good,” Kylo whispers, followed by exaggerated sniffing.

Hux giggles even more, pressing his face against Kylo’s throat as much as he’s able to. 

“Thank you. You smell very good too. You also taste really good,” he says, a smirk on his lips, because he just can’t help himself, and he’s divested himself of all his inhibitions over the past few hours. 

Kylo groans, nuzzling Hux’s hair more insistently. “You’re kind of driving me crazy right now, Hux. Do you realize that?”

He hadn't realized that. It hadn't even crossed his mind until now, but it sends the most pleasant shiver up his spine. Hux’s smirk widens, and in a showcase of uncharacteristic braveness, he slides his hand a few inches higher on Kylo’s thigh. There’s a sharp intake of breath, and Hux bites his lip to keep his expression from becoming too mischievous, but he doesn’t stop. Finally, he rests his hand in the crease of Kylo’s thigh, where his pants are bunched up, and drums his fingers softly. He’s teasing, he knows that, and he also knows he would never dare to be so forward if it wasn’t for the alcohol in his system. But hearing Kylo’s groan, muffled by hair, and feeling his arm tense around his back - it’s fun, and it’s thrilling, and encouraging. 

“Fuck, Hux,” Kylo mumbles. 

Hux giggles again, then turns his head slightly, nudges Kylo until he lifts his head and looks Hux in the eye. His cheeks are flushed, mouth hanging open, and his pupils are blown wide. Hux doesn’t miss a beat, leans forward to press his lips against Kylo’s. He flicks his tongue out only briefly, because they’re still surrounded by Kylo’s family. A teasing hand is easily hidden by the table, but he doesn’t want to show all of them how desperate he really is to make out with Kylo right now. So he doesn’t linger, but he does nibble on Kylo’s bottom lip, teasing, before he pulls away with a smirk. 

Kylo chuckles breathlessly, watches him with something akin to surprise for a moment. 

“You’re really something,” he says, finally, and the way he says it sounds like a compliment and it makes Hux flush even more, for some reason. 

He doesn’t answer, but he leaves his hand where it is, resting on Kylo’s thigh, and presses against his side as close as he can without climbing into Kylo’s lap. 

Everything feels good right now. Amazing that this week hasn’t turned out to be a complete disaster after all. It really is a miracle. When they’d arrived here, Hux never would have thought he’d actually feel  _ content _ here, around all these peculiar people, with Kylo so near by. But he’s feeling great at the moment, and he’s talking to people without caring what they think about him, at least for now, and Kylo’s solid body next to him keeps making him smile. Maybe this is all fake, but it’s still good. And he won’t think about what will happen next. He’ll just enjoy this, and pretend it’s real, for the time he has left. 

***

They stumble into the hallway laughing, gripping each other, and almost fall face first onto the stairs as they try to hold themselves upright. At the last second, Hux grips the handrail and leans back against the wall, and Kylo falls against him. They’re chest to chest, and Kylo wordlessly cups Hux’s face in his hands and draws him into a kiss. It tastes like the last of the dessert they’d stuffed into themselves before leaving, too tipsy and too hasty to leave to help clean up. They probably wouldn’t have been helpful anyway. 

Hux tips his head up, lets himself be pressed against the wall, even though the handrail is digging into his back uncomfortably. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is kissing Kylo, and that, he can do. He slips his hands under Kylo’s sweater and rests them at the small of his back, pulling Kylo closer until they’re pressed flush together, touching everywhere. 

He can’t stop smiling. It’s stupid, maybe, to be so happy right now, but he can’t help it. The angle they’re at is kind of awkward, so Kylo’s nose is squished against his cheek, which makes the whole thing sort of funny, and his smile even wider, which in turn makes it harder to keep kissing Kylo. 

Kylo groans, before he pulls back and leans his forehead against Hux’s. They’re so close Hux goes a bit cross eyed trying to look at his face, and it makes him slightly dizzy. He pulls Kylo closer, the smile staying in place. 

“You’re so soft,” Kylo mumbles. 

Hux snorts. “Soft? What?” 

It doesn’t make sense, nothing about him is  _ soft _ , and really, it’s just a weird thing to say. So, totally in character for Kylo. But Kylo just grins and shrugs, then leans down to start mouthing at Hux’s neck. 

He draws in a sharp breath. Feeling Kylo’s plush lips on his skin is unexpected, but it’s absolutely great. His mouth is hot and wet and he presses soft kisses along Hux’s jawline and neck, down to the collar of his sweater and back up again. His tongue occasionally laps at the skin, leaving wet trails all over, and Hux shivers at the contact, his grip on Kylo tightening. He slips one of his hands out from under Kylo’s sweater and tangles it in his hair instead to keep him in place, gives the silky strands a light tug. Kylo muffles a groan against his neck and bites down suddenly, making Hux yelp in surprise. He has to bite down the moan that wants to follow immediately, when Kylo keeps sucking and biting at the same spot. 

The sane part of his brain is trying to tell him that whatever is happening right now is not a good idea. It’s a terrible idea, actually. But the sane part of his brain is very quiet right now, drowned out by the more reckless and infinitely more drunk part that’s screaming about how wonderful everything feels. This part is much more convincing. 

Hux can’t actually bring himself to stop Kylo from sucking a bruise into his skin, because it feels so good, and he wants all of Kylo so much, and there’s so much desire and giddy happiness burning in his body right now. And… he’s been thinking. 

Because, the thing is, he thinks that, perhaps, maybe, eventually, Kylo might be into him too. It’s just an idea, a stupid one, preposterous almost, but. It’s a possibility. Kylo has been touching him all day, much more than the last few days, and as the hours passed by, he seemed downright desperate for more. This might just be the eggnog speaking, but there’s also a tiny voice in his head whispering that he’s not just seeing things, that this could be his chance, that, maybe, he deserves this. This happiness. 

With Kylo nibbling on his neck and pressing against him, it seems more and more likely. 

And, well. He’s just drunk enough to take the risk.

When Kylo moves to another spot and bites down, hard, Hux can’t stop the moan breaking from his lips. He arches against Kylo, tugging on his hair again, harder, and Kylo groans. It’s torture and heaven, the bites and the soothing strokes of Kylo’s tongue right after. The touches send sparks of arousal shooting through Hux’s body. He lets his other hand travel over Kylo’s broad back, feeling the hot skin and muscles.

“Fuck, Hux,” Kylo mumbles, lifts his head and looks at Hux. 

His pupils are blown, gaze heated, and there’s a crooked half-smile on his swollen lips. Hux groans at the sight. It’s downright indecent, and Hux fucking loves it. He tries to tug Kylo’s body even closer, and Kylo goes willingly, pressing close and leaning in for another kiss. This one much more desperate than the ones before. 

It’s wet and messy, lips and tongues and teeth crashing together, and it’s so, so good. When Kylo crowds him even closer against the wall, Hux gasps, because oh.  _ Oh. _

He can feel the hot line of Kylo’s cock through his pants, pressing against him insistently. Fuck. Oh, fuck. This is… something. It’s not like he’s unaffected, quite the opposite, in fact. Just, feeling Kylo’s arousal like this, undeniable, makes him feel heady in an unexpected sort of way. 

Kylo must realize it too, because he moans, twitching his hips forward in what seems like an instinctual movement. Then, he breaks the kiss again, panting heavily. But he doesn’t tilt his hips away. Stays right where he is, hard and insistent and driving Hux absolutely fucking insane. 

“I-” Hux starts. Stops again. He can’t think. He just  _ wants. _

Kylo clears his throat, a rough sound, then looks at Hux, intently. He’s quiet for a few seconds, as if he’s considering something, then his lips quirk up in a smirk Hux can’t help but return, even though he feels shaky all over. 

“Bed?” Kylo asks. 

He cocks his head questioningly, looking unfairly cute. Hux’s breath catches in his throat. It’s a simple enough question, just a single word, yet it absolutely derails every thought he has, turns his brain into a huge mess. He can’t quite believe Kylo wants… 

There’s a loud bang in the kitchen, followed my laughter, that makes him jump. Kylo snorts, and Hux chuckles too, kind of overwhelmed. They’re going to have to move sooner or later anyway, unless they want to be caught making out again. And even though they did agree they should be seen as much as possible, Hux feels protective of this moment, somehow. It feels more private than before. He doesn’t know why. 

Kylo is looking at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised, and there's still the hint of a smirk in the corner of his lips. He looks like he wants to. Hell, he  _ feels _ like he wants Hux, what with his cock still being hard and trapped between their bodies. And god, does Hux want him. He wants Kylo so much. 

“Yes,” he whisper, nodding much more frantically than he’d planned. 

Kylo’s smirk widens into a radiant grin, and Hux smiles back, happiness and giddy excitement making his whole body tingle. Kylo steps away from him, and he feels colder, suddenly, but he is immediately warmed when Kylo grips his hand to tug him up the stairs. 

The only problem is that they’re still quite drunk. Kylo takes one step up the stairs, and immediately loses his balance, nearly knocking Hux over, and Hux laughs as he tries to tug Kylo upright again. He’s swaying on his feet, the hallway seeming a bit blurry around the edges all of a sudden. 

“Fuck,” Kylo mumbles, but he’s laughing too, trying to stagger up the stairs and wobbling dangerously. 

Clutching at each other and nearly falling multiple times, they ascend the stairs. It takes longer than it should, and Hux is starting to feel impatient, can’t wait to get his hands on Kylo again and get touched in return. When they reach the top of the stairs, he almost runs towards the bedroom, Kylo giggling behind him and bumping into him with every step. 

As they reach the door to Kylo’s room, Kylo presses his body against his back, and Hux can feel his erection pressing against his ass. His throat goes dry at the feeling, and he fumbles with the door handle before he finally gets it open. 

And then they’re stumbling into the room, and Kylo kicks the door shut, and they’re finally alone. 

Hux is on Kylo as soon as they’re inside, grabbing his face in both hands and pulling him into a bruising kiss. Kylo makes a surprised sound, but doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate, grabbing Hux’s hip with one hand and tangling the other one in his hair. 

It’s more desperate now, fumbling, almost, and Hux is trying to figure out how to get Kylo on the bed without having to stop kissing him. He tries to steer Kylo in the direction of the bed, but their feet are in the way, and they end up staggering a few steps, nearly falling down again. A chuckle breaks from his lips, immediately muffled by Kylo, who is enthusiastically licking into his mouth. Not that he’s complaining about that. Quite the opposite, actually.

Suddenly, Kylo breaks away from him, panting, and Hux finds himself chasing after his lips, ready to protest. But then Kylo reaches down and pulls his sweater over his head. His chest is gloriously broad and gloriously naked. For a moment, Hux can’t do anything but stare. He’s fairly certain his brain is short-circuiting right now. The sight of Kylo’s muscled chest is making his mouth water, and that’s not even an understatement. 

“Fuck,” he breathes, and then he grips Kylo again. 

While they kiss, he lets his hands roam over the newly exposed skin freely. He can’t believe he gets to touch Kylo. It feels a little bit like a dream. His skin is hot and soft, and Hux can feel the muscle moving underneath. As he strokes Kylo’s pectorals, his knees get a little weak. He’s pretty certain Kylo could lift him up like he weighs nothing, and wouldn’t that be something… 

He groans, a depraved sound, and Kylo answers in kind, grabbing his ass and pulling them flush together. Heat spreads through Hux’s body as he feels Kylo’s cock rubbing up against him again. With his hands still on Kylo’s chest, he pushes him towards the bed, steps somewhat unsteady. 

He isn’t sure he’s leading them in the right direction, because he’s still unwilling to let go of Kylo, but then Kylo yelps in surprise and stumbles backwards onto the bed. His eyes are wide, shocked, and he looks at Hux in confusion before he chuckles. Laid out on the bed like this, with his chest bare, hair mussed and his cock tenting his sweatpants, Kylo really is a sight to behold. And as much as Hux just wants to touch him again, he has to stop for a moment and just… look. He’s tried to look away from Kylo for so long, he’s going to let himself enjoy the sight now. He deserves that.

“Hux, come here,” Kylo whines, making grabby hands at him, which looks truly ridiculous, considering his size. 

Hux rolls his eyes at him, smiling, but complies. With quick steps and trying not to trip over his own feet, he walks towards the bed and climbs on top of Kylo. 

“Better?” he asks, grin still in place. 

Kylo nods, smiling back at him. It makes his hearts jumo in his chest. 

“Yes, much better.” 

Slowly, Kylo puts his hands on Hux’s thighs and drags them upwards. His hands are big, Hux knows that, but seeing how much of his legs they span takes his breath away. He wants them all over him - and he can’t quite believe that he’s going to get that. Kylo’s hands keep wandering, up until he’s touching Hux’s hips, and then he slips his fingers under Hux’s sweater, drawing circles on his skin, his waist and back. 

“Can I take that off?” Kylo asks, voice hushed, eyes blown wide. 

Hux bites his lip and nods. Something lights up in Kylo’s eyes, and it makes Hux burn from the inside out. He can’t believe Kylo wants to see him, that Kylo really wants this…

Kylo tugs the sweater up slowly, and more gentle than anticipated. Hux lifts his arms so that Kylo can lift the garment off, breathless, but then, just as his face is surrounded by fabric, he can feel the sweater getting tangled around his arms. He can’t see anything, but Kylo tugs at it before cursing under his breath and sitting up, nearly throwing Hux off his lap in the process. 

“Shit, sorry, this was supposed to be sexy, and now it really isn’t,” Kylo says, his voice muffled because the sweater is still around Hux’s head. 

He snorts as Kylo carefully moves his arms around and manages to free Hux from the sweater after a few quiet moments. Then, finally, he can see Kylo, who is closer than he had thought. His face is right there. Hux breathes out, slowly, and tries to get his rapidly beating heart under control. It’s not really working. He’s nervous about all of this, and he’s pretty sure Kylo is too. 

“Hello again,” he says, smiling, hoping his nerves don’t show on his face. 

But Kylo only breathes a sigh of relief and smiles too. The sweater lands somewhere on the floor as Kylo tosses it away without looking, and then he settles his hands on Hux’s hips again. It feels different now, to be touched by Kylo, while his chest is bare. The room is warm, and kissing Kylo has left him feeling hot all over, but he still has the urge to cross his arms in front of his chest. No matter how hard he tries to fight it, there’s still some self-consciousness creeping up. Especially now, when the contrast between their bodies is so stark: Kylo broad and build, and his own chest scrawny and pale. How could he not compare them, and how could he not feel bad about himself? 

But Kylo looks him up and down with huge eyes, twinkling in something like amazement, maybe. Lets one hand wander over Hux’s stomach and chest and down again, almost reverently, and unbearably gentle. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” he whispers. 

And, fuck, his words spark a fire in Hux’s chest, fierce and hot, and there’s really nothing he can do except throw his arms around Kylo’s neck and kiss him, needy. All-consuming hunger is overtaking him, and suddenly, everything feels urgent again, and he whines against Kylo’s lips, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth until he hears Kylo moan. 

Then, the desperation is back, all at once. Kylo’s grip on his hips tightens, and Hux arches against him, pressing their groins together. A shock of arousal shoots through his body as he feels Kylo’s erection pressing against his own cock through their clothes. He moans, a choked off sound, and grinds against Kylo again. 

Kylo curses against his lips, and leans back, lowering himself onto the bed and pulling Hux with him. His hands are wandering again, lower, tracing along Hux’s thighs and then settling on his ass and grabbing. He yelps as Kylo starts to knead the flesh and urges him closer, then moans again, breaking away from Kylo’s lips to try and catch his breath a bit. 

Instead of capturing Kylo’s lips with his own again, Hux presses an open mouthed kiss to his cheek, then another one to his jaw, and then to his throat. His own neck is stinging slightly. There’s no doubt going to be a bruise there tomorrow, and he wants to leave his mark on Kylo as well, wants to give as good as he gets. While he mouths along Kylo’s neck, gently teasing the skin with his teeth and tongue, he moves his hips against Kylo, seeking some friction on his cock. He’s achingly hard, trapped in the confines of his underwear and yoga pants, but he can’t be bothered to pull them off right now, because the fabric is just thin enough that he can feel Kylo pressing against, hot and hard and wonderful. 

“Oh shit, Hux, please don’t stop, please…” Kylo whines above him, the words slurred somewhat by pleasure. 

He cants his hips up, meeting Hux on the next push, and they both groan. It may be simple, and a little bit clumsy, but it feels so good: Kylo’s skin between his teeth, tasting like sweat and the faint remains of the soap he uses, Kylo’s clothed cock rubbing against his, Kylo’s big hands roughly kneading his ass, almost covering him completely, and god, what else he could do with those fingers of his. Fuck. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t stop,” he mumbles, quiet enough that he’s not sure Kylo actually hears it, and then he bites down on Kylo’s neck, hard. 

With a shout, Kylo arches up against him, curses as he tightens his grip on Hux and pulls him close, making Hux groan too. They move together rhythmically, panting as Hux keeps rutting against Kylo. He’s leaking inside his pants, but he can’t be bothered to undress, and it doesn’t seem to bother Kylo either. Every moment without touching each other would be too long, too agonizing, so they just keep going like this, impatient, messy. 

There’s sweat gathering along Hux’s hairline, and he’s panting, but he doesn’t want to stop now. He keeps rolling his hips against Kylo, seeking that delectable friction, and a broken moan falls from his lips. He’s getting close, pleasure building up inside of him, making his body tingle from head to toe. As he grinds down particularly urgently, Kylo moans too, and Hux wants nothing more than to hear that sound again. Amazing, really, that he’s the reason Kylo is coming undone like this; sweaty and frenzied. With his head thrown back against the pillow, dark hair strewn around him like a halo, his face flushed and lips bitten red, he looks downright indecent, and Hux wants to drink in the sight, the feel of his body underneath him, forever. 

“Fuck, I think I’m close, Hux…” Kylo gasps, urging him on, rocking his hips up and meeting Hux. 

“Yes, me too,” he answers, breathless. 

Then he surges up and kisses Kylo again, open mouthed, because he absolutely cannot resist. Kylo licks into him willingly, though they’re both panting so heavily it’s almost impossible to kiss. Hux doesn’t care, just keeps kissing Kylo, one hand propped on the bed beside him, one hand resting on his chest, fingers pinching his nipple, teasing. 

Suddenly, Kylo grips Hux’s ass so hard it almost hurts, moaning unabashedly, and pulls Hux close, pushing against him frantically, muscles tightened. His face contorts in pleasure, and Hux is blown away by the sight, by the feeling of Kylo shaking and twitching underneath him. He’s not sure, but he could swear he can feel Kylo’s cock pulsing as he comes, even through the layers separating them, and that brings him over the edge, too, grinding against Kylo as his orgasm overtakes him. 

Hux lays there, shivers wrecking his body, making a mess of his pants, surely, but it’s such a blissful feeling, drowning out everything else. It takes him a moment to come back to himself, everything feeling hazy and nice. Aftershocks are still rippling through his body, making him gasp as he lifts his head to look at Kylo. His eyes are, surprisingly, open, and don’t seem clouded at all. There’s a lazy smile on his lips, expression blissed out, and Hux can’t help but smile too. 

“That was…” Kylo starts, then stops, seemingly at a loss for words. 

Hux chuckles, nods. “Yes.” 

Because he doesn’t quite have the words either, and it’s clear what Kylo means anyway. He feels great. Truly, completely amazing. Every nerve in his body seems to tingle, and he’s pleasantly warm from the inside out. His heart is racing, and there’s sweat sticking to his skin, and there’s also the matter of the come drying in his pants, but he doesn’t care about any of that. The only thing that matters is the fluttering sensation in his stomach, and the way Kylo is looking at him, with wide, sparkling eyes, a look of amazement on his face. 

Kylo’s grip on his ass loosens, and he spreads his hands, strokes over the Hux’s back and up until he’s holding Hux’s face in his hands. They’re even warmer than usually, and the soft touches send shivers down Hux’s spine.

“Come here,” Kylo mumbles, then pulls Hux in and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. 

It’s so easy to get lost in the movement, to trace his tongue over Kylo’s lips, almost lazy now, and a little bit sloppy. While they kiss, Hux tries to catch his breath, and he can feel his eyelids get heavier. It must be long after midnight by now. 

Their movements get slower, and none of them makes a move get up and change out of their sullied clothing. There’s still the remnants of alcohol clouding Hux’s brain, now mixed with the pleasant drowsiness of pleasure, and he really just wants to stay in the bed with Kylo. So that’s what he does. 

After what feels like ages but is probably only a few minutes, but still definitely too early, Kylo gently pushes him away to pull the blanket over them. He yawns, then chuckles and looks at Hux like he’s the happiest person in the world right now. Hux can definitely relate. There’s something open, almost vulnerable about Kylo’s gaze, and Hux isn’t quite sure what it means, but he smiles at him anyway, a gentle thing, reassuring, hopefully. He reaches out and strokes Kylo’s cheek as he cuddles close, Kylo’s arm going around his waist to pull him in so they can settle against each other. Kylo nudges his nose against Hux’s affectionately, eyes half closed. And maybe Hux doesn’t understand what exactly is going on in Kylo’s head, or what exactly is going on between them right now. But as Kylo looks at him and holds him close, it all feels wonderfully, damningly real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content warnings:** Mentions of Hux's dead mother. Mentions of Brendol's terrible parenting & homophobia. Hux and Kylo engage in sexual activity while drunk, but it's very enthusiastically consensual. 
> 
> So! Here we go again! I can't believe there are only two chapters left now, wow.  
> Thank you all so much for reading along until this point!  
> The next chapter will be up in two weeks. 
> 
> As always, if you want to chat, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair)!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings are down in the end notes!

A loud bang rips Kylo from a deep, dreamless slumber. As he jerks awake, the first thing he notices is the painful pounding in his head. Everything hurts, and the world feels like it’s spinning in circles around him, and for a short, horrible moment, his stomach churns so badly he thinks he might have to vomit everything out. 

When that moment passes, he notices that his underwear is sticking to his dick rather uncomfortably. It feels suspiciously like dried come is flaking off his skin, which is a very particular kind of unpleasantness, and he wrinkles his nose at the sensation. 

Then, Kylo realizes that Hux is draped halfway over him, snoring a little, and that he’s shirtless. They both are, in fact. And, uh, that’s a little weird, maybe. 

But then the events of last night come rushing back to him, and all of this makes sense. 

Well. Kind of. 

There’s another bang on the door, followed by a shout. 

“Ben, wake up! Or we’re going to start opening presents without you!” 

Rey’s voice is very loud, and it’s way too early for her to be this chipper. Kylo groans, drags a hand across this face. 

“Go away!” he shouts back, his voice croaky. 

“Hurry up!” she retorts, but after a few seconds he can hear her steps retreating and then thundering down the stairs. 

He groans again and shifts in the bed, trying to wake Hux up as gently as possible. Now that Rey’s gone, and the room is silent, and his brain is slowly starting to work again, he can feel panic rising inside him. There’s a nervous fluttering in his stomach, one that doesn’t have anything to do with his hangover. 

He and Hux got off together last night. That’s really a whole step further than kissing. And he’s not sure what to make of it now. Sure, he enjoyed it tremendously, and he’s pretty sure Hux did too. Despite the copious amounts of eggnog he drank, his memory isn’t muddled. But there’s still uncertainty gathering in his mind, and the pain in his head isn’t making it any better. 

By the time Hux starts stirring, Kylo has worked himself up into a frenzy. The proximity to Hux feels like too much, all of a sudden, when last night, he couldn’t get enough of it. Right now, he just wants to leave and be alone with his thoughts for a few minutes. He needs to shower anyway, god only knows why he decided it would be a good idea to go to sleep without cleaning up first. He’s uncomfortable and annoyed, and he isn’t even properly awake yet. What a wonderful start into the day. 

“Hmm, Kylo?” Hux mumbles, his eyes still mostly close, as he starts regaining consciousness. 

Kylo tenses as Hux’s hand strokes over his chest before he moves away to stretch and yawn. The touch feels damning, in a way he can’t describe, and would rather not dwell on, but it’s all he can think about, suddenly: Touching Hux, or not touching him, and the way his heart speeds up as he watches the adorable way Hux scrunches his face up, and how that’s a really scary feeling. 

Fuck. 

When he doesn’t respond, Hux frowns and opens his eyes properly. He looks sleepy, and a bit annoyed at being woken up, and wonderfully ruffled, but Kylo can’t look at him. It’s too much, having to look at Hux and think about what they did. They’ll have to move forward from this, and Kylo doesn’t have a clue how he’s going to do that. 

He sits up much too fast and it sends the world spinning again, makes his stomach protest. His fingertips tingle, and his whole body is tense. He needs to leave. Now. 

“Good morning,” Hux says, sounding confused, but Kylo can’t be sure, because he’s not looking at him. 

“Morning,” he responds. His voice sounds tense to his own ears, and there’s no doubt Hux notices it too. 

The blankets shift and rustle behind him, and then Hux is sitting up too, peering at him curiously. 

“Is everything alright?” he asks, and now he sounds tense, too, kind of apprehensive. 

Hux slowly reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Before Hux can touch him, Kylo flinches away. There’s a flash of… something on Hux’s face before he lets his hand drop onto the bed, fingers tangling in the blanket between them. Something in Kylo’s chest hurts, and he crosses his arms, turns his head away. 

“Yes. Everything’s great.” 

He doesn’t sound very convincing. Hux definitely doesn’t believe him. But Kylo can’t explain what’s going on. Hell, he doesn’t understand it himself. He’s… confused, and angry, and scared, and hungover as hell. A truly wonderful mixture, really. 

Hux moves beside him, and before he can make another attempt at comforting Kylo, he stands up, abruptly enough to almost bring himself off balance. He tumbles over to his bag, starts rummaging around for clean underwear and another pair of sweatpants, because he needs to get rid of these ones as soon as possible. 

“I, uh, I’m going to go shower upstairs again, so you can, uh, clean up or whatever, so…” Kylo stammers. 

His face is flaming red. This is possibly amongst the most embarrassing moments of his life. He’s only blabbering bullshit, and the awkwardness in the room is tangible. Moving past this is going to be extraordinarily difficult, if not impossible. Fuck, he doesn’t even want to think about that. He’s not sure he could survive without Hux in his life, and just the thought that he might have ruined their friendship because he was so eager to get off is absolutely horrible. He can’t let this ruin everything. He  _ can’t _ . 

Kylo stands up again, gathering his clothes and toiletries to his chest, and braces himself before turning around. Hux is still sitting on the bed, legs crossed. He’s looking right at Kylo, his hair hanging into his face, and there’s a tightness around his mouth and eyes that is unnerving. His gaze is expectant, and his eyes are very wide. 

Kylo clears his throat and fights the urge to glance away again. 

“This doesn’t have to be weird, right?” he asks, and then he does glance away despite his best efforts, because looking at Hux is too much right now. 

“What?” 

Hux’s voice sounds strange. Strangled. 

“You know. This. Everything. Just because we… Well, I just mean, we’re still friends, right? And it doesn’t have to be weird.” 

There’s silence. Kylo chances a look at Hux, but Hux is looking away now. He’s gnawing on his lip, not meeting Kylo’s eye, instead fixating on a spot somewhere to his right. 

“Of course,” Hux whispers after a few tense moments. 

Kylo breathes a sigh of relief. That’s good. That’s great. So why is there a painful pang in his chest? And why is the anxious tingling still there? 

“Nice!, he says, maybe too overly enthusiastic, but he doesn’t care. He needs to get out of here. Right now. Without waiting for Hux to respond, he turns around and flees. 

***

The shower does not help. At all. 

As he scrubs the remainders of their late night adventures from his body, he feels kind of terrible. Not because he regrets it. No. He doesn’t regret it at all. But there are so many thoughts and emotions whirling around inside his head, and all of them are scary. 

Hux is the only friend he has. He doesn’t want to lose him. Not because of some… stupid urge, not because of these weird feelings he’s having right now. This is literally the last thing he needs right now. Hux is his  _ friend _ . Kylo can’t be- 

No. 

He can’t. 

He isn’t. 

Being alone with his thoughts proves to make everything even worse, so Kylo hurries up with getting himself clean and dresses as fast as he can. He stops by his room to get the haphazardly wrapped presents he got for his family. As he’s walking downstairs, apprehension starts churning in his gut. The pounding in his head is worse than it was before, and it’s making him kind of irritable, and he’s sure he’s panicking. Who is he kidding, he’s definitely panicking. All of this is just… a lot. And his headache is only making things worse. 

The day has barely started, and it’s already shit. 

When he enters the living room, everyone else is already there, sitting on the floor around the Christmas tree. There are colourful wrapped packages beneath the tree, and this very particular anticipation hanging in the air, one that is reserved only for Christmas Day. Kylo deposits the presents under the tree and massages his temples. The animated chatter is making his headache worse, and he frowns, irritated.

The only free spot is next to Hux, which fills him with more apprehension than it should. Hux’s hair is damp, hanging into his face, so he must have showered too, and that thought makes Kylo’s face flush. He tries not to think about Hux showering, but it’s kind of hard, now that he knows what Hux looks like shirtless. As he allows himself to look at him a little closer, he notices that Hux looks vaguely uncomfortable for no discernable reason. It makes Kylo feel uncomfortable in turn. 

He sits down on the floor, but leaves a very deliberate space between them, as much as he can without seeming suspicious. Hux frowns at him in concern, and Kylo feels a little bad, but he mostly feels annoyed by everything and ready to go back to bed. So he averts his eyes, tries to ignore Hux and the guilty churning in his stomach, and everything else that’s going on in his head. 

“What took you so long? We’re all just waiting for you!”

Rey’s voice is probably the last thing he wants to hear right now. It’s not even a bad question, but she’s already grating on his nerves, judging him once again. 

Kylo crosses his arms over his chest and tugs his knees close to his body. 

“You could have started without me,” he mutters, barely looking at her. 

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, long enough that he does raise his head and looks at her. Rey is frowning at him, her mouth turned down at the corners. It raises his hackles immediately, the way she’s looking at him: Disapproving, and searching, as if she’s trying to crack his skull open and take a good long look at the mess inside. 

“What’s up with you? Why are you so grumpy?” she asks. 

Kylo groans. He can’t help it. “I’m not grumpy.” 

Rey raises her arm, pointing her finger at him accusingly. 

“Yes, you are! What’s going on, Ben?” 

And the name does it. It’s too much, all at once, and he throws his hands up, rolls his eyes, can’t control the outbreak anymore. 

“God, Rey, can you just shut up? Leave me alone, for fuck’s sake!” he snaps at her, loud. 

After, he breathes heavily, and it takes him a moment to realise everyone is staring at him in shock. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen, and now he’s done it again, now he’s ruined everything just because he can’t control himself. 

“Jesus, calm down,” Rey mutters, but that only makes it worse. 

He wants to shout at her, wants to punch something, maybe, to get rid of the frustration inside of him, and he wants them all to not look at him this way anymore, so disappointed. His breath starts coming in harsh pants, and he curls tighter into himself. He feels panicky again, and just overall bad, and nobody is saying anything now, they’re all just watching him, but he feels like he’s spiralling, and everything is fucking terrible and he doesn’t- he can’t- 

“Hey, Kylo, look at me. Are you alright?” 

Hux’s voice is softer than Kylo thought it would be, after the awkwardness this morning. He glances over at Hux, who’s looking at him with concern. He reaches out for Kylo again, because they’ve been doing stuff like that for the past few days, and it’s what a boyfriend would do. But being touched by Hux still seems unbearable, and Kylo flinches back again before Hux can reach him. 

“Don’t touch me,” Kylo says with more force than strictly necessary. 

Hux rears back, pulling his arm back as if he burned himself. There’s a frown on his face now, a look of confusion that quickly morphs into something like… anger. Huh. That’s not really what Kylo expected. 

For a moment, they just look at each other, silent. Kylo’s heart is beating way too fast in his chest, and his fucking head is  _ still pounding _ , and he grits his teeth against the pain and the anger and the panic and just… everything. 

“Kylo,” Hux says, finally, and his voice is strained, as if he’s trying hard not to shout. “Can I talk to you for a second? Alone.” 

At first, Kylo wants to tell him no, but there’s something about Hux’s voice that doesn’t allow any protest, so he bites his tongue and nods. There’s also something in Hux’s eyes, a brief flash of an emotion he can’t identify, and he wants to know what that is about, even though he doesn’t want to be alone with Hux right now. It’s complicated. Everything about this is. 

Hux nods too, then stands up. He doesn’t offer Kylo a hand to help him up, so he gets to his feet on his own, trying very hard not to look at the rest of his family. They’re still silent, probably watching him, and he’s suddenly glad he doesn’t know what they’re all thinking about him, because he’s sure it’s nothing good. 

Hux leads him into the entryway, close to the front door. They stop next to the coat rack instead of going down the hallway towards the storage closets. It seems like a deliberate choice on Hux’s part, and Kylo is briefly grateful for it, because he doesn’t think he could bear to go there again, not right now, when the memory of pressing Hux against the wall for the first time is still fresh in his mind, and the images of last night keep haunting him too. 

“Okay, Kylo, be honest. What’s going on?” Hux asks finally. 

They’re alone out here, but the others are still only one room away, so his voice is hushed. His arms are crossed in front of his chest, and he looks uncomfortable. Kylo can relate. He’d rather be anywhere else, and he kind of hates it, all of a sudden, that Hux won’t just let it go. 

“What are you talking about? Nothing’s going on,” he says, but it doesn’t sound convincing to his own ears, and that just annoys him even more. 

Hux snorts, a derisive sound, and Kylo bristles at it.

“Yeah, sure.”

Then, Hux looks to the side and starts gnawing on his lip. He does that when he’s nervous, Kylo knows, but he doesn’t really get why Hux should be nervous right now, so it just leaves him confused. There it is again, that brief flash of something in his eyes, and Kylo can barely see it, can’t tell what it means, and then Hux takes a deep breath as if to steady himself before he speaks again. 

“Look, if it’s because of last night, I-” 

“No, it’s not. Can you just leave it be? God.” 

Hux’s head snaps up, eyes wide with shock. Kylo hadn't meant to be so loud, and he hadn’t meant for his voice to sound so acidic, but it’s done now, and he doesn’t want to take it back, either. He just wants to be left alone, for fuck’s sake. There’s already enough going on in his head, he doesn’t need Hux or anyone else needling him about it. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Hux snaps, suddenly sounding furious. 

He’s frowning, and his posture is defensive. Kylo draws himself up to his full height almost on instinct, and it doesn’t really make a difference, because Hux is almost as tall as him, but it still makes him feel like he has the upper hand in… whatever is happening right now. 

“I don’t have a problem! What the fuck is  _ your _ problem?” he throws back, and he can’t really keep quiet now. 

He doesn’t like where this conversation is headed. It feels like he’s rapidly losing control over the situation, and he fucking hates it. 

“I don’t have a problem either! If nothing’s the matter, why are you acting like this, hm?” 

Hux takes a step closer, challenging, almost, lifting a brow. Kylo refuses to back down. 

“How am I acting?” he asks, voice tense.    


“Like an asshole!” 

He can’t help the bitter laugh he barks out. 

“That’s rich coming from you,” Kylo grumbles, never looking away from Hux. 

Hux throws his hands up in exasperation. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“You keep bothering me! Nothing’s wrong, so can’t you just leave me alone?” he shouts. 

There’s a moment of stunned silence, again, before Hux’s face flushes bright red, an angry grimace twisting his mouth. He scoffs and rolls his eyes, and it’s so goddamn condescending that Kylo just has the urge to shout louder. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry that I’m trying to look out for you, what a terrible mistake. It won’t happen again,” Hux says. It’s like there’s venom dripping from his lips with how bitter the words sound, and his voice is raised now too. 

“Good. I don’t need you looking out for me anyway. I really don’t need it. And I don’t need you acting all high and mighty, like you’re doing me a service or something.” 

“God, do you even hear yourself? That’s the most self-absorbed shit I’ve ever heard you say. I’m just trying to be  _ nice _ , and you’re acting like I’m insulting you!” 

Kylo narrows his eyes at him. “You literally just called me an asshole! Is that not an insult to you?” 

With an exasperated groan, Hux drags his hand through his hair. “I called you an asshole because you’re acting like one! I don’t get it, Kylo, what the fuck is wrong with you right now?” 

“Nothing!” Kylo screams. 

He’s so loud he can feel it in his throat, a hoarse feeling, and he’s breathing heavily. Hux is, too, and they’re very close to each other, almost chest to chest. He doesn’t know what’s happening right now. He doesn’t know how it came to this; he and Hux shouting at each other, seemingly for no real reason. But there’s heat boiling in his veins, fury that’s desperate to claw its way out, and it feels good to shout, to just let it all go. He’s not going to stop. 

“Nothing’s wrong with me, and I wish you’d stop asking me that, and I wish you’d stop acting like you’re just trying to help me! Because you’re not helping at all!” 

Hux looks affronted, suddenly. “Are you actually that dumb, or are you just being deliberately obtuse? I’m not just acting! I’m trying… goddamnit, Kylo, I just want to help you, because I’m your-” 

He stops there, seemingly unsure what to say for a second, but Kylo doesn’t let him continue. 

“Well, right now you’re not helping, you’re just being annoying!” 

Hux gapes at him. 

Kylo glares, silent. 

“You’re such a fucking dick!” Hux shouts, and then he balls his hand into a fist and punches Kylo’s chest. 

It’s a mild blow, and doesn’t hurt at all, obviously just meant to irritate and not to injure, but it sends Kylo’s blood boiling all the same. He shoves Hux’s arm away, harsh, and growls low in his throat. 

“No, you’re a fucking dick!” he shouts back, because his brain is empty, short-circuiting, and all that’s left is a bright red haze of anger. 

“I didn’t even do anything! I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend!” 

And that’s just the final straw, isn’t it? 

Kylo doesn’t know if he should laugh or scream, so he ends up making a sound that’s somehow a mixture of both and roughly shoves his hair away from his face. Then he points his finger at Hux accusingly. 

“But you’re not! You’re not my boyfriend! And you know what, Hux? I’m so glad we’re not actually dating, because you’re absolutely insufferable!”

The moment the words leave his mouth, Kylo knows he said the wrong thing. Shock flashes across Hux’s face, followed by hurt, plain as day, and he flinches as if he’s been hit. Kylo wishes he could take the words back, but he can’t, they’re out there, and if things hadn’t been ruined before, they’re definitely ruined now. 

Hux takes a step back, and Kylo feels the distance between them acutely. He has to do something. The look on Hux’s face is unbearable. 

“No, Hux, wait-” 

Hux doesn’t let him finish. 

“Fuck you!” he screams. 

His voice is shrill, louder than before, and Kylo jerks away in shock. 

Hux isn’t looking at him anymore, has started shuffling through the jackets hanging on the coat rack haphazardly. It doesn’t click immediately, takes Kylo a moment to realize what’s happening. He’s stunned into silence, for some reason.

“What are you doing?” he asks, barely more than a croak. 

“I’m leaving! If I’d be such a terrible boyfriend and you hate me so much, I might as well leave!” 

Hux finally finds his coat in the mess of clothes and janks it off the hook, making an avalanche of jackets tumble to the floor. He doesn’t spare them another look, just pulls on his coat roughly and slips into his shoes as fast as he can without falling over. Kylo watches in silence, mouth open, but he doesn’t know what to say. 

When Hux is dressed, he turns towards Kylo again, and the look on his face is actually frightening. His face is red, flushed from anger or something else, Kylo doesn’t know. His eyes are glassy, his hair ruffled, and his lips are trembling, surprisingly. He’s panting just as hard as Kylo, as if they both just ran a marathon. 

“You know, I kind of thought… fuck. I don’t know what I thought,” Hux mumbles. 

He’s looking at Kylo, but he’s speaking so quietly that Kylo isn’t sure if he’s just talking to himself or not. It doesn’t matter. This can’t be happening. Hux can’t just  _ leave _ . 

He reaches out and tries to grab Hux’s arm, but Hux flinches away so violently that he stumbles against the wall. 

“Don’t touch me!” he shouts, voice cracking. 

And then Hux rips open the door, and cold wind hits Kylo in the face like a fist, and Hux steps outside. For a second, Kylo is frozen to the spot, but then he moves, stumbles towards the door and looks at Hux as he walks down the steps of the porch, arms crossed. The sight makes anger well up in Kylo again. 

“What are you doing? You can’t just leave!” he shouts after Hux. 

“Watch me!” Hux answers, not even turning around. 

“Where are you even going?” 

“It doesn’t matter! As long as you’re not there!” 

Now Hux turns around, keeps walking backwards through the snowy front lawn and towards the street. It’s fucking freezing, but his face is a mask of fury, and he doesn’t look like he’s going to come back. Kylo is, again, stunned into silence for a second, before his brain catches up. 

“FIne!” he calls after Hux, because he can’t let Hux have the last word, even now. 

“Fuck you!” 

“No, fuck you!” 

Hux screeches, a high, frustrated sound, and shows Kylo his middle finger as he reaches the sidewalk. Then he turns away, and walks down the street. He leaves. 

At first, Kylo can’t quite believe this is really happening. He keeps looking until Hux is out of his sight, and only then does he fully realize that Hux is gone. Fucking asshole. 

Another gust of ice cold wind blows into Kylo’s face, and he finally manages to go back inside. He slams the door closed as hard as he can, putting all his frustrations into it, and the walls rattle with the force of it. But there’s still restless, furious energy bottled up in his body. He lets out a loud scream, making his own ears ring with it, and then he kicks the door for good measure. Pain shoots up his leg immediately, because he’s not wearing shoes, and the door is much harder than his foot, and Kylo whimpers, hopping on his other leg until the pain passes. 

Fucking shit. What a giant fucking pile of shit this is. He can’t believe Hux just fucking left. What the actual fuck. 

Kylo turns around, still shocked and unable to think properly, wobbling a bit as he puts weight on his right foot and it hurts again. And then he just. Stops. 

His entire family has gathered in the hallway, crowded close together, and they’re all looking at him with open mouths, faces contorted in shock. 

Fuck. 

Nobody says a word at first. They all just stare at each other, as if an explanation will pop up out of nowhere, or maybe they’re just all waiting for Kylo to say something. But he can’t think of anything to say, because he doesn’t quite know what just happened either. He just knows that it’s bad. Really, really bad. 

“What?” he snaps, finally, and it’s defensive and angry and somehow everything he’s feeling at once. 

It takes another moment for them to answer, but then Rey lets out a dark chuckle that doesn’t sound happy at all. 

“You’re such an asshole,” she says, breathless, almost disbelieving. 

Kylo frowns, a sharp pang resonating in his chest, where everything already hurts. But nobody disagrees with Rey. They all keep staring at him, and then he realises they’re not just shocked about the argument. They’re all shocked about what he said. They’re all disappointed. 

Leia is looking at him with that particular look. 

She’s looking at him in that particular way that he absolutely hates, that makes him feel like utter shit. Like she’s so sad about whatever he just did. It’s precisely the look he’d wanted to avoid by bringing Hux here. 

That worked out just wonderfully, didn’t it?

Fuck. 

As the silence stretches on and Kylo continues to be at a loss for words, it starts to dawn on him that he really did just ruin everything. Not just his friendship with Hux, because that’s for sure never going to be the same again. But also everything he’s worked for over the past week, hell, over the past months. Every progress with his family. He’s just outright admitted that everything has been fake. He doesn’t know where to go from here. He just knows that he fucked up colossally. 

“I-” he starts, then stops, because he doesn’t know what to say. 

His head is still pounding. Now there’s an accompanying pounding in his foot. There’s also a dull pain in his chest. The combination makes it hard to concentrate. 

“Honey, what did you do?” Leia asks, and there’s so much sadness in her voice, and in her eyes, that Kylo feels his own eyes starts to burn. 

He shakes his head, tries to get his thoughts under control. If he can just explain, maybe they’ll all stop looking at him like this. Maybe he can… safe this. Somehow. 

“I… you… ugh. I just wanted to…” 

It’s hard to get the words out. His throat feels raw from all the shouting, and also like there’s something lodged in the back of it that makes it even harder to speak. Nobody is making any move to help him, and he can’t really blame them, but he feels completely alone, all of a sudden. 

Kylo swallows, then straightens up as much as he can. 

“You always tell me how you don’t want me to be lonely, and… I hate the way you sound when I tell you I’m not seeing anyone, with all that… pity. And I just wanted to… to make you happy for once, instead of always disappointing you.” 

It’s a shitty explanation, and an even shittier apology, because it isn’t really one at all. But he can’t sort through the thoughts in his head properly. 

“Why the hell did you think this would be a good idea?” Rey asks, sounding furious. “You, what, arrived here with a fake boyfriend, lied to us all for days, and just because you were too embarrassed to come home alone?” 

Kylo shakes his head, even though her words are more accurate than he’d like to admit.

“No, it’s not like that.” 

“Then what is it like?” Luke asks. 

Kylo can’t bear to look at him, but he does it anyway, because he figures he deserves it, that piercing stare that he hates so much. 

“I… I don’t know,” he mumbles, defeated. 

His shoulders slump again, there’s nothing he can do about it. Rey is right. This was a terrible idea. He can’t believe he ever thought his plan would work, because sooner or later he inevitably fucks everything up. And he lied to them all. That’s probably not going to be great for their familial relationship. Quite the opposite, actually. 

“I’m… sorry,” he finally says. 

They’re all still standing in the hallway, and he feels like they’re going to throw him out if he doesn’t apologize. It hurts his pride a bit to say it, but he knows it’s the right thing, and he is genuinely sorry. Now that he’s thinking about it again, faced with all their judgemental stares, Kylo is starting to realize how completely shitty this has been. 

He takes another deep breath, and wants to say more, to explain everything further, or maybe to apologise again, but nothing comes out except a weak croak. His eyes are burning. He tries to blink the sensation away, but it only gets worse. 

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to make you proud.” 

His voice breaks on the last word, and Kylo bites his lip to hold in a whimper. 

Finally, someone moves. 

Leia takes a small step towards him, holding up her hands like she’s trying to calm down a frightened animal. She’s not quite near enough to reach, but she’s taken that step in his direction, and that feels somehow monumental. Kylo exhales a shaky breath, and waits for her to speak. 

“You don’t have to lie to us, honey. It doesn’t matter if you have a boyfriend or not. We’re proud of you no matter what. It wouldn’t have mattered if you’d turned up alone.” 

Her voice is so soft, and she’s still  _ looking at him like that _ , and Kylo knows he’s about to cry. He doesn’t entirely understand why, but with the pressure around his chest and the lump in his throat and the burning in his eyes, he knows he won’t be able to hold it back. A first tear slips down his cheek, and he sniffs, trying to regain at least some of his composure. 

“Are you angry at me?” he asks hesitantly. 

He’s not sure he wants to hear the answer to this question. Rey is definitely angry at him, with the way she’s glaring, and Finn and Poe and his uncles and Amilyn seem less than thrilled, too. But ultimately, they aren’t the ones who matter. Han still hasn’t said a word, his face an impassive mask as he watches Kylo thoughtfully. It’s impossible to know what’s going on in his head right now. And Leia… 

“No, I’m not angry,” she says. Kylo wants to breathe a sigh of relief, but there’s more to it, he knows. He can see it in her face. 

“I’m just disappointed that you lied to us. And I’m sad that you felt like you had no other choice. But I’m not angry at you.” 

And that’s all it takes, it’s the last straw. A sob breaks free from his throat, and then he’s crying, truly, uncontrollably. He hates it, that they’re all still watching him, seeing him like this, but he can’t stop. The pain in his chest is nearly suffocating, and he heaves a breath but it doesn’t help, and the tears keep streaming down his face. Kylo holds his hands in front of his face, trying to hide behind them and wipe himself dry at the same time, but his cheeks just keep getting wetter.    


“Oh, honey, don’t cry,” he hears Leia say, distant, as if she’s very far away suddenly. 

Then he feels her arms around him. She holds him close, hugging him tightly, and he bends down to press his face into her hair. It’s uncomfortable, because she's much shorter than he is, but her touch is soothing, comforting, and he lets himself sink into it. Right now, he just needs his mom to hug him. 

There’s the sound of feet shuffling, and hushed whispers, before he hears Luke say: “Alright, we’re going to leave you alone now.” 

Nobody says anything else, and Kylo doesn’t look up, just tries not to choke on his sobs, the hitching breath and the endless stream of tears falling over his face and soaking Leia’s hair. 

He feels like shit. Truly and utterly like shit. He can’t even count all the ways in which he fucked up, and he’s not sure he’s going to be able to put everything to rights again. Fuck, he has no clue where Hux has wandered off to, and suddenly ice cold panic freezes the blood in his veins as he realizes that Hux is out there completely alone. Who knows what could happen to him. Who knows if he’s going to come back. And it’s Kylo’s fault, because he can never stop being selfish and terrible. 

Suddenly, there’s a soft touch on his arm, startling him. But it’s only Han, looking, as always, a little bit like he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but doing it anyway. It rips another sob out of Kylo, and he just lets it wash through him. In the comfort of Leia’s embrace, and with Han’s reassuring hand on his arm, he doesn’t feel as alone, doesn’t feel a lost anymore. Not that he’s feeling much better. But it’s something, at least. 

It takes him a long time to get his breathing back under control, for his tears to stop falling. When he feels like he’s not going to break down sobbing again immediately, Kylo slowly disentangles himself from Leia and Han and tries to wipe his face dry. He feels hollowed out, brittle, like a storm passed through him and left him empty and weak. Still standing, though. 

“Feeling better again?” Han asks, in that voice of his that doesn’t exactly sound compassionate, but Kylo knows that it is, that he really means it. 

He nods, gives a watery half smile to reassure them both. 

“Yes. A little bit. Thank you.” 

That last part is always difficult to say, but he makes an effort, now, because he knows he fucked up, and he knows he needs to make this right again. Has to at least try. 

“That’s good. Yuu know, this really wasn’t the best idea you ever had,” Han says, and he’s smiling a bit, so that’s a good sign. 

Being mocked about all of this doesn’t feel great, but it’s better than being shouted at, so he’s going to take what he can get. Leia snorts and nods, and Kylo chuckles too, because what else can he do? 

“It really wasn’t, honey. We’re going to have to talk about it later, you know that, right?”

Kylo sighs, bashful, and looks away. “Yes, I know.” 

He’s not exactly looking forward to it. It’s going to be the same way it always is, and he can already picture it: The entire family sitting together, all of them trying to get him to talk with nerve-wracking, soothing voices. Luke with his never ending advice, Han with his ill-timed jokes, Leia just trying to do the right thing. The rest of them, too, trying to help, or trying to understand, or scolding him for what he did, depending on the situation. They’re definitely going to scold him later, and Kylo knows he deserves it. Knows he can’t get around this, that he will have to talk it out, as one does, in this family. He absolutely hates it, has always hated every second of these sessions. But he knows he deserves it, too. 

“Good. There’s no way around it, kid. But we’ll do that later. Now, we’ve gotta get your boy back here.” 

Han sounds so optimistic, like he really believes Hux will come back here. That he’ll  _ want  _ to come back. Kylo doubts it. He really, really does. 

“I don’t think he’ll want to see me again. And I don’t even know where he is,” Kylo sighs, voice weak and sounding, frankly, miserable. 

Leia smiles that pitying smile again, the one that always hurts in his chest a little bit, and Kylo wants to look away, but finds that he can’t, that he feels guilty as soon as he averts his eyes. She seems to notice it, when he focuses on her and nothing else, and there’s a slight twinkle in her eye, there and then gone again. 

“Well, then you have to go look for him. You need to apologize to that poor boy. It’s really not fair of you to string him along for an act like this when he’s so obviously in love with you,” she says. 

And that- 

Wait. 

“He- what?” Kylo asks, incredulously, heart literally stopping in his chest for a second or two. 

He looks at Leia with wide eyes, confused, because surely she can’t be serious. Hux isn’t in love with him. They’ve just been acting. It’s- it can’t- 

“He’s not. In love with me. He’s just my friend,” he tries to explain, words halting and voice unsure. 

Han snorts, the sound startling Kylo, and he looks at him with wide eyes, utterly confused. 

“Sure, kid. You’re not kidding anyone. Nobody is that good of an actor.” 

Kylo shakes his head. This can’t be happening, right? Surely, if Hux was in love with him, he’d know it. He would have realised it, right? They spend so much time together, it would be impossible not to notice something like this, something so huge and important. Right? 

“But he- we’re just- it was just fake,” he says, almost whining, because it’s just not possible. 

Inside the living room, someone groans loudly. 

“For fuck’s sake, Ben, you’re such an idiot!” Rey shouts. 

“This is none of your business! Why are you even listening?” he shouts back, offended that she’s been eavesdropping all along. 

“You’re too damn loud to ignore. And you’re an idiot. Hux has been all over you this entire time, and he’s been doing everything to support you, and the way he looks at you literally gives me a migraine because he's so obviously gone for you. Also, he made out with you, like, a hundred times. Who would do that voluntarily if they weren’t into your dumb ass?” 

Kylo just stares at his parents, dumbstruck. He can’t see Rey, so he can’t glare at her, and instead he looks at them, mouth open, eyes wide, trying to comprehend what they're all saying. Sure, Hux kissed him, but it was all just acting. They’d planned this. Hux was just being a good friend, nothing more. But then there’s the way Hux willingly touched him all these times nobody else was around, and then last night. It had felt like they’d given themselves to each other completely, like Kylo had truly seen Hux, and been seen in return. In that moment, nothing had seemed fake, everything sincere, every touch and movement and whisper. 

But Kylo doesn’t know what that means now, because they were both drunk, and he’s still trying to sort out his own feelings, trying not to think too hard about any of the things that are making his palms sweat and his heart race whenever he looks at Hux. Whatever it is that makes his chest clench now, in pain because Hux is gone and probably hates him, and in something like hope, because they’re all saying he’s- 

He shakes his head, still unsure. They’re all just seeing things. They’re all just talking crap to make him feel better, or maybe to make him feel worse, he’s not sure. What they’re saying can’t be true. Hux can’t be in love with him. 

“Well, it doesn’t matter now. Hux is gone, and he definitely hates me,” Kylo announces, loud enough that Rey can hear it too. 

She groans, and mumbles something he can’t understand. Leia steps towards him again and puts a small hand on his shoulder. 

“You can’t know that unless you talk to him.” 

He knows she’s right, technically. But still. 

“I can’t do that,” he says. 

Because he can’t. He really doesn’t. He has no clue how to move forward, no clue what to fucking do now. Everything's just a mess. 

Leia smiles. “What you think you can or can’t do doesn’t matter. What do you  _ want _ ?”

And that’s an easy question. He doesn’t even need to think about it, the answer ready and true and waiting to be said out loud. 

“I just want Hux,” Kylo says, voice breaking again, and it’s maybe the truest thing he’s ever said. 

“Then go and find him!” Han says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

And maybe it is. 

***

It’s much colder outside than he anticipated. Despite his sweater and thick jacket, the icy wind creeps under his clothes within minutes, making him shiver as he walks along the streets. 

Kylo is alone, going in the direction he thinks Hux left. The rest of his family are outside too, searching different parts of the neighbourhood for Hux. More effective that way. He kind of regrets going by foot and not taking his car, but he also knows he can pay more attention this way, even though he already feels like his nose might freeze off. 

He doesn’t quite know what he’s going to say to Hux yet. He’ll definitely apologize, but other than that, he has no clue. Hopefully he’ll figure it out before he finds Hux.

Considering he has absolutely no clue where Hux could be, it will probably take a while to find him, so that means plenty of time to think about what he’s going to say. Hux didn’t bring his phone, probably forgot to take it with him because he left in such a hurry, so Kylo has no way to reach him in any way. Searching for him is the only option. 

Truth be told, he’s a little scared. Sure, this neighbourhood isn’t exactly dangerous, and it’s barely even noon, but Hux doesn’t know his way around. He could easily get lost, with no way to call anyone, and the thought of Hux wandering around in the cold for hours, trying to find his way back to the house, makes Kylo’s stomach clench. He hopes Hux is all right. That’s what’s most important now. 

There’s also, still, the pain tugging in his chest. It hasn’t left yet, and he doubts it will leave anytime soon. The urge to press at his chest, try to massage it away, like a sore muscle, is nearly overwhelming, but he knows that would be useless. No, it’s not that kind of pain. 

Really, Kylo still isn’t sure he can make sense of it all. Everything just feels so complicated, and he doesn’t know how to handle all that. He doesn’t know where he’s at with Hux, doesn’t know if he should believe Rey and the others, and he also doesn’t know if he’s ready to say the things swirling around in his brain out loud. It’s just really fucking scary, the prospect of saying something so monumental, the possibility that Hux might laugh at him for it. Easier to not say anything, to not think about it at all. If he doesn’t say it, it’s not real, and that would probably save him from a lot of complications, a lot of pain. 

But there’s also the possibility that it might be good, and that they might be right, and that’s kind of exhilarating. 

A shiver runs through him, both from the cold and the thoughts running through his head, and Kylo picks up his step, starts walking faster, and then breaks into a run. There’s too much restless energy inside him. He needs to get it out somehow. 

His breath is fogging in front of his face, and he nearly slips a few times, the sidewalk not entirely free of snow and ice. There’s also, still, the pulsing pain in his foot. He really shouldn’t have kicked the door, there’s going to be a nasty bruise later, if not worse. But there’s nothing to be done about it now. There are lots of things he shouldn’t have done, and the only thing he can do now is try to make them right again. 

He runs for what feels like ages, until he nears the center of town, where stores are starting to show up in between family homes occasionally. By now he’s panting, and sweating despite the weather. Every movement, every person he spots on the sidewalk, makes him jump, but it never turns out to be Hux. He tries to look carefully everywhere around him, hopes that he doesn’t miss Hux, that Hux isn’t gone forever. 

Kylo stops at a crossroads, waiting for a car to pass by, and takes a moment to collect himself, get his breathing under control again. His eyes dart around, take in the snow turning into slush at the edge of the road, the few passersby who are outside at this time on Christmas Morning, the huge windows of a coffee shop across the road and- 

There’s a flash of red hair inside the coffee shop, and Kylo’s heart skips a beat. 

He takes a few steps, looks closer, and there he is: Hux, sitting at a table all by himself, still wearing his coat. Kylo can’t see any details from this distance, but he notices that Hux’s shoulders are slumped, his head hanging low. The sight makes the thing in his chest clench again with guilt. This is his fault. He did this, he drove Hux away. 

He takes a few deep breaths, tries to steel himself for this. There’s nothing he can do except go in there and talk to Hux, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Anything but, actually. But he doesn’t have a choice. He has to do this. 

Kylo straightens up, tries to calm himself, breathes deeply one last time, and then he crosses the road. He can see Hux more clearly now, can see that his elbows are resting on the table and his hands are covering his eyes. No chance that he’ll see Kylo coming, and maybe that’s for the better. It gives Kylo these few more seconds to prepare himself. 

When he opens the door, the warm air that hits him square in the face feels like a blessing. His fingers hurt from the cold, and his face must be bright red, nose numb. He takes a look around the coffee shop. There’s only one other customer there besides Hux, a woman on a laptop, and the bored looking barista behind the counter. It’s kind of a miracle that the coffee shop is even opened today, but Kylo’s not going to question it. 

Hux still hasn’t noticed him, hasn’t even flinched at the sound of the door opening and closing. There’s a mug in front of him, mostly untouched, the drink seemingly gone cold. Kylo takes a few more seconds to just look at him. It feels like maybe this is his last chance to look at Hux, so he wants to take the opportunity to commit everything about him to memory. But he can’t see Hux’s face properly, only his fiery hair and his slumped posture, and that hurts more than anything else. 

Finally, Kylo moves again, takes halting steps towards the table Hux is sitting at. His head is completely empty, any semblance of thought gone, everything he might have said turned into nothing. But there’s no turning back now. He’ll just wing it, like he always does. 

When he’s just a few steps away from the table, Hux finally looks up. The sight of him nearly breaks Kylo’s heart. He looks fucking miserable, face pale and eyes red rimmed, still glassy, and it’s blaringly obvious he cried recently. When he sees Kylo, his body goes rigid, eyes widening in shock, and then something like pain passes over his face and he looks away. Bites his lip, already raw and looking like it might start bleeding at any second. 

Kylo pulls out the chair across from him, sits down without saying a word. Hux doesn’t say anything either. He’s pulled his hands into his lap, is fidgeting, obviously nervous. Kylo is, too. He has his hands balled to fists, and now that he’s not moving anymore, there’s a seemingly endless amount of restless energy shooting through his veins, and he starts rapidly bouncing his knee. Usually, Hux tells him to cut the crap and stop annoying him when he does this, but now Hux is silent. Kylo isn’t sure if Hux even noticed. 

He doesn’t know where to start. Doesn’t know if he should be the one to talk first, or if he should wait until Hux makes the first move. What is the protocol for this kind of situation? Usually, he doesn’t need a plan, prefers to just go with the flow, but right now he’s drifting, without any orientation, and he wishes someone would tell him what to do. 

Before Kylo can make up his mind and start formulating a sentence in his mind, Hux clears his throat. It’s a rough sound, raw. It makes Kylo sit up straighter, pay attention. 

"So. What do you want?” he asks, voice brittle. 

The sound of it shocks Kylo, it’s so unusual, so vulnerable. The words, however, aren’t surprising at all. Right to the point, so very typical. At least some semblance of normalcy in all this chaos, and Kylo is instantly grateful for it. It gives him the strength to clear his head at least somewhat, to sort through the mess of thoughts in his head, and all the feelings inside him, and pick out the things that are most important right now. 

“I came to apologize,” he says shakily. 

Hux doesn’t react. At all. He just stares straight ahead, somehow at Kylo but at the same time right through him, and there’s nothing on his face to show if he wants Kylo to shut up or keep talking. When Hux still hasn’t said anything after a few seconds, Kylo takes another deep breath, trying to stop the way his hands are shaking, and the tremor in his voice, and keeps talking. 

“I know that’s probably not nearly enough, because I said some really terrible things to you earlier. And I want you to know that I didn’t mean any of them. I acted… rash, and I was angry and confused, and I ended up lashing out at you even though you did nothing wrong. I just… I was so confused by… what we did, and I didn’t know how to feel about it, and I didn’t know how to handle all the things I was feeling, so I got angry, but I never should have reacted the way I did. I shouldn’t have said all that.” 

Hux still doesn’t say anything, but he presses his lips together, as if he’s trying hard to suppress… something. His eyes are still very shiny, and it still hurts to look at him. But he still hasn’t told Kylo to shut up and leave, and that’s a good sign, so Kylo decides to barrel onwards. 

“You just wanted to help me, and I appreciate that. I really do. So, thank you. You didn’t deserve any of the things I said to you.”

Every word that leaves his mouth makes his voice stronger, makes him feel like he can do this, like maybe it’s working. Maybe he can still make thing right again. 

“And I just want you to know that… I’d understand if you never want to talk to me again after this, because I realize now that it was… unfair of me to ask you to do all of this for me, and especially now, after what I said… I don’t blame you if you hate me now. But I’m so sorry.”

Apologizing has never come easy to him. And it isn’t easy now, either. Not exactly. In some way, this feels like one of the hardest things he’s ever done, but it’s also not, at the same time. The words start coming to him as he talks, and he thinks he knows what he needs to say, and he wants to say it. Is willing to jump over his own shadow, and apologize, because even more than he doesn’t like to say sorry, he doesn’t like the prospect of a life without Hux. And he’ll do everything that’s necessary, grovel like he knows he needs to, so Hux will just give him another chance. 

“I’m so fucking sorry, Hux. And I-”

Kylo takes a deep breath again, realizes that his voice is wobbly now, and that his eyes are burning again. Hux looks like he might cry too. He doesn’t know if he could keep it together if he did. 

“And I don’t want to lose you, Hux,” he says, finally. 

Because that’s what it comes down to: He wants Hux so much, needs him so much, and losing him would hurt so much Kylo can’t breathe even at the thought. 

Hux gasps, then, startling Kylo with the sound, a sharp intake of breath, as if he’s been trying not to breathe this whole time. His bottom lip is wobbling, and he’s blinking rapidly, and his shoulders are tense. 

Kylo doesn’t say anything, just watches Hux, trying to figure out whether he should comfort him, or keep talking, or give him space. It’s increasingly hard to not cry, to not grip Hux and pull him into a bone-crushing hug and beg him to forgive him, to not do anything stupid. Hux gasps again, but this time, it's more like a sob, and then he suddenly raises his hands and roughly wipes at his face, making the skin even redder than it was before. The movements are sharp, abrupt, startling Kylo, almost. 

When Hux takes his hands away again, he settles them on the table instead of his lap, the way he’s twiddling his fingers, twisting and curling and clenching, much more obvious now. He’s biting his lip again, and Kylo notices a faint droplet of blood where he’s broken the skin. Hux doesn’t even seem to notice, just keeps gnawing. His breath hitches again, and his eyes are still shiny. Wiping his face has done absolutely nothing. He looks like a wreck. It makes Kylo ache. 

Though, honestly, he probably doesn’t look better. 

“I’m sorry too,” Hux mumbles, and Kylo actually jumps, because he hadn't expected Hux to say something, and he certainly hadn't expected him to say  _ that _ . 

“You- what?” he stutters. 

Hux’s gaze is flitting between Kylo and everywhere else in the coffee shop, skittish and rapid, never looking at Kylo for more than a second at a time. 

“I said that I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have… hit you, and I shouldn’t have insulted you, and I should have just left you alone when you told me to.” 

He sounds strained, as if it’s very difficult for him to get the words out. Kylo thinks he understands why, because he can definitely relate. Hux isn’t one to apologize either. He’s too proud, usually. They both are. Kylo can’t remember that they’ve ever apologized to each other before. That nearly makes him chuckle, because how dire is this situation for them to set aside their pride and actually apologize to each other? Not that Hux is at fault here. Because he really isn’t. 

“Hux, you don’t need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. You just wanted to be a good… you just wanted to be nice, and I acted like an asshole. I definitely deserved that one.” 

And Hux does snort, then, only a little, and it’s watery. But. It’s something, at least. Something that makes the pressure in Kylo’s chest ease at least a little. Maybe everything isn’t lost after all. Maybe there’s still hope. 

“You kind of did,” Hux admits, lips tugging up slightly at the corners, the smallest possible movement. 

Kylo chuckles, a bit breathless, and he blinks again, because his eyes are stinging a whole lot all of a sudden. Before he has even fully registered it, there are tears clinging to his lashes, one streaming down his cheek. 

“Seriously though. Hux. I’m so sorry for earlier, and I don’t… I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t think I’d survive that.” 

It’s true, and now he doesn’t feel like laughing anymore, but he needs to say it anyway. He needs Hux to know. Despite his best efforts, he’s starting to cry again, vision blurring. This is just… a lot. There’s a sniffling sound coming from Hux, and he briefly turns his face away, but Kylo still notices the wetness on his cheeks. 

And then he does something that’s maybe completely stupid or maybe his best decision yet. 

He reaches across the table, and covers Hux’s hands with his. They’re cold and trembling and so much smaller than his own. Touching Hux’s hands feels a little bit like touching something fragile, something that could break at any minute, if not handled properly. He’s careful as he lays his fingertips on the back of Hux’s hands, not doing anything else when Hux stiffens in surprise. Only when he relaxes slightly does Kylo gently engulf Hux’s hands with his, tangling their fingers together as much as the angle allows it. 

Hux watches this, transfixed and seeming momentarily distracted from his tears. His breath hitches, and then another sob breaks from his lips, his shoulders shaking slightly. It breaks Kylo’s heart to see Hux like this, to know he’s at fault. But Hux isn’t pulling his hands away. Instead, he tightens his grip. 

Then he looks up, and somehow he seems determined and defeated at the same time. 

“I don’t hate you. And I won’t leave you. I could never do that,” he says, sounding sure despite the shakiness of his voice. 

Warmth blossoms in Kylo’s chest, and he inhales sharply, feeling shivery and too weak for everything. 

“Really?”

Because he has to make sure, has to know that they’ll work things out again. 

Hux nods. “Really.” 

Kylo releases a shaky breath, smiling, slightly, and it’s probably ruined by the fact that he’s properly crying now. Hux is too. It feels like a weight has lifted off his shoulders, and the relief washing over him is almost unreal. 

But there’s still something making his stomach churn with anxiety. There’s still something he needs to know. 

He really can’t keep ignoring it any longer. For what feels like ages now, he’s been trying not to think about it, he’s been trying his absolute best to not think about it, even a little, especially these past few days. But now that he’s looking at Hux, and gripping his hands as tightly as he can because he never wants to let him go again, it’s absolutely impossible to ignore. The way his heart hurts and soars and beats faster, and the way he never wants to look away from Hux again, and the way he never wants Hux to leave. He’s been trying so hard, but he just can’t ignore it any longer. 

And that’s really fucking scary, because there’s still the possibility that Hux doesn’t want him. What if they were all wrong, and the hope growing inside of him is for nothing, and Hux doesn’t want him after all? Not like this? It frightens Kylo to even think about it, makes his palms sweat and his chest clench. 

So much could go wrong. It’d be easier if he doesn’t say anything. If he doesn’t say anything, it isn’t real, this thing inside him that’s making him breathless whenever Hux is near. 

But. The thing is. 

He wants it to be real. 

“Hux,” he says, bracing himself for this, but he needs to know, needs to make sure, needs to finally do something. 

Hux hums, questioning, and tilts his head to the side. It looks adorable, despite the fact that his breath is shaky and there are tears staining his face. 

“I need to ask you something. And it’s very important.” 

Hux frowns, but nods. “Sure. What is it?”

“Are you in love with me?” 

As soon as he’s said it, Hux’s mouth drops open in shock. Then his face contorts into a grimace, and he looks like he’s in pain all of a sudden, and then he starts crying even harder, and Kylo can hear him sob, and the other two people in the coffee shop must hear it too, because it’s loud, and Kylo immediately wants to take it back, rewind and never say it, even though he’s not entirely sure what he’s done wrong. 

“Hux, I-” he starts, but Hux interrupts him. 

“Are you kidding right now? Are you being deliberately cruel?” he chokes out, glaring at Kylo, somehow, while also looking absolutely miserable. 

“No, I didn’t mean to-” 

“Isn’t it obvious, you fucking idiot? Of course I am!” 

And his voice is raised, and it takes Kylo a second to register his words because he sounds so angry. For a second he’s afraid he’s insulted Hux by even suggesting it, prepared to take it back and never speak of it again, and wallow in the pain of rejection. But then he realizes what Hux actually said. 

And everything feels like it stops for a second. 

He can’t do anything except stare at Hux in shock, because as much as he’d hoped, he didn’t actually think- 

Hux whimpers, looks away from him and bites his lower lip.

“I can’t believe you didn’t realise it sooner,” Hux mumbles, almost as if he’s talking to himself. “But you are kind of obtuse, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.” 

Kylo can’t even find it in him to be offended at the insult, because he’s still replying Hux’s words in his head, over and over again. It feels almost too good to be true, that Hux really is… in love with him. It sounds almost unreal, like something out of a dream, but Hux said it. He actually said it. Kylo’s heart is beating so rapidly he fears it might jump out of his chest, and his eyes are burning, tears still not dried, but it’s for a different reason now. 

Hux still isn’t looking at him. He takes a deep breath and his grip on Kylo’s hands loosens slightly.

“Look. I’m… sorry. Maybe I should have told you, but I didn’t want to… ruin everything. I know our friendship is probably over now, and that I took advantage of you, and I’m sorry, but. Please don’t make fun of me for this, alright? It’s embarrassing enough already.” 

He starts pulling his hands away, and Kylo understands, then, or at least he thinks he does, what’s going on inside Hux’s head right now. Before he can pull away entirely, Kylo grips him again, stops him and squeezes his hands in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. Hux jumps at the touch, clearly not expecting it and looks up at him, eyes wide. 

There’s a slow smile spreading on Kylo’s face, and a warmth growing in his chest, and he can’t help the way he starts properly beaming. Hux just seems confused, brows furrowed and face red and mouth hanging slightly open. Kylo can’t look away from him, even now. He can never look away from Hux. 

“Will you go on a date with me?” he blurts out, still smiling, probably looking completely stupid. 

Hux gapes at him. 

“W- what? A  _ date _ ?” 

His voice is shrill, confused. Kylo squeezes his hands again, leans closer over the table. 

“Yes. A date. I want to take you to dinner, or we can go see a movie, or go to a museum. Whatever you like. But I-” 

Kylo takes a deep breath again. This is it. This is the moment. 

“I want to date you. Not just this week, but next week and the week after that, and as long as you’ll have me. I want to date you for real. I’ve been trying really hard not to think about it, but my heart does something crazy when you’re near, and I can’t think when I see you, and I want to be near you all the time.” 

Hux stares at him, then stares some more. He doesn’t move not even to wipe his face dry again. It seems like he’s forgotten that he’s crying entirely, and maybe like he’s forgotten everything else, too. Kylo watches him in tense silence. He wants to know what Hux is thinking before he says anything else. Doesn’t want to say too much, or say something stupid, and ruin this before it's begun. 

His leg is bouncing rapidly again. With every second that passes, he gets more nervous, more restless. Part of him wants to take back what he said, just so that he doesn’t have to wait for Hux’s response, but now that he’s said it, he also feels lighter, somehow. And that’s good. It’s great, actually. It would just be even better if Hux would say something. 

Finally, after what feels like ages, Hux breathes out, a long, shaky sigh. He closes his eyes briefly, then opens them again and looks right at Kylo, leans forward. His eyes are red, glassy, wet. But they’re also bright, somehow, and determined, and as gorgeous as ever. Kylo could get lost in them for hours, if Hux would let him. 

“Are you serious about this? You’re not just… saying this so I don’t feel bad? This isn’t a cruel joke?”

That Hux is even asking this hurts, just a little bit. But his voice is so serious, and it’s an easy question to answer, honestly. 

“It’s not, and I am. Serious, that is. Hux, I want you so much, it’s kind of driving me crazy.” 

He’s still smiling tentatively, waiting for Hux to react. It’s slow, but something starts changing in Hux's face, like clouds clearing away and revealing a brightly burning sun. Something starts shining in his eyes, and then he starts smiling, small at first and getting wider, until he’s grinning, teeth and all, looking like a mess still. But a happy mess. Kylo can definitely relate to that. 

“Fuck,” Hux mutters, and then he chuckles, disbelieving.

Kylo chuckles too, because he has to admit, all of this feels kind of surreal. But it also feels really fucking wonderful at the same time. 

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Hux says, sounding breathless, and shaking his head as if he’s trying to wake himself up from a dream. 

“It is, though.” 

Kylo can’t help the way his smile broadens, so much that his cheeks hurt, and he can taste the saltiness of his tears, but he doesn’t care about that now. Hux is smiling back at him, and it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Fuck. He can’t quite believe it’s happening either. 

Hux is gripping his hands so tightly it hurts, but Kylo isn’t going to complain about that. And he’s so fucking gorgeous, even looking like this, and Kylo suddenly feels overcome with longing, and he needs more of Hux, needs to touch him and make sure that this is real, that he’s real and that they’re… well, whatever they are now, they’ll probably have to talk about it again when their heads are more clear. But the warmth in Kylo is expanding, and he’s so in love with Hux. 

There it is. The truth, maybe, finally. Thank fuck. Now that he’s allowed himself to say it, even if it’s just in his head, he can’t stop thinking about it. He doesn’t know how he ever managed to not think about it. 

He’s overcome with it, all of it, and he needs Hux so badly.

“Can I kiss you?” Kylo whispers, because he doesn’t think he has the strength to talk properly, too overwhelmed all of a sudden. 

But Hux doesn’t mind. He starts nodding rapidly, smile widening even more. 

“Yes, yes, please kiss me…” he babbles, even as he’s already leaning closer to Kylo. 

Kylo leans closer too, over the table, and then he’s finally kissing Hux. 

It feels both familiar and completely new. Like a promise of sorts, for whatever might come, and it also feels like the best kiss in Kylo’s entire life. Hux’s lips are rough and chapped and Kylo can taste faint hits of blood, but he doesn’t care. The angle is awkward as hell though. He’s half sitting, leaning over the table to reach Hux, and the edges of it are digging into his stomach sharply. His arms kind of hurt, and his back his tense with the effort of holding himself upright. Though he would like to keep kissing Hux for a few hours at least, they break apart after only a few seconds. 

Without a word, Kylo stands up, pulling Hux with him, and takes a step around the table, so they’re standing face to face. Much better. 

Hux wraps his arms around Kylo’s waist immediately, hands snaking under Kylo’s open jacket and gripping the back of his sweater to pull him close. It’s then that Kylo notices that Hux is still wearing his yoga pants under his coat. And of course he is, he didn’t change before he left. But it still makes Kylo grin, and makes warmth spread inside him, and then he carefully takes Hux’s face in his hands, fingers splayed over his cheeks and neck, and leans into him. 

The kiss is sweet, sending a shockwave through Kylo as their lips touch. Kylo feels like he’s drowning in it, drowning in Hux and all of this, but it’s the best feeling in the world, and Hux is clinging to him like he’s drowning too, and Kylo loves it. He loves every second of this, every movement of lips and every scrape of teeth and every lick and every sigh and he loves the way Hux feels in his arms, warm and solid and there, and he just. He just loves Hux. 

They stay there, wrapped around each other, for what feels like a long time, and still not long enough.

When they finally break apart, they’re both breathless, and their faces are wet again, but they’re also smiling. Kylo licks his lips and tastes salt. He can’t look away from Hux. Not now. Probably not ever. 

It takes another moment for him to register his surroundings again. He glances around, and the barista is looking at them weirdly. Maybe they should leave. His family is probably worried sick by now. He should text them that he found Hux, and they should make their way back as soon as possible. 

“Let’s go home, alright?” he says, voice hushed. 

Hux nods, and presses their foreheads together, nudges Kylo’s nose affectionately with his own. There’s a soft smile on his lips. 

“Yes. Let’s go home.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter warnings:** Hux hits Kylo in the chest because he's angry. Kylo kicks a door because he's angry and hurts himself. Hux and Kylo are not very nice and insult each other at times.
> 
> So, here we are! All of this just happened! Whew!  
> I'm actually a bit nervous about posting this chapter, because it's basically THE chapter! It includes some of the first scenes I thought of for this story, and I've been waiting to finally post it for what feels like ages.  
> And we're so close to the end now! Only one chapter left! I can't believe this story is almost over, and I'm already a bit emotional, but I'll dump all my really sappy feelings on you in two weeks.
> 
> If you want to chat, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair)!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags were updated again, and content warnings are down in the end notes as always!

There is absolute chaos in the hallway. 

Hux is trying his best to wrangle his coat from the coathanger without sending a landslide of jackets falling down, but it’s not easy when people are bumping into him from all sides. He’s thankful that no one has kicked his suitcase over yet, because it seems like a very real possibility. Hell, he’s glad  _ he _ hasn’t been kicked over yet. 

It’s loud and full and this space is definitely way too small for that many people. But that doesn't keep Kylo’s entire family from crowding close, trying to get a last word in before they leave. 

Kylo is talking to his uncle Chewie, and Chewie keeps hugging him and grumbling something that Hux can’t understand. He’s glad that he’s managed to avoid Chewie’s hugs until now. His arms are so hairy, he doubts it would be a very pleasant experience. But Kylo doesn’t seem to care about that, goes willingly and laughs when Chewie pulls him close, and gasps affronted when Chewie affectionately hits him in the arm. 

Finally, he manages to pull his coat free, and slips into it. When he turns around, he is face to face with Leia, who is smiling at him softly. There’s something in her eyes that could be sadness, but he’s not sure, and it makes him a little bit uncomfortable. To be quite frank, after the whole debacle yesterday, he feels extremely embarrassed in front of her. Everyone heard the way he and Kylo shouted at each other, and he’s not very proud of it, would rather forget about it, in fact. Sadly, he thinks it was noteworthy enough that everyone will remember it for a long time. 

But Leia doesn’t seem like she’s mad at him. She didn’t seem like that yesterday either. No one seemed to blame him for this massive shitshow, and no one was particularly angry that he and Kylo lied to them all, and that had been a massive relief. On their way back to the house, anxiety kept twisting in his gut, and he was sure they would throw him out the second he came into view. But they didn’t, and now he’s here, a day later, ready to leave as planned. 

“I was wondering if you would like to come around again for Easter,” Leia says, and Hux stops short. 

He doesn’t know what he expected her to say, but it certainly wasn’t  _ that _ . 

“I- what?” he asks, not even able to string together a proper sentence. 

Her smile widens as she watches him open and close his mouth again and again without anything else coming out, his eyes wide with shock. 

“I really enjoyed your company this past week. And I would like to have you around for Easter.” 

The words register in his brain, but he still has a hard time comprehending them. Leia liked having him around? She would like him to visit again? Surely that can’t be right. Hux isn’t the type of person who gets invited somewhere because of his dashing personality. He can’t fathom why Leia would ever want to see him again after he helped her son pull off a week long act. 

But she doesn’t look like she’s kidding, the smile on her face honest, and as the seconds tick by and she doesn’t take her words back, it dawns on him that she must really mean it. 

He clears his throat, but his voice still comes out hoarse when he opens his mouth. 

“I, uh. I’d really like that. If you’re sure about it. And if everyone else doesn’t have a problem with it. And if Kylo and I, uh…” 

He trails off, unsure what to say. If he and Kylo are still dating by then? Still friends? He honestly has no clue what exactly they are right now, and he doesn’t know what they’ll be in a few months. Just thinking about it makes his stomach churn with nerves, so he pushes the thought away. For now, at least. 

He tries to force a smile onto his face, and Leia chuckles. 

“I am sure about it, and the rest will be, too. And you’re welcome here no matter your relationship with Ben, alright?” 

That baffles him even more, and all he manages is a nod. Leia nods too. 

“Good. I’m looking forward to it,” she says, and then she pulls him into a hug. 

It’s strong and warm, but unlike that first time, he knows how to react now, and hugs her back. He doesn’t stay like that for long, already pulling back after only a few moments, but her touch leaves him feeling warm, and comforted, in a way he can’t explain, but he’s starting to suspect it’s just one of her unexplainable motherly powers. 

She turns away from him then, making her way over to Kylo to say goodbye to him, and Hux is alone, for now. 

It takes way longer than it should to say goodbye to everyone. In the end, he does get pulled into one of Chewie's hairy hugs, and it’s not nearly as bad as he’s feared. He doesn’t quite know what to say to Rey, Finn and Poe, so he nods at them and smiles weakly, and they all smile back, tell him they’ll see him around. All of them seem to agree that hugging would be weird. 

Finally, after what feels like ages, he and Kylo carry their bags to the car. It’s cold inside, and the windows are covered by a thin layer of ice, but they scrape it off quickly, and then they’re on their way back, waving until the house is out of sight, leaving this absolutely crazy week behind. 

As they drive along the snowy road, silence settles between them, almost uncomfortable, but not quite. The radio is on, and Kylo is humming along again, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel just like they did on the drive here. 

Hux doesn’t think he has the strength to start a conversation. Now that he’s away from all the noise and all the people, he feels weirdly empty, adrift, and his exhaustion is catching up with him. He barely slept last night, and yesterday was no doubt one of the most energy-sapping days he’s ever had in his life. 

When they finally got back to the house after walking through the snow for ages, the Christmas mood had kind of dissipated, and no one was in the mood to open presents. Instead, Kylo’s family had pulled both of them into the living room, given them tea and blankets, and then subjected Kylo to a very stern talking-to. Hux had just kind of sat there awkwardly, staying mostly silent as Kylo tried to explain why the hell he’d thought bringing home a fake boyfriend was a good idea. There’d been some more tears. All the while, Hux never let go of Kylo’s hand, gripping it like a lifeline as he sipped his tea, as if it could vanish the second he let go. 

Things had started to calm down somewhat in the afternoon. They did manage to get with the program again, opening presents after all, and eating some more cookies and other delicious food. But they day had been properly exhausting for everyone, and Kylo tugged Hux upstairs early in the evening, both of them too tired to stay downstairs and act like everything was normal.

As they got into bed, anxiety crept up inside Hux, making his heart beat fast and his palms sweat, because he was so scared Kylo might turn his back to him after all, but Kylo had grabbed him and pulled him close. They’d spent the night clutching at each other, desperate, neither of them willing to let go. Kylo kept whispering apologies into his hair until Hux told him to stop, because at some point the way Kylo’s voice broke became unbearable, and after that Kylo had pressed soft kisses to Hux’s hair and face again and again. Hux had listened to his heartbeat, and Kylo stroked his back, and they spent half the night awake, just holding each other without saying a word. 

And as much as the memory of it warms his heart, it also makes the exhaustion wash over him anew. He’s still unsure about all of this, about where he and Kylo will go from here. But he’s way too tired to think about any of that in depth now. And just like last time, he feels his eyelids grow heavier, and allows himself to sink into a much needed slumber, comforted for now by the presence of Kylo next to him. 

***

A soft touch on his arm wakes him, slowly, and it takes Hux a moment to fully come back to himself. He doesn’t feel particularly rested, his eyes hard to open and his whole body somehow rusty. The touch comes back again, stroking his arm gently, and Hux blinks, tries to make his vision adjust. 

He’s in a car. It’s dark outside. 

Only then does his brain seem to start working again, and he remembers where he is, and why. He yawns, and rubs at his eyes to make the grogginess go away. Kylo withdraws his hand, and Hux almost tells him to keep touching him, but then stops himself at the last second. It’d probably sound dumb, and his brain is still muddled by sleep. He shouldn’t open his mouth right now. 

“We’re there,” Kylo says, voice soft, as if he’s trying not to frighten Hux. 

Hux blinks again, and takes a closer look at his surroundings. The car is parked, he realizes, in front of his apartment building. Weirdly, the sight fills him with apprehension, something he didn’t quite expect. He thought he’d be glad to be home again. And he is, kind of. But he’s also nervous. Because as soon as he leaves this car, this week will be over. And who knows what will happen then? 

At the sound of Kylo clearing his throat, Hux turns towards him. His fingers are gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles are standing out white, and he’s looking resolutely forward, out into the night, towards a fixed point Hux can’t see. When he swallows, Hux thinks he can actually hear it, and he can definitely see it, exaggerated like everything Kylo does. 

It makes the anxiety crawling around inside him even worse. Kylo seems… tense, and he’s sure that’s not a very good sign. He doesn’t know what to say now, how to tell Kylo goodbye, because he doesn’t want Kylo to leave. But maybe Kylo is already regretting everything he said yesterday, and just wants to be alone, and he’s just waiting for Hux to finally leave, so he can let him down via text later. The prospect frightens Hux. He doesn’t want Kylo to change his mind, but he can’t for the life of him figure out what’s going on in his head right now. And they haven’t kissed, not properly, since they left that coffee shop, which feels like a terrible omen, in all honesty. 

Hux takes a deep breath, preparing to say goodbye and leave, because that’s what he should do, and that’s probably what Kylo wants him to do. 

But what comes out instead is: 

“Do you want to come inside for a moment?” 

Kylo’s head whips around, his eyes wide, staring at Hux in shock for a moment. Truly, Hux is just as shocked. This isn’t what he meant to say at all. 

(But it is what he wants, deep down. He’s just scared Kylo might say no.) 

They’re both silent for a while, stunned. Then, finally, Kylo shakes himself out of it, and smiles, a nervous little thing, but undoubtedly there. 

“Yes. I, uh. I’d like that,” he says, nodding, and sounding almost breathless. 

Hux sighs, his heartbeat momentarily calming down. He’s been more frightened Kylo might say no than he’d like to admit, and hearing him agree instead is a giant relief. But the fluttering in his stomach starts right back up again. Because they’re going to be alone in his apartment, and suddenly, that seems absolutely overwhelming. 

“Good. Great. So. Let’s go?” 

If his mind weren’t so scattered, he’d be embarrassed about the fact that being near Kylo apparently robs him of all eloquence. But he can’t be bothered to think about this right now. There are other things that are much more important. For example the way Kylo nods, smiling at him, and then hastily opens the door when he realizes that he’s just sitting there doing nothing. He almost trips as he climbs out of the car, and that makes Hux chuckle, nervous but also relieved. 

He’s not the only one who’s nervous, then. 

It takes him another moment to brace himself before he opens the car door and steps outside into the cold night air. There’s no snow here, which is slightly disconcerting after the winter wonderland he’s been surrounded by these past few days. But it’s still extremely cold, and Hux shivers as he closes the door and walks around to the trunk to get his suitcase.

Kylo looks like he’s unsure whether he should take his own bag upstairs with him, so Hux grabs it and shoves it at him before he slams the trunk close, probably with more force than necessary. But the restlessness inside him needs to get out somehow. 

As they make their way inside the building and up the stairs to Hux’s apartment, the silence between them grows tense. By the time Hux gets his front door open, he feels jittery, and his hands are shaking so badly he almost drops his keys. 

Being back home is a relief after all. The familiar surroundings put him at ease, at least a little bit. His apartment isn’t particularly impressive or large, but it’s entirely his own, and he has developed a certain attachment to it over the past few years. He drops his keys into the designated metal dish on the sideboard and shrugs off his coat. Putting everything where it’s supposed to be, and finally being back in his usual zone, makes a bit of the tension in his shoulders drop. 

The only thing that’s not quite right is the lack of orange cat coming to greet him. He hates how empty the apartment feels when Millicent isn’t there, and in all honesty, Hxu really misses her. He can’t wait to pick her up from Phasma’s place tomorrow. The thought of pressing his face into her soft fur and feeling her comforting weight on his lap makes him smile, and Hux feels himself relax further. 

But that doesn’t detract from the awkwardness that’s almost tangible between him and Kylo. 

He doesn’t entirely understand why it suddenly seems so difficult to be in the same room with him. Kylo has been to his apartment countless times, for studying, pizza nights, or just hanging out. But Hux feels woefully unprepared all of a sudden. It’s like he doesn’t know what to say to Kylo, and how to behave around him, without making it awkward. And he still doesn’t know how to talk to Kylo about any of the things he’s worried about. All of it kind of makes him want to tear his hair out. 

Kylo doesn’t seem to know entirely how to act either, standing around in the entryway and looking around like he’s seeing all of this for the first time. His fists are clenched, and he glances down at his bag with a frown, as if he isn’t sure whether to leave it on the floor or put it somewhere else. 

And this is something Hux can still do, he thinks, so he takes a deep breath and makes an effort to stand up straight, to not let it show how absolutely clueless he is about how they should go forward.

“You can just leave your bag there for now. Do you. Uh. Should we order something to eat? I’m hungry.”

He feels his cheeks flush as he stammers through the sentence, and turns around to walk into the living room as soon as he’s done. After a second or two, he hears Kylo take hesitant steps and finally follow him. 

“That sounds good,” Kylo says, sounding slightly strained. 

“How about pizza?” 

Kylo nods. “Sure.” 

Hux sits down on the sofa, allowing himself to relax into the cushions and just breathe for a few seconds. He can do this. Everything is going to be just fine. There’s no need to be this nervous, really. It’s just Kylo. But when Kylo sits down too, Hux nearly flinches, and he can’t even explain why. 

He places the order on his phone swiftly, not talking while he does it. After all the times they’ve ordered food together, he doesn’t even need to ask Kylo what he wants, because he knows his standard order by heart. Ordering food while they sit around is normal. Hux tries to remind himself of that, that nothing really unusual is happening here. Apart from the elephant in the room, everything is the same as it has always been. He just needs to remember that, and he’ll get through the evening. 

But when he’s done, and he looks up at Kylo, the things he actually wants to say, and everything he wants to ask, lodge at the back of his throat and make it hard to breath. He can’t get them out, no matter how hard he tries, and Kylo is looking at him expectantly, and Hux doesn’t know what to do. 

He clears his throat, turns away from Kylo and towards the TV. 

“The food should arrive in forty-five minutes. Do you want to watch a movie until then?” he asks, and he knows his voice is too high, and he knows he’s talking too fast, but there’s nothing he can do about it. 

“Yeah. Sure. Sounds good,” Kylo mumbles. 

Hux chooses not to interpret anything into the sound of Kylo’s voice, instead reaches for the remote and turns on the TV, choosing something to watch entirely at random. He doesn’t care what’s going on on the screen. Doubts he can pay attention to it, in fact. He just wants something to fill the silence with, because sitting next to Kylo and not being able to get a word out is absolutely unbearable. 

But the movie doesn’t make things better. Kylo keeps shifting on the sofa restlessly, crossing and uncrossing his arms and legs, tapping his fingers against the cushions, bouncing one of his legs in the way that drives Hux absolutely insane. Every once in a while, he chances a glance over at Kylo, to see his face, maybe take a guess at what he’s thinking, but it’s impossible to tell. His gaze is fixed on the screen, his face impassive except for the way he bites his bottom lip absentmindedly. 

There’s also too much space between them. It’s weird. Even before all of this, they sat closer, as friends do, and now there’s this gap between them, Kylo’s body far enough away that Hux can’t even feel a trace of his warmth. A sharp contrast to the way Kylo’s arm felt around his shoulders, how they cuddled close all week, sides pressed against each other. Hux wants that back. He thought he had it, now, that he could always have it. But maybe he was wrong. 

This isn’t at all what he had in mind when he asked Kylo to come with him. He’d thought maybe the tension would fall away from them as soon as they entered the apartment, that Kylo would touch him, and that they’d talk about it all. But the longer they sit there, staring at the screen and never at each other, Hux starts to fear that maybe, he dreamed too big. Maybe Kylo has realized that the things he said yesterday were a mistake, and he doesn’t want to be more than Hux’s friend after all. And maybe the relief he’d thought he’d seen in Kylo’s face when he invited him was nothing but wishful thinking. 

The anxiety churning in his stomach is getting worse by the second, a wave cresting, crawling upwards and threatening to choke him if he lets it fester any longer. The distance, the silence, it’s unbearable. 

“Alright, no.” 

He’s almost surprised by how resolute his voice sounds. But he can’t go on like this. Hux grabs the remote and pauses the movie, then turns around to face Kylo, determined. Thankfully, this gets a reaction out of Kylo. Frowning, lips twisted in an expression of confusion, he slowly turns towards Hux, meets his gaze for what is probably the first time today. 

“What?” Kylo asks, and it seems like he has absolutely no clue what’s going on. 

Hux swallows, but he’s made up his mind. He has to talk about this now, otherwise it’ll eat him up from the inside out. 

“I can’t do this,” he says, steady, determined. 

Kylo tilts his head questioningly, and something like concern flits across his face. 

“What do you mean?” 

“This! I can’t do this, Kylo. I need to know!”

And maybe that comes out a bit louder than planned, but Hux doesn’t care, because if he doesn’t get answers soon, he’s literally going to combust. With his legs tugged close, facing Kylo, he waits for an answer, but Kylo still seems confused, maybe even a bit scared, his big, beautiful eyes shimmering slightly. 

“What do you need to know?” Kylo asks, and now he sounds sort of unsure, as if he’s not certain he wants to hear what Hux has to say. 

Hux throws his hands up in exasperation. He knew Kylo could be a little dense sometimes, but this really takes the cake.

“What’s going on right now! Because, frankly, I have no clue what’s happening. Were you serious yesterday? When you said you wanted to date me for real?” 

The words come out accusatory, which is good, that’s what he wants, but they also come out sounding insecure, and he doesn’t want that at all. He doesn’t want Kylo to see how much this is affecting Hux, doesn’t want him to realize that Hux’s stomach is literally in knots as he’s trying to figure out where to go from here. It’s unfair, really, that he can’t control himself at all when it comes to Kylo. 

Kylo, with his mouth hanging open in shock, eyes wide open, and brows lifted up almost to his hairline. It takes him a few seconds to respond, brain seemingly slow to catch up, and every second of silence twists into Hux like a knife, painfully ripping him apart. 

“Of course I was!” Kylo exclaims, finally, after what feels like ages. 

He seems almost offended at the suggestion that he might have lied, and that makes Hux feel a bit better, but the fear and uncertainty churning in his stomach are still there. He clenches his fist, starts digging his nails into his palms on instinct. 

“Well, it doesn’t particularly seem like it,” Hux mumbles, and now he can’t deny that his voice is shaking. “You won’t touch me, and you’re barely even looking at me, and I don’t… I don’t know what’s going on here.” 

His voice is barely more than a whisper as he finishes, twisting his fingers around each other. Hux swallows again, tries to get the lump that’s forming in his throat to go away. Averts his eyes, because he’s not sure he can look at Kylo while he’s laying out all the intimate pieces of his heart for him to see. 

There’s silence again, tense and uncomfortable, making Hux’s skin crawl. He doesn’t get why this is so difficult, and he hates it. 

When Kylo clears his throat, Hux flinches, the sound surprising him, ripping him from his own thoughts and back into the real world. He dares to look at Kylo again, and he seems concerned. 

“I-” Kylo starts, then stops to clear his throat again. 

There’s a blush spreading on his cheeks, and he keeps running his hand through his hair, and despite everything, Hux can’t help but notice how lovely he looks. 

“I’m sorry,” Kylo says finally. “I’m just nervous. I don’t want to do anything wrong, because I don’t want to scare you away. I’m just… not sure what’s alright, and what isn’t, and what I should do…” 

He trails off awkwardly, glances away before looking at Hux again, hopeful and apologetic. At his words, Hux relaxes slightly, releasing a sigh of relief, because he’d started to assume the worst. But he still needs to make sure, needs to be absolutely certain that he and Kylo are on the same page. 

“So you haven’t changed your mind?” he akss, and he hates how pathetic he sounds, but he can’t help it. 

Kylo leans towards him and reaches out, tentatively. When Hux doesn’t move, a small smile starts spreading on Kylo’s lips and he closes the gap between them, cupping Hux’s cheek with his hand gently. The touch is warm and comforting and everything Hux needs right now, and he allows himself to lean into it. 

“God, no. Of course I didn’t change my mind,” Kylo says, sounding breathless. 

With the thundering of his heart finally starting to calm down, Hux can feel himself relax slightly. He tilts his head, nuzzles Kylo’s head, just a little bit, because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself, but he also craves more of Kylo’s touch. 

“I guess I just don’t understand,” he mumbles absentmindedly, bringing his own hand up and putting it on top of Kylo’s, holding him close. 

Kylo shuffles closer to him, and finally, there it is: That warmth washing over him, the sense of calm that takes hold of Hux whenever Kylo is near, this very particular fluttery feeling in his belly. 

“What do you mean?” Kylo asks again. 

Hux lowers his gaze, then blinks up at Kylo through his lashes, unsure if he really wants to say it. But the almost overwhelming fear he’d felt has started to abate, and if they’re really going to do this, he figures he might as well be honest. 

“Why you want to be with me.” 

Kylo looks at him for a second, not saying anything. Hux doesn’t know what he’s thinking, but his face looks soft, expression full of affection, and that must be a good sign, right? 

“Because I can’t imagine not being with you.” 

It’s a simple statement, yet feels so monumental. Hux doesn’t know what to say, but he doesn’t have to say anything, because Kylo continues talking. There’s a shy smile on his lips now, and he looks almost bashful, and it’s unfairly distracting. 

“You’re the most amazing person I know. I love spending time with you, and when I’m not with you, I can’t stop thinking about you, even when I try not to. Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets me like you do. And I think I get you too. And when I look at you, when I’m near you… my heart does all these crazy things, and I feel… at home.” 

Kylo chuckles, fingers rubbing the back of his neck. He glances at Hux, as if he’s afraid of his reaction. But, in all honesty, Hux is kind of speechless. He knows all this, technically, because Kylo said these things yesterday. But yesterday they’d both been too emotional, probably not thinking straight, and now they are. And Kylo looks so sincere that Hux has no doubt he means it, every single word. 

(Kylo had looked sincere yesterday too. He’d sounded sincere, and technically, he hadn’t done anything to make Hux suspect he’d lied. But he can never stop worrying, it’s in his nature to worry about everything, and he’d been so afraid that Kylo might take it back.) 

(After all this time, he finally has what he wants, he finally has Kylo, and the thought of that going away again…) 

(It’s more than he can bear.) 

Hux chuckles too, disbelieving, and pulls Kylo’s hand from his face into his lap, tangling their fingers together. He taps his fingers idly against Kylo’s hand, a slow rhythm. Kylo lets him, watches him with that sweet hesitant smile, shuffling a bit closer again. 

It takes more courage than he thought it would to meet Kylo’s gaze head on, without backing down. But this is what he’s wanted for ages. He wants Kylo so badly, and he just has to erase that last bit of doubt, still there, like a parasite he can’t get rid of. 

“So you…” Hux starts, then swallows, licks his dry lips. 

He notices that Kylo’s eyes follow the movement, and that makes a spark of heat shoot through his body, makes is guts tingle pleasantly. Trying to get a grip on himself, he takes a deep breath, then starts again. 

“So you want to be my… my what, my boyfriend? The whole deal? You want to go on dates and hold my hand and, I don’t know, all that typical boyfriend stuff?” 

Because it’s still hard to grasp, that Kylo would want that, with him of all people. 

But Kylo nods, his smile widening, and he grips Hux’s other hand in his too. 

“Yes. I want that so badly, Hux.” 

He wants it, too. More than anything else, maybe. 

“But you know I how terrible I can be, right?” he asks, uncertainty somehow still there. 

Kylo laughs. “Yes, I know. I like that about you. And I can be really shitty too. I think that’s why we match.” 

There’s a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, one that almost makes Hux snort, that gives him the urge to smack Kylo’s arm lightly, the way he does sometimes. But he holds himself back, because to do it, he’d have to let go of Kylo’s hands, and being held by Kylo is monumentally better than smacking him. 

“But what if it doesn’t work out?” 

Because that’s what it ultimately boils down to, right? What if they try this, for real, and it doesn’t work out? They’ll ruin their friendship along the way, no doubt about that. Hux isn’t sure he could live with that. Wouldn’t it be better to just stay friends, not risk it at all? 

Kylo comes closer still, resting his forehead against Hux’s, breath ghosting along his face. 

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll see if it works out or not. We’ll figure it out along the way. You can’t plan this, Hux, not the way you want to. And that’s good. That’s fine. Everything is going to be just fine. I like you so much, and I want you, and I want this. You want it too, right?” 

His voice is so soft, so quiet, and suddenly this moment feels monumental in a way it didn’t just seconds before. Like they’re the only ones on this planet, or the only ones that matter. Hux’s breath catches in his throat, and he feels warm and tingly all over. He closes his eyes briefly, tries to get the swirling mess of emotions inside of him under control, then opens his eyes again. He can’t quite focus on Kylo without going cross-eyed, but he doesn’t care. 

“Yes. I want it so much,” he whispers. 

Kylo lets out a breathy little laugh. “That’s what matters.” 

And he’s right, isn’t he?

Hux should just let himself have this. Kylo wants him, wants to go on a date with him, wants to be his- his boyfriend, and it’s everything Hux wants, too. Even if they crash and burn in the end, at least they’ll try to be together before. And, god, Hux can’t wait for it to start. Maybe it has already started. 

Kylo’s proximity is, as always, drawing him in, absolutely irresistible. And if they’re really going to do this… well, there’s no reason for him to hold back anymore, is there?

“Can I kiss you?” Hux whispers into the space between them, mere centimetres separating them. 

“Fuck, yes.” 

And then he’s surging forward, pressing his lips against Kylo, and it feels like absolute bliss, like the first sip of water after nearly dying of thirst, like absolution and all heavenly things at once. The movements, the feel of it, the press and pull, is familiar by now, and falling into a rhythm comes almost like second nature. 

It feels easier, somehow, than talking. They know this part, and they don’t need words for it, only instinct, touch, something primal about it, maybe. But Hux feels like this seals it, everything they’ve said, all wishes getting real, and like that makes it true, like they’re already saying more than words ever could. 

Maybe he’s just overly emotional right now. Hell, he definitely is. But he can’t bring himself to care. It doesn’t matter if he’s being pathetically sentimental. He wants it, wants Kylo, wants all of it, and he can finally have it. 

He’s not going to let anybody take this from him. 

With a sigh, Hux opens his mouth to Kylo, deepening the kiss, letting himself sink into the sensation. He releases his hold on Kylo’s hands and reaches for his face instead, putting gentle fingertips on his cheeks. Kylo’s hands settle on his hips, a steady weight, comforting and warm. Sending shivers through Hux, too, because Kylo’s hands on him remind him of what happened two nights before, their bodies desperately rutting against each other, heated touches and kisses. 

The memory of that, of how it felt to have Kylo’s hands on him, feel Kylo’s arousal and get lost in it, makes heat shoot through him, gathering low in his gut. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want that again. Hell, he wants that and so much more, has wanted it for ages. He can’t count all the times he imagined what it’d be like to take Kylo to bed. Or the shower, or the kitchen table, or the sofa. He’s not picky. 

Kylo nibbles on his lower lip, and Hux lets out a surprised groan. It sends a shiver down his spine, and he suddenly feels the need to be even closer to Kylo, to press up against him until there’s no space between them. He slips his fingers into Kylo’s hair, tangling around the silky strands, and tightens his grip, pulling just a little. His efforts are rewarded by a low moan, muffled by his lips, and he eats it right up, the sound lighting a fire inside him. 

There’s no reason to hold back, really. 

Without preamble, Hux rises onto his knees, then throws one leg over Kylo, settling in his lap without ever breaking the kiss. Kylo makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat, but doesn’t protest. Quite the opposite, actually. His hands tighten on Hux’s hips, pulling him close, and as their lower bodies are pressed against each other, they groan in unison. 

Hux is overwhelmed, suddenly, by frenzied desire. He can’t help but roll his hips against Kylo’s, almost on instinct, relishing the friction, and he can feel his cock throb in his pants, hardening quickly. 

With a gasp, Kylo tilts his head back, breaking the kiss. His lips are red, already, and his pupils dilated, eyes hazy with lust. It’s intoxicating, how fast he seems to be gone, to see how Hux affects him. A smirk spreads on his lips, widening as Kylo’s hands move down to knead his ass. 

“Do you, uh. Do you want to…?” Kylo asks, halting, almost as if he can’t think straight. 

“I want you,” Hux mumbles. 

To drive the point home, he slowly grinds against Kylo, teasing, the movement feeling absolutely delicious and lewd, even though they’re both fully closed. But he can feel the hard jut of Kylo’s erection, and they’re both breathing heavily, and he can see the desire plain on Kylo’s face. The movement of his hips elicits a whimper from Kylo, and he briefly closes his eyes before looking up at Hux again. His fingers are digging into the meat of Hux’s ass, just bordering on painful, and it’s exactly what Hux wants, what he needs. 

“I want you too,” Kylo says, voice rough, gazing at Hux with big eyes. 

And then Kylo suddenly tightens his grip on Hux, and flings Hux onto the sofa. Hux lets out an entirely undignified squeak as his back bounces off the cushions, but he doesn’t have time for anything else, because Kylo is immediately crawling over him, settling between his legs and lowering himself down to capture Hux’s lips in a passionate kiss. 

Hux chuckles against his lip, and he feels Kylo grin too, but he’s quickly distracted by how good it feels to have Kylo’s weight on top of him, pressing him into the cushions. His fingers are still tangled in Kylo’s hair, and he gives another light tug. It makes Kylo groan again, and he presses his groin against Hux in what seems like an instinctual move, one that is more than welcome, because Hux is starting to crave every bit of friction he can get. 

He lifts up his legs, wraps them around Kylo’s waist to pull him closer, digging the heel of one foot into Kylo’s ass to urge him on. Kylo obliges his wish, grinding against him rhythmically, and the steady press against his aching cock makes Hux whimper. Kylo responds in kind, speeding up his movements, desperation making them both sweat and pant. 

Hux bites Kylo’s lower lip, plush and swollen, eliciting the sweetest sounds from Kylo. It’s heady, to make him react that way with such a tiny gesture, and it’s addicting. Paying attention to every reaction, to every tiny twitch and sigh, he keeps nibbling on Kylo’s lip, almost getting lost in it, until Kylo whimpers, the sound sending arousal through his gut. 

With a last soothing lick, Hux pulls back. He looks up at Kylo with heavy eyes, and the sight that greets him makes his throat dry. 

Kylo is an absolute mess. 

His face is flushed, eyes hazy and unfocused, hair mussed where Hux has been carding his fingers through it relentlessly. His lips are red and swollen, the abused flesh looking sensitive and bright. Kylo’s mouth is hanging open, and his lips just seem bigger like this, plush and inviting as ever. His breath is coming in sharp pants, and Hux can feel the insistent press of his erection against his groin. 

Hux licks his lips, chasing the taste of Kylo, and he watches, again, as Kylo’s eyes track the movement. He’s sweating, they both are, arousal making him feel hot and heavy. 

“Take that off,” Hux mumbles, nodding towards Kylo’s sweater.

It takes Kylo a second to react, his big brown eyes coming back into focus. Then he chuckles, sits back on his heels. The movement inevitably makes Hux let go of his hair, and he immediately misses the soft feel of it on his skin. But he’s rewarded by something far better as Kylo pulls off his sweater and reveals his broad, muscled chest. 

Even though he’s already seen him shirtless, Hux once again takes a moment to just look at Kylo. Last time, his brain had been just a bit too muddled for him to take in all the details, but this time, his head is completely clear. There are moles and freckles dotting Kylo’s pale skin, and his nipples are peaked, looking all too inviting and very biteable. His muscles are clearly defined, except for the hint of softness around his belly and hips, and there’s a dark trail of hair leading down to the waistband of his pants, which are very obviously tented. 

Hux can feel his mouth water as he lets his gaze linger on Kylo’s bulge for a moment. It looks big. Feels big, too, pressed against him. But he hasn’t actually seen Kylo’s dick yet, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t absolutely desperate to get his hands on it. 

Before he has the chance to reach out and pull Kylo’s pants down, though, Kylo reaches for the hem of his jumper. Hux frowns up at him, confused. 

“You, too,” Kylo says, sounding breathless and excited. 

Hux nods, a smile spreading on his lips. He sits up just enough to pull his jumper off and throw it away carelessly, then settles back down on the sofa. This time, it doesn’t get tangled around his head, and the memory makes his smile widen. Kylo seems to think of the same thing, because he looks bashful all of a sudden, grinning at Hux hesitantly. 

It’s absolutely charming, the way he looks Hux up and down, as if Hux is one of the most fascinating things he’s ever seen, and it makes Hux’s heart jump in his chest. Pure, unbridled joy bubbles up in him, at being looked at like that, at the knowledge that Kylo is here, with him, and that he wants him. 

He lets out a breathless chuckle, and Kylo looks at him questioningly, tilts his head to the side. 

"It’s nothing,” Hux says, suddenly embarrassed, feeling his cheeks flush red. “I’m just… happy.” 

“Good. I’m happy too.” 

Kylo’s smile is bright, almost blinding, and Hux can’t do anything but smile too. His breath catches in his throat as Kylo leans down and presses an impossibly soft kiss to his lips. Then another one, maybe even softer, to his cheek. His lips trail down Hux’s face, pressing short, gentle kisses to his jaw, his ear, the soft spot right beneath that sends a shiver down his spine. Then Kylo moves to the other side of his face, repeating the same thing there. When he reaches Hux’s jawline, he bites down, making Hux moan in surprise. 

Kylo chuckles, but doesn’t stop. He bites down on Hux’s jaw again, then moves down to his neck, and starts kissing and biting at the skin there. When his teeth brush the bruise he left there two days ago, Hux flinches, the skin still sensitive. But Kylo licks the spot, laving over it gently, then moves his attention to another spot. Hux lets his hands wander over Kylo’s arms, feeling the muscles there, then the broad expanse of his shoulders, shifting as he tilts his head this way and that. Kylo bites down harder at the point where Hux’s neck meets his shoulder, and then gently nibbles along his collarbone. The attention makes Hux shiver, a perfect mixture of softness and pain, and it’s almost torturously slow, Kylo staying at one spot, sucking and biting and licking, for what feels like ages, before he moves on. 

As Kylo licks a broad stripe down to Hux’s sternum, another shiver runs through him, and he bucks his hips up, tightening his legs around Kylo’s waist. Kylo hums, a little amused sound. He briefly lifts his head, just a fraction, and glances up at Hux. His gaze is heated, sending anticipation tingling through Hux’s body. Then, Kylo moves, and swipes his tongue over Hux’s nipple. 

He’s always been sensitive there, and he gasps as Kylo’s starts lapping at the skin, sucking and biting, gentle yet insistent. It has his cock throbbing, leaking inside his pants. As Kylo rolls the nub between his teeth, the sensation just bordering on painful, Hux mewls, tangles his fingers in Kylo’s hair again. He’s not sure if he wants to pull Kylo away form his chest, to stop the almost torturous touches of tongue and teeth, or if he wants to hold Kylo there, make him continue. 

“That’s good,” he mumbles, almost absentmindedly, and Kylo bites down again, harder, making him jump. 

With a chuckle, Kylo pulls back and licks his lips, staring down at Hux’s chest for a moment. He seems mesmerized, maybe amazed, by how red and swollen Hux’s nipple is after his relentless attention. A smirk spreads on his lips, and he lowers his head again, repeating the same routine on the other side before Hux can get another word in. 

It’s wonderful and hellish at the same time, because Kylo seems to never want to move on from what he’s doing. When he finally deems Hux’s chest bitten red enough, pressing a kiss to the softness of Hux’s stomach and moving down to his belly button, Hux is a quivering mess, and he feels like he could come immediately if Kylo would touch him. 

But Kylo isn’t touching him yet. He’s moving lower, biting at Hux’s hipbone, surely leaving more bruises that Hux will admire in the mirror tomorrow. And then he stops, his face only inches away from Hux's crotch. It’s maddening, and the anticipation that has been steadily building up inside of Hux is almost too much to bear. 

Hux is pretty sure he has dreamed of this moment a thousand times. His stomach is in knots, both with nervous energy and mind numbing arousal. Kylo is looking at his groin, at the very obvious bulge tenting the soft fabric of his yoga pants. When Kylo licks his lips again, Hux has to bite down on his tongue to keep in the truly depraved sound that’s building in the back of his throat. 

“Is that alright?” Kylo asks, his voice rough, as he lifts one hand and strokes the trail of bright red hair disappearing beneath Hux’s pants. 

He’s always been a bit insecure about that, but Kylo looks at it as if it’s some kind of miracle. It’s a bit ridiculous, to be honest, but then Kylo leans forward and nuzzles that soft spot on Hux’s lower belly, and that’s a bit hot, to be honest. 

“Yes, that’s very alright,” Hux responds. He’s completely breathless, and too far gone to care. 

Kylo looks up at him and smiles again, before he finally pushes his fingers beneath Hux’s waistband and pulls his pants and underwear down. He sits up to pull both garments of completely and throws them away carelessly, leaving Hux completely exposed. A shiver runs through him as Kylo looks him up and down, an expression of pure, primal hunger in his eyes. He meets Hux’s gaze, and for a second, they look at each other, silent. 

Then, Kylo smirks at him, leans down and swallows his cock down to the base. 

Hux curses as he’s suddenly enveloped by the soft, wet heat of Kylo’s mouth, the sensation of it almost overwhelming. His cock hits the back of Kylo’s throat and Kylo moves his tongue in an absolutely wicked way, and Hux nearly comes right then. He bites down on something that is probably a scream, grips the cushion of the sofa tightly with one hand, and Kylo’s hair with the other. Kylo moans around him, sending vibrations through his shaft and arousal tingling through his whole body, and he pulls on Kylo’s hair harder, almost involuntarily. 

Having Kylo’s mouth around him feels so good. It’s almost otherworldly, and so much better than he could have ever imagined. Kylo is surprisingly talented at this, sucking and bobbing his head slowly, taking Hux deeply every time, seemingly without struggle. It’s taking all of his self-restraint to not buck his hips, to shove his cock deeper into Kylo’s mouth roughly. 

With a lewd pop, Kylo pulls off, but continues suckling on the tip until Hux tries to yank him down again desperately. Kylo chuckles, but doesn’t comply, and Hux whines in frustration, glaring down at Kylo as he stops completely and grins up at him. He can’t believe that Kylo has managed to reduce him to a quivering mess in such a short amount of time. 

“You doing good?” Kylo asks, and he’s smirking, that terrible, gorgeous shit-eating grin he wears all the time. 

It drives Hux absolutely mad, because he loves it so much, and combined with the fact that Kylo’s face is mere inches away from his cock, lips looking somehow even more swollen than before… well, it’s the perfect mixture for Hux’s brain to completely short-circuit. 

He can only nod, words failing him as he’s once again struck by how incredible this situation is, how surreal that he gets to have this. His heart his thundering in his chest for obvious reasons, but there’s also the steady warmth brought by the sheer nearness of Kylo, and by the knowledge that this is really happening. 

Kylo leans down again, but instead of taking Hux’s cock into his mouth, he start peppering soft kisses up and down the shaft, driving Hux mad in an entirely different way now. The barely there touches are teasing and wonderful but not nearly enough, and he tugs Kylo’s hair again with a groan. Kylo briefly closes his eyes, growling, and Hux can see he’s rutting against the sofa; he must be affected by this too, seems to like it, very much, in fact. But Kylo doesn’t stop what he’s doing, only seems to make his kisses even softer. 

“Fuck,” Hux gasps, at a loss for other words. “Can you- I want- fuck.” 

He can’t think straight. Kylo is doing an excellent job at making his brain completely stop working.

“Can I what?” Kylo asks, affecting innocence. 

With quick little strokes of his tongue, he licks up the precome gathering at Hux’s tip, keeps teasing until Hux is writhing on the sofa, his toes curling and legs shaking. He’s so close he feels like he might burst, and every lick and kiss is heavenly, yet not enough. He wishes Kylo would go back to sucking him; he needs to feel that wet heat around his cock again, needs more,  _ more. _

“Can you- fuck, please, suck me, I can’t- I need- fuck-” 

Hux can’t even find the strength to be embarrassed. He wouldn’t beg for something, usually, but he thinks he might actually die if he can’t come soon. He wants Kylo’s mouth on him so much. 

Kylo makes a sound that’s somewhere between a chuckle and a moan, and finally, finally, does what Hux needs and slowly slides his cock into his mouth. A terribly wanton moan breaks from Hux’s lips, but he can’t hold back anymore. His hips jerk up, but Kylo doesn’t gag, miraculously. Instead, he moans around Hux, and glances up at him, eyes gone hazy and pupils blown, and gives him a look of permission

Hux doesn’t need more of an invitation. He tightens his grip on Kylo’s hair and starts fucking up into his mouth, tugging him down on his shaft roughly. Kylo keens, as much as he’s able to with his mouth stuffed full, and the sound only spurs Hux on more, makes him lose all inhibition, everything that’s holding him back gone now. 

“I- fuck, I’m close, Kylo-” Hux gasps.

He releases the hold he has on Kylo’s hair slightly, giving him the chance to pull away, but Kylo doesn’t. Instead he slides his mouth down on Hux’s cock until his nose touches Hux’s pubic hair, tears clinging to his closed eyes, and he brings a hand up to press down on the spot behind Hux’s balls. Then he swallows around Hux’s cock, and it’s over. 

Blinding pleasure washes over Hux with such strength that he’s sure he passes out for a moment. He comes down Kylo’s throat, emptying himself spurt after spurt, and his toes are curling with the intensity of his orgasm. His eyes are squeezed shut tightly, yet he feels blinded by pleasure. The sound that comes out of his mouth is so loud it hurts is throat. 

Time seems to stop, and Hux has no clue how long it takes until he’s finished, until he can breathe properly again, and Kylo pulls off and sits up, come and spit smeared on his chin. The sight of it is so indecent that it makes Hux’s cock twitch again, but he’s way too spent to get hard again. He’s panting, and he’s not sure he could talk, his brain still offline. Instead, he just looks at Kylo, at his face, completely wrecked, yet somehow blissed out. It’s what Hux feels like, too.

Then he notices that Kylo has dropped his hand to his crotch, that he’s gripping his cock through his pants, and that he’s panting, looking as if he’s already nearly there. Reaching out, Hux takes hold of his wrist, stops Kylo from touching himself further. Kylo tilts his head in confusion, and it’s clear in his eyes that he doesn’t want to stop. 

“Take your pants off,” Hux demands, sounding shakier than he’d thought, still wrecked from his mind-numbingly good orgasm. 

With a chuckle, Kylo sits up, shoving down his pants and underwear and kicking them off unceremoniously. His cock springs up, smacking against his stomach, smearing precome on his abdomen, standing up red and hard, and for a moment, all Hux can do is stare. He’d suspected Kylo’s cock would be big, but it’s somehow even bigger than he thought. 

Kylo doesn’t move, and after a while, Hux manages to drag his gaze away from the absolute monstrosity between Kylo’s legs, up to his face. 

“Is… everything alright?” Kylo asks, sounding unsure. 

Hux nods. He’s a bit dazed, in all honesty. His brain is showing him images of all the things he could do with such a thing rapid-fire, and it’s making it hard to concentrate on what’s happening right now. 

“Everything is absolutely amazing,” he breathes. “Come closer.” 

He motions for Kylo to scoot over, and Kylo hastily climbs onto Hux’s lap. He nearly falls off the sofa as he settles one leg on either side of Hux’s torso, and they both chuckle, breathless. But then Hux licks his palm and grabs Kylo’s cock without much preamble, and the chuckle dies in Kylo’s throat, transforms into a choked off moan. 

As Hux wraps his fingers around Kylo’s shaft, he notices that he can’t reach all the way around; the tips of his fingers don’t touch, and the realisation of that makes his throat dry. It seems to affect Kylo too. He groans at the sight of it, then looks up at Hux’s face and slowly places his own hand on top of Hux’s. 

Slowly, Hux starts stroking his cock, and Kylo moves with him, whining as Hux tightens his grip slightly, running his thumb over the tip and gathering the precome to ease his strokes. His eyes flit back and forth between Kylo’s face and his cock, the way he bites his lip and closes his eyes, face contorted in pleasure, and the way his cock twitches in Hux’s grasp, an angry red, looking ready to burst. 

He can’t decide what he likes to look at more. Ideally, he’d just like to look at all of Kylo, all the time. The want that overcomes him once again nearly knocks the air out of Hux, and he starts stroking Kylo faster, drinking in his moans and gasps. Somehow it still feels unreal, despite the very tangible proof that it’s not. 

“Kylo,” he gasps, emotions gathering in his throat, lodging at the back of it. 

Kylo only grunts, opens his eyes to look at Hux in question. 

“I want you to come on me,” Hux admits. 

Something in Kylo’s eyes lights up, and his mouth drops open, a truly depraved sound escaping him. He takes his hand away from his cock, and starts fondling his balls instead, big and heavy, and he’s breathing raggedly. There’s something determined in his face, something fierce, and Hux feels like the same thing has taken hold of him too. He speeds his movements up, the slick sounds of it echoing in the apartment, and he never looks away from Kylo’s face, cataloguing every minute twitch. 

It doesn’t take long for Kylo to reach his peak. Only a few more strokes, then his whole body his tensing and he lets out a low groan, before spilling himself all over Hux’s chest. It’s a lot, really, and Hux is briefly taken aback by it, but then he moans, his cock giving an exhausted twitch. Hot spurts of come hit his skin, some drops ending up on his chin, and he doesn’t care about how filthy it is. Wants that, in fact. 

As Kylo starts to come down from his orgasm, his cock giving a few last spurts as Hux pumps him through it, Hux feels a new calm settle over him. He’s sweaty and sticky, but somehow, he doesn’t want to move at all. Having Kylo’s spent all over him is depraved, but it makes him feel… owned, in a way that isn’t bad at all. Like prove that Kylo wants him, maybe, that this is real after all. 

It’s weird, probably, but he can’t help it. And he grins up at Kylo, lopsided and completely dazed, until Kylo looks at him and grins back, and they both giggle. A breathless thing, something that won’t happen again, he’s sure, because they’re not the type of people who giggle, but right now it feels good, feels right. 

Kylo leans down to him, captures his lips in a soft kiss, and Hux sighs. He reaches up, wraps his arms around Kylo’s neck loosely. Truth be told, he can’t remember the last time he felt this good. It’s as if all the anxiety, all the fears and tension, are just gone. Left is a sense of calm, and undeniable happiness, and something that could be hope. Because the way Kylo keeps looking at him, and the way he touches him, kisses him - that can’t mean nothing. It means something, something important, Hux knows that, can feel it at his very core. And that certainty makes him hopeful, that this is going to work out. 

It’s all going to work out just fine, he’s sure of that. 

Suddenly, his doorbell rings, the sound almost deafening, and they both jump in surprise. 

Kylo sits up and looks around in confusion, before his face clears. 

“Must be the pizza,” he says with a smirk. 

Then his gaze drops to Hux’s chest, still messy, the come starting to dry. 

“Maybe I should get it,” Kylo remarks. 

Hux snorts, but he has to agree. He really shouldn’t answer the door like this. But someone has to, and when the bell rings a second time, Kylo groans and climbs down from Hux. He bends down to grab his underwear, adn Hux briefly enjoys the view of his muscled back and ass, at least until Kylo pulls his boxer briefs up and turns around again. A smirk spreads on his lips as he notices Hux watching, and he winks. Hux rolls his eyes, ignoring the fact that he can feel a blush spreading on his cheeks. 

“I’ll pay, don’t worry about it. Maybe you should clean up, so we can eat,” Kylo calls out as he walks into the hallway and opens the door. 

Luckily, there’s no way to see from the entrance into the living room, otherwise Hux is sure he would die of mortification. But as it is, he waits until he hears the door close again, then makes his way to the bathroom to get himself clean. 

When he sees himself in the mirror, he starts blushing earnestly. He looks absolutely wrecked, and his entire chest is covered in bite marks, the drying come completing a picture of pure debauchery. He kind of loves it. Even as he wets a washcloth and starts wiping Kylo’s release away, he can’t help but think about what else they could get up to, all the other ways Kylo could ruin him. 

A shiver runs up his spine. He can’t wait for it all. 

When he’s clean again, Hux makes a detour to the bedroom to pull on clean underwear and on oversized sweater. He smiles to himself as he gets dressed. There’s an excited flutter in his stomach. It’s almost definitely because of Kylo. How could it not be, really? 

After spending all these months wanting him so much, Hux finally has him. At least for now. The prospect of spending the evening with Kylo, with so many more to come, makes him happier than he’d ever thought he could be. 

Incredible, really, that this absolute whirlwind of a week has ended like this. Hux can’t remember ever feeling so exhausted yet great at the same time. But he’s never really been in a situation like this before.

The thought of what could happen in the future still scares him a bit, to be honest. He doesn’t know if he’ll go visit Kylo’s family again come easter, although a small part of him wants to. As much as he’d been hesitant about it, he has to admit that he kind of liked them all, this weird, loud group of people. Loveable, too. Hux isn’t sure what is going to happen now. But the excitement to find out overweighs the fear, now. He’s glad for that. 

When he steps back into the living room, he’s greeted by the sight of Kylo, still half naked, sitting on the couch, two cartons of pizza and glasses of water on the table before him. He grins at Hux when he sees him, and his expression, so soft and gentle, makes Hux’s heart skip a beat. 

“How about next Friday? Greek? I’ll pick you up at eight,” Kylo says, reaching for his pizza as Hux sits down next to him. 

With a frown, Hux reaches for his own carton. 

“Next Friday?” he asks, confused. He has no idea what Kylo is talking about. 

“Yes. A date, remember? Are you free next Friday?” 

Hux smiles, takes a bite to try and hide it. There it is again, that pleasant tingly warmth. He’s starting to suspect it’s going to appear more often from now on. That the painful twisting in his chest he’d come to associate with his longing might go away. 

When he’s swallowed the bite, he feels ready to talk again, though still overcome by emotions. 

“Friday sounds great,” he says. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Kylo smile, too. 

They eat their pizza mostly in silence, sitting close to each other, comfortably. At one point, they choose a new movie to watch, and Hux presses his leg against Kylo’s. It’s good. Simple, and something they’ve done countless times before, but better somehow, and new. 

“You’re not leaving tonight, are you?” Hux asks at one point, when the food is gone and the movie is nearly over. 

Because he doesn’t want Kylo to leave tonight. He wants to sleep curled up next to Kylo and wake up in the same bed, just like he did these past few days. Only this time, it will be real. 

Kylo smiles, reaches for Hux’s hand almost absentmindedly. He tangles their fingers together, holds their hands up, and presses a soft kiss to Hux’s wrist. It’s so teeth rottingly cute, so clichéd, that it should be awkward, but somehow it isn’t, and it makes Hux’s heart beat faster. Kylo’s eyes sparkle, and he winks. 

“Never.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content warnings:** Kylo blows Hux and it gets sort of rough, but everyone is having a great time. Also, Kylo comes on Hux's chest.
> 
> So, here we are. We've made it to the end of this story. I still can't quite believe it's over now, wow.  
> I'm not kidding when I say I probably wouldn't have finished this story without you all.  
> So, from the bottom of my heart: Thank you so, so much! Your support for this story genuinely means the world to me and I don't think I have the words to express how grateful I am for every single one of you!  
> I hope you enjoyed the last chapter! I certainly had a blast writing this story :)
> 
> If you have any questions or just want to chat, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/aelandair)!


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